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Grandparent wanting to take child out of your care

(34 Posts)
SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 13:30:57

Today my charges grandmother came round,

She asked for the carseat out of my car so she could take my 15month old charge out to tesco with her. I refused, then she had a go at me saying she had permission from mum to.

I still refused and she left in a strop.

My grounds for refusing were - child is in my care
- mum hasn't told me that nan was taking him out

Not a good day!

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 16-Apr-13 13:33:31

Couldn't one of you have got in touch with mum to ask her?!

CaptainSweatPants Tue 16-Apr-13 13:33:51

Why didn't you ring mindee's mum to clarify?

deleted203 Tue 16-Apr-13 13:35:52

You did the right thing. When mother turns up to pick child up tell her calmly that you were sorry her mother felt the need to be so rude to you, but that you cannot let a child out of your care simply because someone other than mother turns up and says it is ok.

Mother should have informed you when she dropped child off that Granny would be picking him up at x time, if she'd wanted him to go.

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 13:37:03

I am a nanny - meant to add in OP,

Mums a teacher so couldn't have got hold of her

DontmindifIdo Tue 16-Apr-13 13:37:28

that sounds about right - although if MIL turned up at DS's nursery, they'd call my mobile to check.

However, done now, explain what happened to the mum when she does pick up, stress that you can't hand the DCs over to others unless she calls you directly to say so. (Will be interesting to find out if the mum knew anything about it, I would imagine if she did, the grandparents would have called her ASAP after they left you and then she'd have been on the phone to you, I'm guessing they were bluffing)

K8Middleton Tue 16-Apr-13 13:42:02

Is there a history you know of? I mean has gm picked up child before?

I think you did the right thing.

Kiriwawa Tue 16-Apr-13 13:42:52

No, absolutely not!

I would be annoyed if you'd let her take my baby without my explicit permission so I think you did the right thing. Surely if it had been arranged, the mum would have let you know?

Have you met her before?

Floralnomad Tue 16-Apr-13 13:44:10

I would have done the same as you . Text the mum to let her know though as Granny will no doubt see it very differently to you .

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 13:46:09

Grandmother quite often pops round and says she's taking them, she's yet to beat me.

Mum normally leaves a note or will text key info for the day, nothing today regarding grandmother taking charge out

DontmindifIdo Tue 16-Apr-13 13:53:22

I think at pick up you need to say that you would like her to give you some official guidance on this, you dno't mind being 'bad cop' and saying no to the Grandmother, but if the mum would like you to give the DCs to the grandmother when she pops over you need to be told.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 16-Apr-13 15:14:47

tbh granny cant just pop round and demand she has her grandchild as you may have plans and as you said its your responsibility to have dc when parents arent here

different if mb says granny is coming at 1pm and you can finish early

maybe check with mb and see what she wants to happen next time granny 'pops'in

think i rem you saying about this before

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 15:28:52

Blondes - it's getting more & more frequent at least once a week then she plays it to try and make me guilty. Today I had oh ok but my best friend hasn't seen him in 3 weeks and I'm meeting her for coffee after I've done my shopping

CreatureRetorts Tue 16-Apr-13 15:30:02

Bloody hell. I have a nanny and would say you did the right thing.

You need to speak to your boss about this. It's unacceptable.

InLoveWithDavidTennant Tue 16-Apr-13 15:31:38

i think you did the right thing

am also interested to see if the dm knew anything about it grin

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 15:39:58

Will update later

WTFisABooyhoo Tue 16-Apr-13 15:45:06

if this has been happening regularly why haven't you spoken to your boss and asked them what you should do?

annh Tue 16-Apr-13 16:11:02

You are having a lot of problems with this family, aren't you? This evening's conversation is going to be interesting. Are you going to speak to her about the two weeks of laundry she left for you?

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 16:35:49

I have addressed this and mum boss says I'd rather you didn't hand him over unless I say, but then ive been moaned at the following week for not letting him go

Am going to address the 2 weeks laundry as well,

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 16-Apr-13 16:36:03

granny issues, leaving piles of washing, impertigo, cancelling working hours, why do you stay with this family?

i know jobs are rarer these days, but your family do seem to literally take the piss sad

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 16:40:06

I'm looking for another job but can't afford to hand in my notice until I find another one

Floralnomad Tue 16-Apr-13 16:51:11

Good luck with that they sound like a nightmare .

chipmonkey Tue 16-Apr-13 16:56:07

The granny should be happy that you're taking your charge's care seriously. My youngest boys are at nursery and if either granny is to collect them, then they ask for her car reg number and I have to sign for it. You are only doing your job.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 16-Apr-13 17:18:38

why not arrange a day a week if that is what granny wants and she can have charges in the afternoon/whatever mb/granny/you agree

you will know what day and time she will pick up

does mb agree with her popping and demanding-what does mb say when you say no?

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Tue 16-Apr-13 18:30:42

Well here we go
Mb agreed with me about not letting him go and didn't say much about her demanding things

I told her that unless I was made fully aware she would not be taking the boys out of my care

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