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what's so off putting about employing a nanny with their own child??

(150 Posts)
glitternanny Mon 24-Jun-13 20:32:15

I am stuck - really stuck.... maybe you kind MNers can help me understand...

I'm job hunting due to a reduction in hours with my current families and I have my own 18 month old son. He's been coming to work with me since he was 12 weeks old - I had a very short maternity leave partyly due to my commitment to my job and he is very very easy to look after, always has been.

I returned to work to one job I had and a new job where their youngest was just 3 months older than my boy - which was very challenging, they are now the best of friends.

I love my jobs, my charges love my son - him being with me just makes my day busier and in some ways harder but I am always the professional - I am very committed to doing the same job i would do without him with him there with me and more often than not I completely over compensate having him with my by ignoring him and leaving him to his own devices while doing my job.

My charges and my bosses (who often work from home) can back this up completely.

Also my son isn't with me for 1/2 the week (approximately) as his dad works shifts and when he's off my son stays with him.

I've never taken a drop in salary, I've rarely taken time off because of my boy and have his dad and grandparents/friends on standby if I need to.

SO WHY wont you mums consider someone like me?

I appreciate you are paying for your children to be looked after, but I am doing that - I'm still the nanny I am without him - I'm just busier when he's there, he's not with me all of the time, he's just part of the package.

OR mums want a salary reduction of 50% (my latest interview where the family totally loved me but want me for 1/2 my current rate even when he's only with me half the time I'm there) yes I'm lucky to have my boy there but this isn't a nannyshare, I am still working by your rules/requests/routine/preferences etc - I don't get to do my own thing like I would if I were a SAHM

I'm now trying to find childcare for my son so I can carry on working, which given that I'm leaving my house every morning at 6:20 and I'm not home until 6:30 (and that's only if my employers trains are on time etc) its really hard.

What can I do to make myself more employable? To get parents to at least meet me so I can get them to love me rather than seeing I come with my own child and am instantly dismissed.

I'm a great person, I am excellent at my job my charges love me and my bosses give me excellent references, I'm reliable committed and professional.

Daiso Tue 02-Jul-13 11:32:09

I think what it boils down to is the fact that some parents (and entitled to their choices/opinions) don't want a nanny who has their own responsibilities in addition to the ones they will be giving them as their employer, whereas some are more than happy for nwoc as they can see the benefits. Each to their own and good luck with your search.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Tue 02-Jul-13 12:31:49

Would you consider offering a fixed term contract for a period of time or an extended trial period which you could use to see how the arrangement worked for both of you?

This occurred to me. I am wondering whether a parent who likes you but is worried about NWOC generally (and getting roped into an arrangement that would be complex to end) would consider this and when they saw how well it worked with sign on permanently.

I don't know - obviously if you have an offer where you don't have to do this, take that, but if you're really struggling, it's just a thought.

Mrscupcake23 Tue 02-Jul-13 12:31:59

Think you have summed up really well daiso was going to post the same each to their own.

glitternanny Wed 03-Jul-13 22:42:16

there's normally a probationary period in new contracts.
it could be seen as hassle and disruption tho if I were to go not long after I started
but yes worth bearing in mind

having spoken to my current bosses about this they're in awe at peoples reactions

ill be back in w few months to post about my great new family! grin grin

AuntySib Wed 03-Jul-13 23:01:12

I did have a nanny with her own child. It worked, but because her child was older (at school) . If she'd had a younger child, I'm not sure that it would have worked - the reason I employed a nanny at that stage was because 2 children at a childminders would have been more expensive. I'm not sure she would have coped so well with 3 toddlers ( buggy problems etc.) Her son was around during the holidays and odd sick days, but could walk and talk and was fairly independent, so she could focus on the little ones.
If I'd just had one child, I would have been happy for her to bring a younger child, because I trusted her to be professional, and would have liked the idea of company for my child ( assuming they got on OK).

BoffinMum Thu 04-Jul-13 03:38:52

Doctrine, I think it's a bizarre way to work and not worthy of a job title at all. You are effectively whoring your kids as potential playmates on the whim of an employer, and this could be ended at any time, at great emotional cost to the child. Bonkers for anyone who claims to understand child development.

And for those nannies who whine about how little money they have left after shelling out for childcare, welcome to the real world, ladies. Perhaps you now understand why a 'piffling' 50p an hour annual increase demanded by nannies 'because if you cared about your child you'd pay for the best' and 'it's because I'm worth it' practically pushes many middle class families over the financial brink. Really,I have no sympathy. Grow up, and sort yourselves out.

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 04-Jul-13 07:47:47

Well said BoffinMum, i think a dose of reality is needed.

You simply cant expect to take your own child to work so save you spending on childcare then moan that parents are selfish that they dont want your chld there or expect to pay a decent reduction because the care is then shared.

