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what's so off putting about employing a nanny with their own child??

(150 Posts)
glitternanny Mon 24-Jun-13 20:32:15

I am stuck - really stuck.... maybe you kind MNers can help me understand...

I'm job hunting due to a reduction in hours with my current families and I have my own 18 month old son. He's been coming to work with me since he was 12 weeks old - I had a very short maternity leave partyly due to my commitment to my job and he is very very easy to look after, always has been.

I returned to work to one job I had and a new job where their youngest was just 3 months older than my boy - which was very challenging, they are now the best of friends.

I love my jobs, my charges love my son - him being with me just makes my day busier and in some ways harder but I am always the professional - I am very committed to doing the same job i would do without him with him there with me and more often than not I completely over compensate having him with my by ignoring him and leaving him to his own devices while doing my job.

My charges and my bosses (who often work from home) can back this up completely.

Also my son isn't with me for 1/2 the week (approximately) as his dad works shifts and when he's off my son stays with him.

I've never taken a drop in salary, I've rarely taken time off because of my boy and have his dad and grandparents/friends on standby if I need to.

SO WHY wont you mums consider someone like me?

I appreciate you are paying for your children to be looked after, but I am doing that - I'm still the nanny I am without him - I'm just busier when he's there, he's not with me all of the time, he's just part of the package.

OR mums want a salary reduction of 50% (my latest interview where the family totally loved me but want me for 1/2 my current rate even when he's only with me half the time I'm there) yes I'm lucky to have my boy there but this isn't a nannyshare, I am still working by your rules/requests/routine/preferences etc - I don't get to do my own thing like I would if I were a SAHM

I'm now trying to find childcare for my son so I can carry on working, which given that I'm leaving my house every morning at 6:20 and I'm not home until 6:30 (and that's only if my employers trains are on time etc) its really hard.

What can I do to make myself more employable? To get parents to at least meet me so I can get them to love me rather than seeing I come with my own child and am instantly dismissed.

I'm a great person, I am excellent at my job my charges love me and my bosses give me excellent references, I'm reliable committed and professional.

tungthai Mon 24-Jun-13 21:02:56

I think the point of employing a nanny is so that you can have bespoke childcare that meets the needs of your family. If the nanny has her own child then of course that child's needs have to be taken into account if that child is ill then the nanny will require time off, if that child is having a bad day and is too tetchy for a walk in the woods everyone stays at home. There is also the additional wear and tear in the home.

Sometimes you may feel that you you would prefer your child to be with other children in a home from home environment. A childminder can provide this setup at a lower cost.

tungthai Mon 24-Jun-13 21:03:49

Have you considered setting up as a childminder?

ilovemountains Mon 24-Jun-13 21:08:20

My children might not like your child, or want to share their toys in their own house. I'd need another high chair. And another car seat. Much easier with a nanny without their own child.

glitternanny Mon 24-Jun-13 21:14:28

Very valid points

We do what we are planning to do whether my child wants to or not he doesn't get a choice.

He comes fully equipped with his own toys (which I means he doesn't have to use the ones at work - tho it is good for children to learn to share their space/toys but valid point I agree) I have bought a double buggy I have a portable highchair and I have a travel cot. I have spare car seats of my own and use my own car for work.

At the end of the day when I leave nothing remains in my work houses of my sons - there isn't a big pile of extra stuff clogging up a space unless my boss has approved it can stay there (occasionally I leave my travel cot at work) and which case its hidden away out of sight and inconvenience.

No sadly I can't childmind due to where I live it wouldn't be appealing to families.

Amazinggg Mon 24-Jun-13 21:21:10

If I was employing a nanny, I would be paying to have someone whose 100% care and attention was on my child. If I wanted a group childcare environment I'd go for a childminder. As a nanny, you're being welcomed into someone's home, interviewed, chosen carefully and trusted - and paid accordingly. I wouldn't do all that and then have a toddler in tow! Really you should think of it as a job where it's inappropriate to bring your own child. You say he's easy to look after - still, he's your priority and not my own children. You do sound like childminding would be a better set up for you. Are you in the UK?

bbcessex Mon 24-Jun-13 21:23:18

Sorry you are finding it tough glitternanny , it sounds like you are very committed and reliable nanny.

