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If you were expecting number three and already had four and two year old and could afford £2000 of help what would you get?

(34 Posts)
orderinformation Thu 06-Jun-13 14:07:09

Do I want a maternity nurse for two weeks or equivalent spread out so I get some sleep?

Or a specialist baby nursery nurse to help out a few hours a day so I can spend time with older two?

Or an au pair for six months to help generally?

Or a childminder for older two so I can bond with the baby?

Or something else?

pizzaqueen Thu 06-Jun-13 14:09:57

I think i would prefer to put the other two in nursery of CM a couple of afternoons a week for a longer period to let you rest, bond with baby and catch up on household tasks.

PointeShoes Thu 06-Jun-13 14:15:13

Nursery or childminder and a cleaner and someone to make hot meals would be fantastic.

NomDeClavier Thu 06-Jun-13 17:20:26

Postnatal doula

Or mothers help type person PT for 3 months to help cook, clean, muck in with the older ones and hold the baby while you shower.

I doubt you want an au pair as they need a fair amount of handholding.

weakestlink Thu 06-Jun-13 17:54:27

I am in a very similar position.

I am going to:
Put 2yr old into childcare 2 full days a week
Put 5yr old 2 days holiday club in school hols (baby due July)
Hire a cleaner for 2 x 3 hours a week to clean and do laundry (mainly put children's clothes away).

When I had my 2nd DC I hired a mothers help for 20 hours a week but I found it didn't work too well as I could not relax/sleep with the new baby whilst toddler in the house. I ended up spending a fortune paying mileage and soft play entry fees to get them out of the house when what would have been better was a nursery/childminder!

Lavenderandroses Thu 06-Jun-13 17:57:18

Cleaner and home help.

In my experience maternity nurses are old fashioned and interfering. Enjoy your time special with your newborn and pay for help with the rest of the running of the household so you don't have to worry.

beltsandsuspenders Thu 06-Jun-13 21:06:13

I think it depends - if you couldn't drive (like I couldn't!) how would you get your other children to holiday club etc. I think a lot depends on how you feel about someone else in your house/honestly think about what would be your dream situation

I also think that the above post is a bit judgemental - not all maternity nurses are old fashioned and interfering!

MoonHare Thu 06-Jun-13 21:16:55

I have a 4yo, 2yo and 7mo old. If I had the luxury of spare cash I would pay someone to do the washing, including folding and putting away. We generate a lot of washing. A lot.

I wouldn't want to separate the children by sending my 2yo to nursery, I thought about it and am very glad I decided not to.

ReetPetit Thu 06-Jun-13 21:25:40

in all honesty, none of those confused

is your 4 year old at school/nursery or all 3 going to be at home all day?

My priority would be to my 4 year old some peer interaction, so into a nursery class (preperation for reception if not already in) and my 2 year old possibly into a half day playgroup, and maybe get a cleaner if I was struggling.

I could afford to pay someone, but wouldn't really want to - I would want to spend the time with my children - just get someone into to do the housework if you are not managing the house and the kids.

doughnut44 Thu 06-Jun-13 21:47:29

one of my mindees had a maternity nurse and I have to say she was the most fantastic baby I have ever minded. she still is a dream child age 3

Karoleann Thu 06-Jun-13 21:48:49

When i had number 3 DS1 and Ds2 were 4 and 2. DH had got the hang of babies so he had 2 weeks paternity leave. My mum then stayed a week. I never found a maternity nurse very helpful TBH.

We then had a mothers help/nanny for a few months who did 35 hours a week. DS2 also went to nursery, three morning a week.

Nanny came every morning to help with breakfast and school. Initially she also came with us when I took DS2 to an activity so I could spend a bit of time with him. She was amazing in the evening, all of mine have been a bit fractious and fed a lot in the evening so she took care of tea and bath time.

I think we paid her £9/hour net for a 35 hour week but she was contracted for the whole week flexibly. So things changed as time went on.

Anyway - au pair wouldn't be able to look after a small baby, but you could get a live in mother's help for £250/week live in that would be flexible if you had the room. I've just never fancied the idea of having someone else in the house.