Regardless of saying your own child has no impact. Of course it does. It increases the number if children being looked after. Your own child needs dealing with if upset or having a tantrum, playing with, feeding, wants mummy etc.

magicstars Thu 04-Jul-13 08:27:11

I did consider hiring a nanny with a child at one point, the idea appealed to me as they were close in age & I wanted dd to have a play mate.
I didn't employ her, but because I met better qualified people, it wasn't directly related to her having a child. I was going to pay her the same rate as the other nannies.
The general consensus when I discussed the options with friends (practicalities aside as it sounds like u have that covered) were that she wouldn't be able to help but put her own dc's needs first. When I wasn't there she would instinctively tend to her own dc's needs before dd's. This didn't necessarily put me off as I thought sharing time with another would be actually good for dd. I believe she set up as a childminder in the end.
Good luck

TheDoctrineOfAllan Thu 04-Jul-13 08:55:35

Boffin, do you feel the same way about childminders?

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 04-Jul-13 11:44:06

CHildminders do not cost £750 pounds per week, once tax et all is added in - this is on the "average nanny salary" of £500 net per week.

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 04-Jul-13 12:54:42

Depends how many children you've got Lady and how much the childminder charges.

3 children at £6 per hour is £900 for a 50 hour week.

I think we're all in agreement that a NWOC should come in at least 20% below market rates, so probably more like £600 a week. Plus you still get the majority of benefits that having a nanny brings (nursery duties etc.), the only one you're really losing is the sole care aspect.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 04-Jul-13 13:59:02

That's true if the CM is charging that much per hour.

glitternanny Thu 04-Jul-13 22:21:00

I havent said any parent is selfish

if I could afford to put my son into childcare to work and pay my bills I would

all im trying to do is make a living independently

I have never expected a payrise certainly not 50p an hour I wish! ive always been v v grateful of any bonuses or presents I get from my bosses

I love my job all i want to do is keep working so I can keep my house and pay my bills

sad sad sad

sweetsummerlove Fri 05-Jul-13 09:49:13

holy poop. I need to work in London!

BoffinMum Fri 05-Jul-13 16:06:04

Test - ignore post

BoffinMum Fri 05-Jul-13 16:24:27

On the one occasion I have experimented with this, not only were my kids virtually ignored, but I was also told how 'difficult' they were. In actual fact I worked out that the nanny had insisted my kids sit still and play endless board games she had brought with her, with the nanny's kids, to make it easier for her to watch them all at once. In the end my two (rather less naturally sedentary kids) sloped off and allegedly played on their own while the nanny exclusively engaged with her own offspring for the duration.Not a great scenario and I didn't take her on.

BoffinMum Fri 05-Jul-13 16:26:03

I have never found a childminder I would trust with my kids. I am sure they are out there but not round by me.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 05-Jul-13 16:28:20

You do have particularly bad luck with nannies Boff, with or without their own children it seems.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 05-Jul-13 16:30:12

grin X-post

.....and childminders!

BoffinMum Fri 05-Jul-13 16:44:38

To be fair I had one or two bloody ace ones who still one back regularly to cover holidays etc.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 05-Jul-13 20:35:38

"I love my job all i want to do is keep working so I can keep my house and pay my bills "

Then you need to be more realistic. Either book childcare for the few days you need it for your son, offer a cheaper rate and take him with you or find a different path where childcare is more accessible.

You seem to be of the opinion that what you want you should get, that your own child has zero impact on your job but given you are not getting any job offers it seems others dont agree.

katieks Sat 06-Jul-13 22:26:12

We did this and although it worked, I don't think I would again. Her little one broke toys, chewed books and I had to hide some toys from my own kids so that hers wouldn't break them. They did play together to some extent, but with hers being the youngest, I think he benefited the most. I also think it was too much with three under 3 looking after them all on her own so sometimes he would be unsupervised and if I was home it would be me diverting him away from the TV or taking the books out his mouth (again!).

BoffinMum Sun 07-Jul-13 05:08:20

I think it sounds like you need to find a better paid job and put your LO in nursery for a couple of days a week, tbh. Without a degree this is going to be quite hard, though. Can you do a foundation degree?

MummytoMog Mon 08-Jul-13 22:46:18

We recently had our CM work for us for a bit as a nanny (complicated situation) and she brought her 2 year old with her. I loved it, meant that there was someone to play with my two year old, who normally just gets shoved around by my three year old. If we had a permanent nanny, we'd deffo be looking for one with their own child (DD has developmental delays and spending time with other kids is v good for her), but we did pay our CM slightly less per hour when she brought her child (£1 less).

Threewindmills Wed 10-Jul-13 11:58:45

The key thing here is that nannying is about the only job (I can think of) where it is considered at all that you might be able to take your child to work. Clearly having another child as part of the equation is going to have an impact on any nannying situation including:

What happens if my child is ill - would nanny still want to work?
Wear and tear on house (may be more?)
Focus on activities for my child (may be less?)
Ability to do activities 1 to 1 (e.g. swimming) - not possible
Equipment - does the nanny expect high chairs/double prams etc to be purchased?
Limitation on activities due to sleep/feed patterns (or age of nanny's child)

However - might be ideal playmate for dc/a lot may be gained from relationship.
My nanny sometimes brings her older child and my dc enjoys the time spent playing with him - however, I like the fact it is not all the time.

Basically - I think understanding it from the point of view of the parents and not expecting it as a right is really important as nannies are very expensive - you are paying someones salary out of your own and are expecting something different than a CM offers. That said, in the right situation, it can be win/win

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