I've had two NWOC and I have had great experiences with both. I have never minded having additional high chair / a few toys kept in a cupboard etc.. all part and parcel of having kids anyway I think.

The only thing I would say is that I have only ever needed before & after school nannies, so I've been offering 'unpopular hours' of around 25 - 28 hours a week - not that enticing to a nanny who wants full time, so NWOC were pretty much the demographic who applied.

If I'd have been offering full time hours, and had the option of an equally great nanny with no other commitments, I'd have possibly gone down that route. As it was, I didn't have that option.

Maybe you need to look at doing that? ie - look for parents who don't have that much choice (sorry to be so blunt, I don't mean that as it sounds!). Perhaps 2 jobs with different families to make up the hours?

Otherwise, I think you have to make yourself marketable, perhaps by a reduction in salary. Although I think that Parent who offered you 50% less was taking the piss hugely - hope you told them where to put their 50%!!!!

Amazinggg Mon 24-Jun-13 21:35:33

How much are nannies compared to childminders?

glitternanny Mon 24-Jun-13 21:38:34


In the area I work in childminders charge £6ph per child - I charge £10 for as many children as you want.

Sadly I can't child mind

And unfortunately working before and after school doesn't give me enough money to pay my bills.

Maybe I'm hoping for the impossible.

tungthai Mon 24-Jun-13 21:39:23

I am sure you do put your charges first but that would make me feel guilty. I wouldn't want your child to be treated second best.

I may be looking for a nanny within the next couple of years. I wouldn't discount a nanny with her own child as the hours I will require are not that attractive but it wouldn't be my ideal scenario. I would feel bad that your pre schooler is having to stand around in the cold watching a football match when they would rather be at home with the play dough .

BettyYeti Mon 24-Jun-13 21:40:21

We had a nanny who had a baby while she worked for us. She also returned from maternity leave quickly and worked for us, bringing her child a lot of the time, for 2 more years. She had been our nanny for 3 years before then and we had absolute confidence that the standard of care of our children would not fall.My DCs are school age, so do not need as much active attention. It worked ok most of the time, but we did have some issues, particularly once her DC got to the age yours is and needed full on attention - eg we do have some damage to our furniture even though our nanny watched her child lie a hawk, which in turn meant she could not always give our children the little attention they needed. I do not think I woud repeat the experience if I had other options unless there was a significant cost benefit, particularly with a nanny I did not already know and have confidence in. I think you will have to accept a pay cut, but not 50 per cent, maybe 25.

Blu Mon 24-Jun-13 21:44:59

We had a Nanny who had her own child and it worked brilliantly.
her child was the same age, so it meant that food, activities, naps etc could all be co-ordinated, and they did become excellent friends.

We did pay her about a third less than the going rate. This is what she asked, and tbh it seems fair. We were paying for childcare and in effect she was also carrying out her own childcare rather than paying someone else. She was busier, our DC got shared attention. Also, because she had her own child, there were times when he was ill or they both caught each other's illnesses and it caused complication occasionally.

Her child ate our food but she brought her own nappies for her child.

bbcessex Mon 24-Jun-13 21:48:17

I would choose a NWOC that I bonded with over a Nanny Without Own Child who was just okay. It's also a positive having a mum looking after your own children - there is an extra perspective that you get when you have a children/ren of your own (in my experience anyway).

I do think you'd have to offer a slight reduction in salary though (unless returning to an existing job after maternity leave), because there are added issues / challenges / things to think about.

I'd emphasise your experience, and understanding from a 'parent's perspective'.

Karoleann Mon 24-Jun-13 21:48:29

You have to spend some of the time looking after your own child - you can't completely ignore him, therefore your are less able to look after your employers children, or do nursery duties than you otherwise would be.
18 month old children do need a lot of looking after. Its only fair you should be taking a drop in salary.

glitternanny Mon 24-Jun-13 21:49:04

I also agree I am very lucky to bring my own boy to work it certainly is not something I take for granted.

I agree about the childminder v nanny aspect but with a lot of childminders their day is centred around the needs of all her children, they spend a large proportion of the day doing school/nursery runs sometimes to several different locations at several points during the day - following the requests of all her parents.

