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CMs help! My daughter is being rough with the mindees

(12 Posts)
LingDiLong Wed 15-May-13 20:05:16

My daughter is coming up for 3 years old and loves all the mindees and enjoys playing with them but lately has been lashing out at them too. I look after an almost 2 year old and she's scratched him twice this week. The trigger seems to be if she wants to be left alone to play with something or if they're fighting over a toy. Obviously I'm dealing with this - she has a time out in her room and always comes out contrite and apologetic and plays nicely for a while after.

It isn't constant, thankfully and she is also loving and kind to them. I'm just a bit worried about how my parents must view this - especially the parents of the little boy who's been scratched. I've been honest with them about the problem and so far they seem very relaxed about it but I'm not sure how long that will continue. It's difficult to have a proper conversation at pick up as the kids are all bouncing around and excited so I was considering dropping the parents an email tonight to outline how I'm dealing with the situation and reassure them that a) I'm doing my best to protect their child and b) he's not in some horrible warzone being constantly attacked! Or am I making too big a deal of this - should I just leave it unless the parents ask me for more reassurance?

Any advice you can give me on how to deal with my daughter's behaviour would also be very much appreciated!

CreatureRetorts Wed 15-May-13 20:35:30

Can you give her some toys which are just for her. If she wants to play with them she stays in her room. If she wants to play with the other kids she has to share. Give star stickers for good behaviour?
Also is she extra tired or hungry when she's like that? If so can you anticipate it and take action?

LingDiLong Wed 15-May-13 20:43:02

She does have her own toys up in her room...it's not so much that she doesn't want to share but that the 2 year olds I look after are at that age where they will toddle over and try and take what she has. I'm always there and will intervene/distract or whatever but sometimes she lashes out before I get a chance to do anything.

She's certainly worse when she's tired and I kind of anticipate it when she's at her worst - after school - by letting her watch some TV away from all the kids. I can't do that all the time though as I don't want her watching too much telly!

Thanks for your reply!

CreatureRetorts Wed 15-May-13 21:03:03

How about giving her a tactic for dealing with it? So every time she lashes out, ask her what she should do instead. Eg come to you, offer another toy etc. then massive praise when she does?

LingDiLong Wed 15-May-13 21:09:53

Thanks Creature, I have tried telling her to do that but maybe I need to try even harder. Sigh. I hope it's a phase that ends soon...

minderjinx Thu 16-May-13 20:20:33

Does she scratch with her nails? If so, I would cut them very short and file them daily.

LingDiLong Thu 16-May-13 20:41:40

Thanks minderjinx, am keeping them short but stupidly hadn't thought to file them. I'll do that tomorrow. She's actually been lovely today though, so sweet and loving. Fingers crossed for another good day tomorrow!

doughnut44 Thu 16-May-13 23:35:51

I would try to take her side a little bit. the younger children cannot just take what she is playing with. Unfortunately our own children often get the raw end of the stick. I found I was constantly telling my son to give the other children what they wanted thinking that my son was just trying to assert his authority. However one day I took a step back and realised that the younger mindee just wanted everything that my son had.
good luck x x

awwwwmannnn Tue 21-May-13 21:53:17

personally speaking, as a parent who's DD is with a childminder 4 days a week. as long as it was being dealt with and the CM was being open and honest then i really wouldn't have a problem with a few scratches.

kids will be kids and its something that could happen anywhere - like i said as long as it was being dealt with and not brushed under the carpet id be cool with it x

LingDiLong Tue 21-May-13 22:25:08

Sorry, only just coming back to this. You're right of course doughnut, I do come down harder on her than the other mindees. I've eased off a bit and whether it's coincidence or not she's been much better.

Thanks awwwmannn, I've had another chat with the parents and they are of the same mind as you thankfully!

NoHank Wed 22-May-13 10:37:23

Hello LingDiLong. You've had some very good advice already. I just wanted to add that I had the exact same problem with my own DD around a year ago and it was just a phase and did pass very quickly. I did almost exactly as you are, removed her everytime etc and reinforced that it would not be tolerated but also tried to be more understanding that she was fed up with her toys being played with all the time.

After a couple of weeks she stopped altogether. (and like you it wasn't every day, just now and again) and has never done it since.

Now all my mindees and DD are a bit older we spend a little bit of time everyday sitting and chatting about how to behave, how to be kind etc. They all love this as it gives them chance to talk about what they have done well that day and then they all get a sticker. It reinforces the positive behaviour. And they all love getting stickers!

LingDiLong Wed 22-May-13 22:24:59

Thanks NoHank, that's reassuring. And I love the idea of a kind of 'circle time' where we chat about kindness and they get stickers - I shall be using this!

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