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mindee seems to resent me

(6 Posts)
mybestday Tue 21-May-13 19:01:00

I have a mindee who is 2 and a half. She has a pretty unstable home life and i have dealt with a few behavioural issues since having her for the past year but we have always had a lovely relationship. Recently though she has started to seem to push me away whenever there is anyone there but me and her. If there is an adult she wont allow me to help with anything but wants the other adult to. If there is another dc shr doesnt want to join in any activities and is very resentful/aggressive with me. I really dont know the best way to tackle this and find it upsetting. Id really value your comments.

doughnut44 Tue 21-May-13 23:03:54

awh. It sounds as though she is punishing you for something. has there been anything different in either of your lives such as a new sibling or mindee? are her parents going through any problems?

doughnut44 Tue 21-May-13 23:06:44

ooh just read she has an unstable home life. This will have such an impact on her. Poor thing. I think the most important thing is that you are there fir her. let her do her own thing and continue to treat her as you always did. show her you are always there when she needs you and that you can be trusted 100%.

mybestday Wed 22-May-13 07:28:09

Thank you so much for your reply. There is stuff going on at home and i have had a new mindee for a couple of mpnths. Before that it was me and her most of the time. If other people are there she wont even let me undo her pram without trying to hit me. If she falls over etc. she eont let me comfort her but gets very angry and tries to hit me. If i ask her to do anything she says no and tries to hit me. I am finding it very difficult.

NoHank Wed 22-May-13 10:26:42

mybestday sorry you are finding this so hard. It sounds like her unstable home life is spilling over into your relationship with her. I would say she is testing her boundaries and your commitment to her by pushing you away. I've worked a lot in children's homes and with foster children and it can often be the case that children with disruptive backgrounds (and I'm not saying she has, just making assumptions from your post) can struggle making relationships with others. I know she has been with you a while but she is now old enough to assert some control over the situation iyswim and it sounds like this is what she is doing.

The best thing you can do is be consistent. Show her you will still be there for her to help and support her despite her rejecting you. I'm not saying excuse her behaviour either but deal with this consistently too especially the hitting. Children from unstable homes are often crying out for boundaries as these can offer more security. Good luck

mybestday Wed 22-May-13 14:49:04

Thanks for the really helpful reply. that definately makes sense. She does really struggle with relationships with the other dc and seems to enjoy doing things she knows they dont want her to again and again until they get upset (eg. putting her legs on them, etc.). i feel like I tell her off a lot, but have to think of the other dc.

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