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CM club: How would you deal with this?

(10 Posts)
HiccupHaddockHorrendous Sat 18-May-13 09:02:00

Mindee (nearly 11yrs) informed me last week that he doesn't like it at my house because it's boring. sad

He's been coming here for 4 years and is treated like a member of the family. Over the last year or so, I've noticed a change in him - answering back, winding the younger ones up etc but I put it down to his age. My DS is the same age and sometimes displays similar behaviours. I have a zero tolerance on the back-chat and try to distract them all with an activity when the winding-up starts. It's never been so bad that I've had to contact his parents.

He walks to and from my home on his own and has done for quite some time so I never see either parent but have occasional contact via text if they need to change our normal plans.

He arrived this week and told me he has to 'stick it out' with me for another week or so and can stop coming at half term.

I've had no communication from either parent to inform me of this and feel really sad that after all this time they didn't have the courtesy to phone me to discuss it.

I'm a bit torn between phoning/writing to his parents and pointing out the 4 weeks notice period to terminate contract or just letting him go at the end of next week and look forward to a peaceful last half term without him (makes me sound horrid, doesn't itsad).

He'd be finishing at the end of the school year anyway as he moves up to secondary school.

Any advice?

NoHank Sat 18-May-13 09:16:22

I wouldn't just take his word for it that he won't be coming after half term. Perhaps he just meant during the holidays? If your normal method of communication is by text then I would text his parents telling them of what he has told you and asking them to clarify it for you.

It may have been a misunderstanding or it may be that it is true in which case it gives you the chance to raise the notcie period / termination of contract.

And no you don't sound horrid at all. This is your home and family you are talking about. You are entitled to want to work and live in a peaceful environment smile

5318008 Sat 18-May-13 09:21:48

Do ring the parents.
Say that the child has hinted that they are finishing at half term, a bit puzzling because you've not heard anything about this and you would like clarification, please, and of course you could have got the wrong end of the stick <tinkly laugh>

He does sound a bit fed up, how much of that is high sch transition anxiety, or just his age, or do you need to reflect on what's on offer for an older child at yor setting ,I don't know.

Good luck my dear

fivesacrowd Sat 18-May-13 09:22:58

Think you need to clarify with his parents that they know that he's not planning on coming back after half term. I'd also point out that there is a notice period. I'd be really upset if any of my parents though it was ok to let a mindee tell me they weren't coming back without speaking to me about it. What if they thought he was still coming to you and he's just decided to do his own thing instead?

5318008 Sat 18-May-13 09:23:28

Oh yes, agree with nohank.

If you weren't lovely you wouldn't be bothered and concerned

HiccupHaddockHorrendous Sat 18-May-13 09:54:17

Thanks for the replies!

I will contact his parents today.

He does seem fed up but it has coincided with him changing the days he comes here (there is other stuff going on in his family, aswell) and there are different children here on the days he now comes. I've tried to find out if there's anything specific I can do to help but he says no. He just wants to go home and play out on the street.

Whenever I have an activity planned, he refuses to do it even if everyone else is enthusiastic. All he wants to do is play on the Xbox which isn't an option unless it's only him and DS here (rarely happens on the days he comes now).

I seem to invest far too much in some of these children and it just gets thrown back in my face sad

doughnut44 Sat 18-May-13 11:43:53

he is at 'that age' isn't he. I thank you for your post because you have reinforced my decision not to have school age childrenwink
good luck with speaking to his parents and don't fret cos if he goes your life gets easiergrin

HiccupHaddockHorrendous Sat 18-May-13 11:56:47

Yes, I think the way forward is either pre-schoolers or schoolies...not both!

This school year is turning out to be a really difficult one and this is just tipping me over the edge of wanting to find a 'proper' job. I've decided not to take on any more mindees (apart from the two I've already agreed to for September) for the time being.

I'm going to re-do all contracts over the summer for a fresh start in September. I think my terms and conditions need a bit of a shake up!

MaryPoppinsBag Sat 18-May-13 17:31:14

I look after an 11 year old and although he is polite and well behaved. I can tell he is bored rigid.

I dread the holidays as it must be so dull for him. Oh well not long until he goes to the Secondary school and gets a key.

I have mainly looked after older children 5-11's and I'm making a move to littlies in September.

My own children are 4 & 7 and find it hard with the after schools. I've picked up work eith a baby who I will collect at school and who be picked up at 4.30. So mimimal impact on family life.

I am thinking of sending the 11 year old out with his mates this half term.

MaryPoppinsBag Sat 18-May-13 17:32:17

Oops posted before I finished!

I would contact the parents and ask if he is finishing soon.

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