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separation anxiety

(3 Posts)
mpickle Wed 15-May-13 20:54:11

Hi
I was hoping for some advice I have a 2.2yr old, I am planning to take her out of nursery and place her in a childminder. She has been in the nursey since she was one. It took her a long time to settle and she still always cried when I left her. At 2yrs she moved to the bigger group (2-3yrs). She has been struggling with the change she is crying when I leave her and when I pick her up. Being unsettled on and off throughout the day and not eating all her meals (very unusual for her). The nursery report that they have attmpted to comfort her but they do not have capacity to spend long periods of time with her, which is what she needs. Hence I have found a childmnder, but I am very aware that I want this to work. I have had sixXtaister sessions over the last two weeks (with me staying with my daughter), and next week I will be leaving her with the childmnder. But doing it gradually so the first day leaving her alone for one hour, then the next day two hours and the following day four hours. SHe is only going to be attending 1.5 days a week.

But I am really looking for any extra advice on easing the transition for her. I left her for five minites today and she screamed the place down. I really need this to work so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

ReetPetit Wed 15-May-13 20:59:29

i think you may have a tough time. the 1.5 days makes matters worse and is probably why she hasn't ever settled at nursery (is this what she has been doing there?)

Also, you may have over done the settling period with the new cm. I find one week works best, with mum only staying for a limited period on the first day.

What does your childminder say? If she is experienced, she will tell you if she feels your anxiety is rubbing off on dd (sorry, don't mean that in a rude way) You really need to relax about it in order for it to work. If dd feels your anxieties about the situation, these will transfer themselves to her.

sweetsummerlove Wed 15-May-13 21:20:57

This is a toughy, I am surprised that she has been in nursery for over a year and still struggles so much. I can imagine how hard it is for you to leave her. . hugs!

Truthfully it sound's as though your DD needs alot of attention, and I have to wonder if a childcare setting, nursery or childminder where her 1:1 time will be limited, is ever going to work? . Separation anxiety is something she will grow out of, but some children do take much longer than others. I have known this to be fairly common in children of single parent families who then meet a new partner later on, which is only when the ss begins to reside. Mum and child have close bond and child finds being away very hard. This isn't to say it's a bad thing, obviously we should always encourage independence, but nevertheless children need their parents or a strong relationship with a carer until they are emotionally ready to branch out. I really do hope she settles with the CM for you. x

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