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Nanny vs parent discipline etc - advice

(5 Posts)
Iggly Tue 02-Apr-13 19:26:27

Hi, we've got a lovely nanny but not sure how to tackle this one for fear of upsetting nanny and she leaves.

Anyway, I think the nanny is a bit lax with the kids (although I am quite anxious so I appreciate I might be expecting too much). She lets my youngest (15 months) roam pretty freely when in the park for example; as a result she comes home with bumps and bruises where she's hurt herself. These injuries rarely happen with me but I am more of a hoverer (as they get older, I leave them to it - just more nervous when they're at that wobbly age).
With my oldest (3), she's happy to let him play out of her supervision with children who are a few years older eg they go to the older kids room and play while she checks on them occasionally. I'm a but uncomfortable with that - I would rather keep them in my sight if possible, especially as they're playing on a different floor. Also with my eldest when they walk to the park etc she let's him cycle quite far ahead - we live on a busy road and there are loads of driveways with people reversing out who may not see a small kid. I've mentioned it before to her but he still cycles off (have seen them sometimes when I leave later for work).
Anyway, there are a few niggles - my basic point is how do you resolve niggles with your nanny without upsetting them? I know I'm a bit too over protective at times so I struggle to find the right balance, hence not saying anything to the nanny as i like her to know I trust her. But when I'm genuinely worried - I am at a loss at how to talk about it.
Sorry for the ramble.

calmlychaotic Tue 02-Apr-13 20:07:19

Difficult with regards to 15 month old, my mindees at that age do bump themselves, I would be so upset if a parent thought I wasn't being careful enough, if you tend to hover a different style could be beneficial, its great she is taking them out and about the occasional bruise wouldn't worry me.

With 3 year old playing in older kids room, would depend how much older, what are they playing and how long for, its great for them at that age to play and learn from older kids, as a parent I wouldn't be happy with long periods unsupervised.

Talk to her about the cycling on the road, explain your concerns and that in the park or roads without drives he can cycle ahead but roads with drives he must be next to her, she may not realise but you are quite right you cannot see a child on a bike when reversing out of a drive.

I'm a childminder and I would much rather a parent talked to me about their concerns, I would hate to think they are worrying about something and don't want to mention it, just have a friendly chat with her.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Tue 02-Apr-13 20:14:24

I think it's going to be very difficult. You are who you are and she is who she is. She can't act like you in the way you couldn't act like her. I think either you accept this is the way she is or you find a new nanny sad

You could perhaphs say something (again) about not cycling ahead of her - but why not tell your child the rules and tell him if you see him breaking them then his bike will be confiscated.

I'm sorry you are so anxious, it must make life a bit trying at times.

Reinette Tue 02-Apr-13 21:20:57

It's good for your 15 month old to roam freely, assuming nanny can get to her in time if she decided to take off toward a road or began climbing something dangerous. Bumps and bruises are par for the course and she will benefit from being encouraged in her independence like that. My advice is not to bring this up with your nanny. For the 3YO, it really depends on how much older the kids are and what they are playing, but it is GREAT for your son to be learning to get along with older kids (and so nice of them to play with him!) so as long as nanny is checking in regularly and is within earshot I don't think you should bring that up either. Perhaps an additional monitor in the older child's room would help, so she could listen in on what they're doing and intervene immediately if necessary? The biking is the only thing I think you should discuss with her, as that could be a very serious danger. You could say something like, "As DCs are getting older DH and I have been deciding on some new household rules we want to implement and one of them is that DC1 can only ride two driveways ahead of us as we're walking with him, then he has to loop back to us. There have been a lot of close calls in the neighborhood and we want to be very strict about this, so we'll be working on teaching him this on the weekends but I'd appreciate it if you could enforce this rule too."

Iggly Tue 02-Apr-13 21:23:46

Thank you all. You're right re the 15 month old roaming and 3 year old playing - I think I'm being over the top there. But the cycling thing really does worry me. We spent a long time teaching ds to stay near us but nanny has let that slip so he's back to cycling really far ahead. I will speak to her about that - keep it neutral and not make it about her.
Thank you!

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