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Awkward situation!

(9 Posts)
NeverMindOhWell Tue 09-Apr-13 21:12:02

I have a DS, 4, now in FTE but from 0-3 he was cared for 3 days a week by a childminder. We stopped using her in Sept when DS started school.

Now I have a new baby and looking for the same amount of childcare. I spoke to CM when I was preggo and agreed start date but didn't sign a contract or pay a holding fee.

Since then I have been chatting with a good friend of mine whose DS goes to school with mine. She was looking for after school care and asked her SIL (who is a CM but had no space) for recommendations. Her SIL gave a couple of names and also told her she would NOT use my own CM for various reasons (didn't strap one of the children in buggy, child almost fell out, seen driving whilst using mobile).

My friend contacted a couple of others who the SIL had recommended they also mentioned my CM and said they would avoid her too. Similar reasons, she once forgot to put child lock on in car, thankfully only realised when parked. But another time, locked a child in the car while she nipped into Tesco Express.

My friend actually met my CM a couple of times at school and said she didn't really find her very friendly or cheerful.

All of this makes me feel uneasy, I can see she can come across as quite "high maintenance" but she was always great with my DS who loved going there and always had a lovely time. Obv he had no safety concerns at such a young age though!

I feel awful that we have known and trusted her for 3 years, agreed for her to have the baby and now are about to U-turn at the last minute. She is the type of person who would take this badly and bear a grudge IYSWIM.

Probably my own insecurities, but I don't want to be slagged off and then given the cold shoulder (which I expect will happen if I don't use her). But do I put my new baby in what could be an unsafe situation for the sake of avoiding confrontation?

Could it be that the other CMs are just a group of women who, for whatever reason, have an axe to grind with mine?

My DH says to ignore my friend's warnings, that DS never came to any harm and adored our CM and that's all that matters. But in the back of mind there will always be a worry, I wish my friend hasn't said anything but on the other hand I'm glad she did!

PregnantPain Tue 09-Apr-13 21:14:02

She is the type of person who would take this badly and bear a grudge IYSWIM.

If she does that then she is completely unprofessional and you'd be well rid!

If you don't want to leave baby with her then don't.

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 09-Apr-13 21:16:57

Tricky one.

Personally I would go from my own experience and not gossip. Did DS ever suffer an injury with her? Did you/your DH ever see anything that worried you when dropping off/picking up? What about other parents that have actually used her? Are they happy? Have any of their children had an injury whilst with her?

At least research it yourself and don't rely on your friend talking to her SIL/other childminders. Talk to them yourself.

ReetPetit Tue 09-Apr-13 21:19:18

Of course you shouldn't leave new baby with her if you believe these things to be true.

You haven't signed a contract or paid a deposit so you can do as you wish.

Do you have reason to believe people would be making up lies about her to ruin her business?

NeverMindOhWell Tue 09-Apr-13 22:22:00

Thanks guys. I have no reason to believe they'd make this stuff up (especially as she spoke to them all separately). Also her SIL would be honest with my friend I'm sure.

As it happens, there was one incident with my DS where they were in a cafe and a friend of the CM was pouring tea and spilled some on DS. No lasting damage, I came straight away and no burn.

I know some of the other parents, all lovely, some have had multiple children with her. And of course I used her myself for 3 years. No injuries that I know of.

It's so awkward as I only just confirmed with her last week the start date and then happened to tell my friend yesterday. If it was just idle gossip eg. She is unfriendly, she doesn't make kids eat their greens etc I could handle that cos my DS seemed so happy there. But where safety is an issue it's much harder to overlook!

doughnut44 Tue 09-Apr-13 23:35:22

The other minders sound very unprofessional to me. I would never comment on another minder to a prospective parent. No one is perfect. your child was with her for 3 years with no scars to show for it AND he loved her which speaks volumes in my eyes.
If you are unhappy with sending your baby there then don't but have the courtesy to tell her asap as by holding the place for you she is losing money

NeverMindOhWell Wed 10-Apr-13 07:58:00

Thanks doughnut, I talked to DH last night and he also pointed out that by bad mouthing her the others are saying more about themselves. We are going to stick with her I appreciate all your advice.

milf90 Wed 10-Apr-13 09:49:21

hmmm i think its a hard one. first hand experience i would have thought is better than hear say, they could hold a grudge against her etc. and i agree they are not being very professional - also how do they know these things? were they there at tesco express to?

fivesacrowd Wed 10-Apr-13 13:20:29

Could these other cm's have a grudge against your cm? Or are these real concerns? As a cm, I know I'm constantly on show when I'm out, but its really hard to be super smiley all the time and I sometimes wonder if I'm too smiley does that look a bit false grin. You have past experience of this cm and you were happy then. Does she know what's being said and had she had a chance to address these concerns? I know of a few other cm's I wouldn't personally leave my own dc with but I'd never share that with other parents as its not that I think they don't look after the kids in their care, more that they spend a lot if time in the shopping centre and don't go to toddlers or the park and they tend to focus on letting the mindees play on their own whereas I like to do an activity like baking or arts & crafts. Parents look for different things in childminders and I def agree with your dh that it reflects badly on these cm that they were so keen to talk about one of there fellow professionals (though I probably would recommend my friends who are cm's to my friends and relatives as I know that we have similar priorities when it comes to childcare).

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