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giving honesty really the best policy?

(21 Posts)
plb2013 Mon 08-Apr-13 20:51:50

I have nc for this, basically I have issues with my cm which have been going on for a while (I can't go into too much detail without outing myself) I have tried to resolve things with her and they do improve, for a while then back to where we started.
This past two weeks alone she has sent me a photo of the school run with my ds (2) walking really far in front of her, holding her son's hand half in the road (she thought the hand holding wassweet....
Her dh has been doing diy and left all his tools lying around the playroom and her son playing darts in the playroom while ds was there (it's where the mindees play when in the house oh and her ds is 6).
There are other issues but they will out me.
We have been actively looking for alternative care and have now found somewhere.
Dh has suggested that the reason we give when we give notice should be that we want more flexibility with holidays (she takes her entire leave in December but still takes random times in the year so we can never go away in the summer as by the time December rolls around we only just have enough leave to cover.
So, I feel we should be honest and tell her exactly why we are moving ds, Dh thinks this would make things more difficult than they need to be.
So, is honesty really the best policy here?

CatsCantFlyFast Mon 08-Apr-13 20:56:27

With no experience of your situation whatsoever I would say yes. Think of it as feedback that will hopefully prevent another mum having to go through the same. And remember it is your right as an employer to let her go, don't feel embarrassed

LemonBreeland Mon 08-Apr-13 20:56:56

I think as you have already tried to get her to deal with these issues, I have seen a previous thread, then you should be honest.

She clearly does not understand the safety issues st all. I'd be tempted to reoort her to ofsted too.

ReetPetit Mon 08-Apr-13 21:02:32

Sorry to be picky notwithout but op is not an employer but a client....

Op, i think you have the right to give her reasons. I havent seen your previous threads but if you feel it will help her change and help new and existing clients of hers then yes, tell her.

Seb101 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:56:22

I think I'd be inclined to make up an excuse as to why your giving notice. Just to make sure there is no confrontation or bad feeling. Id be worried about being too honest, the childminder taking offence, and then taking it out on my child for the notice period! If I could take child out immediately I'd def be honest and tell her what your concerns are, otherwise I'd make something up. My concern wouldnt be helping the childminder improve or preventing another parent having same experience. I'd simply want to avoid potentially really pissing childminder off and then having her take out her annoyance on my child. So id say that sometimes honestly isn't the best policy. Good luck with whatever you decide x

ChippingInIsEggceptional Mon 08-Apr-13 21:59:33

I agree with Seb.

You have raised the issues in the past and it hasn't done any good, doing it again now wont make any difference - so why make life difficult for yourself and other parents might not think the same things are a problem.

CatsCantFlyFast Mon 08-Apr-13 22:20:42

Sorry Reet, my lack if knowledge mistake grin however I stand by my point that this woman is trying to do a job and should at least be informed of the reasons she is falling down

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 09-Apr-13 00:02:11

Agree with Seb. Tbh there is no point in 'rocking' the boat tho what you have said seems she is dangerous - ie darts in playroom - DIY stuff left about - dc in road yet taking photos hmm

greenfolder Tue 09-Apr-13 06:58:37

I really wouldn't in this situation-give correct notice and move on. You have presumably raised issues as you have gone along so leave her to work it out.

ReetPetit Tue 09-Apr-13 08:15:57

I agree with the others who have said may be best to give feedback after your ds has left. The reason i said let her know, is i havent read your previous threads and dont know if youve raised your issues before. If you have and she hasnt adapted her practice then shes probably not going to.
You can just give the required notice without reason. Shes presumably not stupid, if given notice when child is not moving/going to nursery/mum having baby etc it is pretty obvious parent is not happy with care...

Give feedback if asked to, maybe after contract has finished? How bad is she? If you believe your ds is in danger then you should withdraw and not use the notice period! (you will still have to pay though) unless you can prove she has breached the contract terms which im not sure you can based on what youve said here.

greenfolder Tue 09-Apr-13 08:23:04

I really wouldn't in this situation-give correct notice and move on. You have presumably raised issues as you have gone along so leave her to work it out.

marriedinwhiteagain Tue 09-Apr-13 08:31:39

I would just say that some of the things you have previously raised with her have worried you and therefore you are moving your ds to a childminder you feel is more in sympathy with the levels of caution you would like.

If you really feel the circumstances are dangerous then report her to the LA and Ofsted if you feel under any obligation to safeguard future mindees and if you feel your concerns are wholly valid.

CreatureRetorts Tue 09-Apr-13 08:34:54

No point rocking the boat ffs?

Children are being put in danger and you don't want to rock the boat?

Man alive.

ReetPetit Tue 09-Apr-13 08:49:58

It depends on what different people percieve as danger though,surely?

Op, are you basing these issues on fact? Ie, was your ds definately in the road in the photo? And how do you know about the darts/tool kit? Have you seren them yourself? If so; then yes, that is danger and needs to be addressed. If i truly believed my ds was in danger i would withdrW with immediate effect, tell her why and report her, but are you prepared to do that op??

plb2013 Tue 09-Apr-13 08:58:54

reet yes it is definitely DS, she texted me the photo saying "how cute xxx and ds holding hands on the school run" the CM's husbands tools were all over the playroom when we dropped off one day (I thought - naively- she would be in the middle of picking them up but they were still all there when we picked up. I mentioned this to her and she said that she had been meaning to do it all day but been so busy. They were gone the next day.
Her DS was playing darts when we went to pick DS up so agin, saw with my own eyes, I told her I wasnt happy with this and she said "oh he doesnt usually play with them until after everyone is gone).

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 09-Apr-13 10:36:39

When I say the rocking boat thing I mean remove buy don't say why till afterwards

You have mentioned these things before - she hasn't changed so no point telling her why you are leaving till after

Thing is do you all really think if you hand a nanny or cm their notice that they will 'take' it out on your child sad

If you do then remove asap and just pay the notice period

newbiefrugalgal Tue 09-Apr-13 10:41:46

Don't tell her the truth. You know why you are leaving. Giving holiday inflexibility is more than a good enough reason.
Give your notice and be thankful for your lucky escape!

blueshoes Tue 09-Apr-13 11:13:46

You can mention that in addition to the holiday excuse, it is due to certain safety (or something generic like that) that you have raised in the past.

If I was a responsible cm, I would jump at that and ask for more details. If I was a cm who could not be bothered, I would just let it go at that. If she does not want to know, she is not prepared to change/improve. You have done your bit.

plb2013 Mon 22-Apr-13 15:01:38

Well, I did it. I stuck with DH's idea of not rocking the boat and told her we needed more flexibility with holidays and we just think he is ready for it now.
It has been awkward since (not helped by her DH referring to us on facebook as "some fuckers", quite a long story how this came to my attention, but it did and I am fuming!

plb2013 Mon 22-Apr-13 15:01:48


HSMMaCM Mon 22-Apr-13 15:34:20

Sounds like you're best out of it. Hope you have better luck in future.

Facebook response will not be good for her business.

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