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CM Club - Dealing with a 'nasty' chilminder?

(19 Posts)
Booh Wed 17-May-06 12:35:08

Right then, I really do not know how to deal with this..........there is a CM in my village that I see all the time, and is in direct competition with me. But she is sssooooo nosey and nasty it is untrue and normally it doesn't get to me, but it has got to the point were it is starting to really p** me off!

Today at toddler group, she always come over and asks how many children I have with me......well I only had DD today, one at nursery, two on hols, but it isn't any of her business so I didn't tell her, just brushed her off with a comment of enjoying a nice peaceful day! She always wants to know what I am doing, how busy I am etc etc, and I really don't want to share that information........or confidential info regarding my mindees, or me. She wanted to know how come I could have twins under one, and three others all under the age of 2 1/2.......well luv I have been a nanny for triplets from the age of 2 weeks for three years so my current broad are nothing!!

What do I do? or do I sound petty?

LucyJones Wed 17-May-06 12:36:18

maybe she is just trying to be friendly?

TambaTheDragonSlayer Wed 17-May-06 12:38:09

I think you sound petty

MarsLady Wed 17-May-06 12:40:43

Is she being nosey or nasty?

So far what you've said is that she's asked questions about how many children you mind. The question about 3 under 2.5 is a reasonable one as minders, as you know, have strict ratios. It is possible that she doesn't know about the exception that is made for twins (with permission). Perhaps she's a relatively new minder and is just looking for some friendly information.

Personally, as you asked, yes I do think that you sound petty. Maybe the woman would just like a friendly face and some support.

Booh Wed 17-May-06 13:15:58

No she isn't in any way friendly - so much so that other people have noticed. Never a 'hello or how are you'

And regarding the questions that she asks, it is the same ones every single week. And do I really have to explain that I am allowed to have 2 under one and four under five.......and yes she does know that you can get permission, as she asked and was refused a few months ago.

Have tried to be nice, and get to know her, but she is just plain nasty. It is very hard as she looks after my friends little girl (not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I turned down looking after said little girl as I do not look after friends children.)

jellyjelly Wed 17-May-06 13:37:34

I have noticed now that i am taking my son to nursery and they find that i am a minder i feel that they are always looking and now not friendly particulary when they say that they are minders because they know that i am good, kind and very patient with the children and i will get the business if i want it as i am well known for the right reasons.

How about a very friendly ' you know i cant tell you about the children in my care, i have lots of relevent experiance which i have demonstrated to ofsted and i am exceptional in my business and thats why i can care for xxxx many children. Then excuse me, i have tend to lo or something like that. Be firm and to the point and that should make her back off and stop askign questions

jellyjelly Wed 17-May-06 13:41:46

she could also be racking up how much you maek per week and could be jealous.

Twiglett Wed 17-May-06 13:43:05

you are allowed 6 under 5's .... no way jose

Twiglett Wed 17-May-06 13:47:46

this is double posted btw ... answers on both threads

Booh Wed 17-May-06 13:47:46

Thanks jelly the sound of sense! I do think what you said about the nursery is true.

What I meant to say is that I have my own daughter who is two, twins who are four months and their older sister who is 2years 3 months. All with Ofsteds approval, and I DO meet the national standards (had my inspection when I had the above children and got outstanding!)

Could it also be that my own daugher goes to another childminer two afternoons a week and not her?

Blimey there are some really nasty people out there on this forum sticking their heads out

Twiglett Wed 17-May-06 13:50:57

that's totally different .. so you're allowed 4 under 5's because you have twins under 1 ..

and if you keep seeing other people as 'nasty' maybe you should look to your own perception of what people are saying? ... just a suggestion because it might make life easier for you

Isyhan Wed 17-May-06 14:21:13

Its not being nasty booh. Sorry if you interpret it that way. I look at other childminders alot when Im at mums and tots its because Im trying to work things out for myself for when I start. Sometimes I ask them questions. Although youve got me thinking that maybe I shouldnt now. Dont want them thinking Im nasty! Only joking.

FeelingOld Wed 17-May-06 14:23:30

I know a similar cm to you booh.
She is always asking questions and she even reported one of my cm friends to ofsted cos she saw her with 4 under 5's on one occasion (my friend had a variation for just 1 afternoon per week on the basis of continuity of care). It turns out this particular 'not very nice' cm had been turned down by ofsted previously for a variation (hers was to take on new business) and she was taking it out on the rest of us c'mers.

IMO she is jealous of you, maybe not nasty, but also you are not being petty either. If you have the relevent qualifications and approval from ofsted then it's none of her business how many children you care for and if I were you I would go with the speech jellyjelly suggested.

looneytune Wed 17-May-06 14:35:55

Agree with Feelingold - maybe not nasty but I think she's probably jealous - why would she need to ask you over and over???!!

I also know how you feel to a point but about something different. When I started at local toddler group the other childminders were very friendly. I then didn't go for quite some time as I was busy with a different line of work. I then went back as a childminder and very quickly I had the full 4 mindees I was allowed. I didn't say anything to the other minders but they noticed and were a bit off that I got all that work within a month of getting registered, whilst they were struggling for work and I think that made them jealous. I did feel for them but it doesn't make it my problem.

Isyhan Wed 17-May-06 14:39:28

Yes Ive noticed quite a bit of jealousy at toddler group. Not about me but a childminder I know who runs quite a large childminding business now and is popular locally with parents. Because im friendly with her they were off with me. Their problem I say.

looneytune Wed 17-May-06 15:00:53

Yeah - lots of bitchyness between childminders and competition isn't there!

Luckily I'm now attending Childminder Drop In's and all the jealousy appears to have gone. They were actually really lovely when my dh lost his job and although I've had loads of enquiries again and have got myself full, this time I think they are geniunely pleased for me. It helps that they are doing better with mindees these days.

HappyMumof2 Wed 17-May-06 16:07:57

Message withdrawn

badgerhead Wed 17-May-06 16:34:25

Booh, I do understand what you mean about nosiness & I suspect jealousy. I expect she's heard about your 'outstanding' grade(which are very hard to get, but as a boost to childminders more are getting them than nurseries & that is in percentage proprtions as well) I have had a similar situation in the past & that particular childminder is no longer minding. I have also just been given permission for 4 under fives for a four week period at the end of June into July & expect to have comments from people about it, if they don't believe me then I shall either show them a copy of my certificate or refer them to Ofsted if they are going to be really petty about it.

childminderjanet Thu 18-May-06 11:16:36

I thought life was bitchy in the nanny world but childminders really do take the biscuit. I suppose they feel in direct competition, as more and more people in my borough (Bromley) are using nurserys, so there are a huge amount of unfilled places! But also what doesn't help good childminders it all the crap minders giving everyone else a bad name

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