KateShmate Thu 06-Jun-13 21:58:53

We were in the same situation a few years ago - we had a just-turned 3YO, an 18MO and had newborn triplets.
We decided to employ a nanny who would be at home with me - it might sound like a bit of a strange set-up, but it worked brilliantly for us!
Obviously newborn triplets (or newborns. period) can be pretty time consuming, so I would either be tending to 3 small babies, and the nanny would be entertaining the older 2, or she would be looking after the babies whilst I was able to do activities with my older DD's.
It just meant that whilst I was feeding DTriplets, I didn't have to worry about DD1 and DD2 being bored and when I was doing things with DD1 and DD2, I didn't have to worry about rushing back and forth to the babies.
3YO DD had also just started pre-school and often if we'd had a 'tricky' morning, we weren't all up and ready to get her to pre-school, or it happened to fall at the same time as 3 babies being starving, so our nanny was able to nip DD1 to pre-school, or start feeding babies whilst I took her.
I didn't even really think about being able to just sit down and have dinner with my older girls without trying to juggle newborns, or trying to cook dinner etc.
I guess it completely depends on you and your children, but just thought I'd give my view to show how much it helped smile

Murtette Thu 06-Jun-13 22:10:21

I only have two but the help I had when DC2 came along (and DP was working pretty much every hour there was, certainly during the week)
- childcare - for the first three months, DD (2.6) was in nursery three full days a week as she simply continued what she'd been doing before I went on mat leave. Whilst it was nice, I did feel that I wasn't seeing much of her but then had two days when it was just me & the DC which could seem very long! For the six months after that, DD was in nursery two days a week and in village pre-school twice a week from 9 - 12. This seemed like a better balance as I had more regular catch up/bond with DC2 time and felt that I wasn't abandoning DD as much;
-cleaning - a cleaner twice a week who did a proper clean on one of the days and on the other would clean the kitchen & bathrooms, change all of the beds, iron DP shirts, the bedding & about half a laundry basket's worth of other ironing & do some general sorting (we'd had this cleaner for years so she knew where things lived)
- until DC2 was 6mo, a 15yo neighbour in between 6 & 7 whose job was to put all the toys away & tidy the bedroom, help me with bathtime & generally lend a hand (so if the baby wanted feeding, she'd be in (supervised) charge of bathing the 2.5yo and reading her stories; if the baby was grizzly and wanted a cuddle, she did that & I looked after 2.5yo). It helped that the 15yo was a lovely girl.
Thinking about it now, that probably cost me around £600 per month but some of that was paid with childcare vouchers which I obviously continued to get during my mat leave. With little practical support from DP and no local family & recently moved to the area so no friends who could be expected to help, I think it was money well spent.
OP have you considered the local teenager option? They can be very cheap &, whilst you can't leave the DC with them, it is an extra pair of hands. During the summer holidays last year, my 15yo would sometimes come over for an hour (£4.50) and it was lovely that she'd jiggle & cuddle DC2 (who was so much happier when held) leaving me to do something with DD properly; or she'd take DD out into the garden & play with her leaving my to sit on the sofa & feed or, if DC2 was napping, just get on with something. She only lives 3 doors away and there have been two occasions when I've just called her and said "can you come around now" and she has arrived within minutes & she has helped me deal with a crisis (on one occasion, DS had been sick all over DD, something she didn't appreciate!)
Good luck!

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny Thu 06-Jun-13 23:01:14

Partly depends how you would be feeding baby (as may be of less benefit if breastfeeding) but I would consider a night nanny 2/3 nights per week for 6-10 weeks (assuming approx £100 per night).