I'm still doing the job my employer wants me to do, yes sometimes with the distraction of my son, but I follow your rules/routine and you still get all of the other benefits of a nanny to boot like nursery duties being done, family washing, tidy kitchen, not worrying about milk/bread in the kitchen and even sometimes dinner waiting for you at the end of the day.

I'm not trying to be argumentative and what you have offered me as your points of view are very much appreciated.

CouthyMow Mon 24-Jun-13 21:49:10

I'll be honest. If I want a situation where my toddler is not the 100% focus of his Carer's attention, I will put him in a Nursery or find a Childminder. If I hire a Nanny, then I expect 100% of the focus to be on MY child. I'm not going to pay a Nanny wage if I'm not getting that.


I would NEVER hire a Nanny with their own DC, sorry.

nulgirl Mon 24-Jun-13 21:52:17

From my perspective, I've got 2 kids so have had a toddler and an older child. I know that the older child suffers from lack of attention due to the younger and that the younger though adorable, can be annoying/ ruin games/ break toys etc. If I am paying for someone to look after my children I don't want them to have to tolerate an 18 month old child every day (or even half the week) in their own house. I have just had my god sons who are 18 months over and have had to toddler-proof and move my ds collection of complex Lego models. I've done the toddler bit twice and wouldn't particularly want another in my house for several days a week.

I sound like such an old grouch don't I but these may be some of the things that prospective employers are thinking.

ilovemountains Mon 24-Jun-13 21:53:39

Most Childminders in my area don't do school runs. Though perhaps they do in your area.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 24-Jun-13 21:57:14

A NWOC situation is only really worthwhile to families where there is a financial saving. 50% is a joke, but I think you need to offer at least 10% off going rates to make yourself appealing.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 24-Jun-13 22:57:58

I know you are struggling to find a job sad

You were very lucky to stay on same money taking ds with you - not many families will do that even in my area

50% paycut is silly but do think you need to look at 20% so £8 nett

Maybe look at another 2/3 day job rather then 5 days

Compared to other nwoc you do offer more flexibility as half the week dad has him

Not sure what to suggest tbh apart from pay cut or travel further but that also means out of the house for longer which is tough on both of you

Some employed happy to have nwoc and pay less - others want the whole 100% attention on their dc

LePetitPrince Mon 24-Jun-13 23:07:43

I agree with bbcessex - you would be a perfect after-school nanny but as you say, the hours aren't attractive. If a family have older children who need help with homework or music practice, that might be tricky with a toddler. A family with younger children may work better until such point that your child needs to be dropped to a different nursery/activity and then it becomes very hard. I think you need to expect 10% less possibly.

K8Middleton Mon 24-Jun-13 23:08:23

I have had a nanny share and paid less. I would expect to pay less if I was sharing my nanny with her own child either. I would not pay £10 an hour for a nanny with her child too. I would expect to reduce by 25-30%

You may find that due to tax thresholds you're not actually as worse off as 25-30% in real terms? It may be more like 18-25% but without the figures I'm just making a guess.

Judyandherdreamofhorses Tue 25-Jun-13 05:30:01

I'm actively looking for a nanny with own child. In our circumstances, I think it would be just right. It's part time - 5 mornings. DD is at preschool for 3 days, so it would be drop off for her then care of 1 year old DS. He's used to having his sister around so would like another child about. He has a decent nap, so the nanny would be able to play solely with her own child then. I don't need household or other duties doing.

I would be looking for her to have a child older than DS though.

Mimishimi Tue 25-Jun-13 07:13:22

I wouldn't because presumably I'd be hiring a nanny to look after my children, not theirs as well. Otherwise I would go with a CM. Sorry.

Trunchbull Tue 25-Jun-13 07:21:42

I have worked as an NWOC for 4 years, since my DD was 6 months old. I had two lovely jobs, one doing flexible hours with two older girls (their Mum was doing a nursing degree so the hours changed weekly) and the second was an afterschool job. Both were tricky hours which didn't appeal to nannies without children.

When she was smaller it was much easier to find jobs. Now she is at FT school I am struggling to find anything I can fit within/ around her hours. The only thing I can potentially do is find a steady, well paid 3 day job, put her with a childminder and suck it up. It's either that or childmind, or move out of the field completely. It's really hard, unfortunately it gets harder the older your own DC gets.

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