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Please tell me I'm worrying for no reason !!

(14 Posts)
mumtosp Mon 25-Mar-13 22:32:54

I am pretty sure I'm being stupid and worrying for no reason... just need someone else to tell me the same ...

When I was pregnant, I always thought a CM will be a better option as compared to nurseries, atleast till my DS is a bit older and can comunicate - my reasons were home environment, lesser number of children and more 1-1 attention...
My DS is now almost 6 mo and right now I am not so sure... that's because a horrible thought has crossed my mind... what if the CM is mean and abusive towards my DS !?!? When I say abusive, I mean verbal abuse more than anything else... I am thinking that in a nursery as there are more carers the chances of my DS being ill-treated are less.... so now I am thinking nurseries are better ??

I want to add that I do not mean any disrespect to any CMs on this forum... I am sure you all are great and love your job and the kids that you care for...and it's just me being worried for no reason...

Well there may be a reson..... As a child, I was kept in a creche and I wasn't treated very well - I was made to do quite a bit of housework and at times even give my carer's husband a leg massage !! sad It took me a very long time to realise that this wasn't right and I finally told my mum, who obviously took me out of the creche the very next day.... Maybe that incident is clouding my view.. I really don't know...
I have to add I was brought up in India where there isn't an Ofsted to check on CMs....

OK... I've rambled on for quite a bit... so I'll stop now...

Thanks in advance for your replies smile

foslady Mon 25-Mar-13 22:43:23

Ask around for recommendations - I have a fab lady who I use, I certainly see why you're a bit nervy, but I'm sure your experience was in the minority, and will all the regulations these days it should be a lot harder to happen.

SimLondon Mon 25-Mar-13 22:47:07

When i was looking to go back to work I looked at both childminders and nurseries, was very happy with my choice of nursery. Look around with wide open eyes and decide what is best for you.

calmlychaotic Tue 26-Mar-13 00:25:10

I can understand your concern but really I don't think you need to worry, try and get a recommendation. Ask at toddler groups or other mums. I am a childminder so guess I'm biased but I think babies especially are better off with a cm, most will let you visit in the day so you can see them in action. I adore my mindees, and love my job. Good luck finding someone.

mumtosp Tue 26-Mar-13 07:06:27

Thanks all !!

calmlychaotic can u recommend a site where I can get a local listing of all CMs ??

mamadoc Tue 26-Mar-13 08:37:55

I'm as parent who has used cm's for my dc when under 3.

I have never understood why people think nursery is safer. Children can have a bad experience in either setting. Just there being others there is not protective eg look at winterbourne view or mid staffs where vulnerable people suffered in an institutional environment with many people there. I personally prefer to trust my dc to one person who I know and trust than to an institution.

That's leaving aside the benefits for attachment and individual care and continuity.

afussyphase Tue 26-Mar-13 11:02:00

Your council will have a family information service. Mine publishes a monthly pdf of all the childminders (or maybe it's only the ones with vacancies). I have found the council's service to be the most comprehensive, and you can sometimes find CM Ofsteds too if they have listed their Ofsted number or if their name is on their Ofsted report. Otherwise, you can call them, set up a visit, and they will show you their Ofsted report if you are interested. We were hesitant at first too -- our first childminder we actually found through netmums (sorry!) and she was AMAZING. She was on the council listing too but for the next council over, which we hadn't thought of (not knowing we were so near the border). Had a satisfactory Ofsted but we could tell from meeting her and from the descriptions (ie what they liked/didn't like) that it was a good bet. Recently we met another CM through a council-run 'speed meeting' thing, and she is also amazing but unfortunately not close enough to be convenient ... ANyway - loads of lovely CMs out there, and it's easy to find and meet some, so do look around with eyes open.

Saltire Tue 26-Mar-13 12:02:08

Ask parents who use either service. Also ask the childminders if you can visit when there are children there, so you see how the children react to her/him.
Same with nurseries.

mamamaisie Tue 26-Mar-13 12:12:46

I am a childminder and I get to see lots of other childminders 'behind the scenes' when there are no parents around to impress. Most of them are absolutely lovely and very caring towards the children they look after. I think if you go and meet a few and go with your instincts you will find somebody that you can trust.

Dozer Tue 26-Mar-13 14:43:30

I felt a lot like you OP, but having experienced five nurseries over a period of five years and (most recently) a good CM, it is much easier to trust our lovely CM. And easy to tell that our DC are happier with her.

At nursery there were a lot more variables and a number of incidents broke our trust e.g (not all at the same nursery! Ranging from Ofsted "satisfactory" to "outstanding") high staff turnover / visible bitching and staff being unhappy, poor management, dangerous mess (a store cupboard where buggies were stored and DC sometimes went, with heavy stuff falling down) lies and denials about how our DC had come by two minor injuries, not being told our DC wasn't settling, DC being violent, uncaring staff ignoring screaming DC, and so on.

We may have been unlucky, but with three of the nurseries just didn't believe the nursery managers were being truthful or sincere.

Obviously with a CM DC are often out and about, on foot and in cars, I do sometimes worry about a bit tbh, it is a little scarier than them being in one place!

DIYapprentice Tue 26-Mar-13 15:46:25

I've found a good way of finding out how good a CM is, is to see what teachers/nursery carers of children they collect from school or nursery think of them.

My DS's nursery worker spotted that my second CM was getting stressed, and not long after she handed notice and stopped childminding.

Just ask CMs what schools and nurseries they collect from and they will happily tell you.

fivesacrowd Tue 26-Mar-13 17:49:35

Totally understand where you're coming from, you are leaving someone you don't know very well in sole charge of your precious child. As a cm, I take that responsibility very seriously and most of my mindees have come to me through personal recommendations. So, ask around and see who other mums would use, go and visit any prospective cm and see how they interact with your dc. Go with your gut instinct. Cm's are constantly watched and judged when they are out and about - the good ones don't mind that as they have nothing to hide. Good luck - hope you find someone lovely

mumtosp Wed 27-Mar-13 22:09:32

Thanks all for the positive replies! I now need to shortlist a few CMs and go visit them...

DIY - that's a great tip smile

MajaBiene Thu 28-Mar-13 17:11:15

I have worked in a nursery where the treatment on the pre-verbal children bordered on abusive with hindsight (I was a lot younger then) - led by the deputy manager basically who set the "culture" of the place. So safety might not come in numbers.

I also come into contact with a lot of CMs professionally now and probably 50% I wouldn't leave a child with.

That said, my DS has been to both a brilliant nursery and a nice CM when under 2, so they are out there!

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