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 06-Jun-13 23:41:12

Tricky - depends what you think you need

Someone to play/look after older 2
Help with baby
Or both
Help with housework/cleaning

A night nanny is great for helping you get baby into a routine and you get sleep this making days easier for you

A nanny can help during the day with all 3

A cleaner can make life easier with cleaning and washing

Mothers help can maybe help with all the above (apart nights) but may not be that good/hands on with baby

I'm not much help eh pmsl

Personally in your shoes I would try and get a nanny who has had baby exp to come and help for maybe a month or so - she (or he eh nanny nick) can then help out with all 3 children

Depending on area and experience and how many days etc £2k wouldn't actually last that long - well not in KENT - obv help 3 days a week would last last longer then say 5 days a week (could be easily 400/500 a week if full time)

Pumpkinsquid Fri 07-Jun-13 08:07:54

4 yr old is in full time nursery school, 2 year old does 2.5 days per week and I am at home on maternity with a 1 yr old (returning to work shortly) I spent the £ on a cleaner. Worth every penny. She has made the difference between me being stressed and me coping.

GibberTheMonkey Fri 07-Jun-13 08:12:19

A cleaner for ages

I've been in that position, though without the money and a cleaner would have been most useful

Actually we would have spent it on tv in hospital and then babysitters as dc3 was prem but that's by the by

mrswishywashy Fri 07-Jun-13 08:21:09

I'm a maternity nurse and I am not old fashioned and interfering!

I've done a few two/three week positions with siblings. I help by interacting with older children, maybe taking them to playground or walk, cooking some meals, making sure mum gets as much rest as possible, running errands.

I do recommend that I come in after father takes two weeks paternity leave as then baby is just that bit older to work into routine and also means if bfing mothers supply will be established.

It really does depend on you.

Lavenderandroses Fri 07-Jun-13 12:34:03

I didn't mean to sound horrible about all maternity nurses. That was only my experience of one. It was one of my friends who had one and clearly the maternity nurse wanted the baby to be in a 'routine' which was the problem. My friend was bf and as bf advocates know, bf babies do not go into 'routines'. This is why I felt she was very old fashioned, because that approach is not evidence based and certainly contradicted all the professional support my friend was receiving.

mrswishywashy Fri 07-Jun-13 14:13:11

We are all very different.

Most clients do want baby on routine from early so we have to respect that. Whether breast or bottle fed all my babies have been on a flexible routine by six weeks and sleeping 12 hours with maybe one night feed by 12 weeks. I don't do controlling crying and I am respectful of the parents wishes in regards to the structure of the day.

Choose a good maternity nurse who complements your personality and at the end of the contract time you will feel well rested and confident and baby and parents will be happy.

Lavenderandroses Fri 07-Jun-13 14:37:30

It sounds like you would have been fantastic for her. Much more flexible. Are all maternity nurses actual nurses? I dont think i even asked this before?

beltsandsuspenders Fri 07-Jun-13 14:58:27

Some are and some are not. The one which we had was a qualified nurse

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 07-Jun-13 15:13:24

As like mrs wishywashy I have got many babies into a routine and sleeping through the night 7-7 by 12 weeks some still havin dream feed till 16weeks - some are bf - some mixed - some all formula

Not intending to start an argument but bf babies can easily be put easily into a routine and sleep through the night

Job before last were bf twins and both sleeping through 7-7 by 16 weeks - one twin by 13 weeks

We listen to what the parent want and help them achieve that without babies getting upset and I use the soothe pat method rather then cc

As always there are good and bad nannies - good and bad mn - good and bad cm/ nurseries

But we have got off the subject of what the op needs or how to get the best out of her £2k smile

Exhaustipated Fri 07-Jun-13 15:19:25

I only have two but I have had health problems. I've used free 15 hours preschool, every morning, plus a mother's help. I would really recommend this as you can get help with cleaning, baby holding (!), shopping, meals, playing with older one etc. Just an extra pair of hands and no worries about cleaning the bathroom etc. You could have eg 3 hours per day for a good few months.

Hyperhelpmum Fri 07-Jun-13 18:09:44

Yikes I'm expecting number 3 with one of just 5 and one nearly 3 and now thinking holy crap I need some help! I will be having a c section too. Currently have a cleaner 3 hrs a week but can totally see washing especially ironing and putting away getting totally out of control! How does one go about finding a maternity nurse/ mothers help?

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