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were we asking too much?

(38 Posts)
MsIngaFewmarbles Thu 07-Mar-13 09:19:29

Our temporary nanny resigned yesterday. She said she was unhappy that she was doing housework whilst DS was at preschool and that the house was always a bit messy.

Although I will admit to not being the most organised family, our home is not dirty or particularly messy. We have 4 DC, 2 dogs and DH and I. The worst that the kitchen gets is a pan or 2 and plates from the last meal made.

We explained that it was a 5 week placement and that as DS was at preschool for 3 hours every afternoon we would like her to do a bit of laundry and either a bit of a tidy or chucking a vacuum around after she had her lunch hour. She seemed happy with this at interview and until she resigned yesterday seemed happy with the job.

She also asked that we pay her early yesterday morning as she had DDs going out (due to be paid on Friday). We feel utterly let down but also wanted to make sure we weren't askig too much so we don't run into this problem again.

juneybean Thu 07-Mar-13 09:21:10

What was she hoping to do whilst being paid when LO was at preschool?

I don't think you were asking too much.

Lostonthemoors Thu 07-Mar-13 09:26:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lostonthemoors Thu 07-Mar-13 09:30:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringmeroses Thu 07-Mar-13 09:34:51

She seems a little immature not to have addressed it with you to try to find a workable solution, instead just deciding to resign. I expect you will find someone more on your wavelength next time. Plus did you only want her for five weeks? She may well have found something longer term that starts before her time with you is up and she will be happier knowing she's got a longer term role at the new place. Pure speculation!

MsIngaFewmarbles Thu 07-Mar-13 09:43:03

Well I'm at uni and after the 5 weeks I have a 6 week break. After that we need someone permanent. We made it clear that if we were all happy that it was hers.

She works as a temporary nanny all the time. I'm just at a loss as to what was so awful that she couldn't stay for even the 2 and a bit weeks left out of 5. We are utterly up the creek sad

mrsshackleton Thu 07-Mar-13 09:43:06

If you were upfront with her then no, you were not asking too much. Agree she has probably got a job she prefers for whatever reason lined up, or she is incredibly lazy and you're better off without her.

mrsshackleton Thu 07-Mar-13 09:44:16

Oh, just seen your second post. What was she expected to do during those 6 weeks? She probably had a secure job lined up to start asap.

MsIngaFewmarbles Thu 07-Mar-13 09:45:03

That's the other thing, we are (I think) really approachable and said at the interview that she should tell us if there were any problems or concerns. We asked at the end of each week if she was happy.

MsIngaFewmarbles Thu 07-Mar-13 09:46:05

Well she works as a temp nanny so possibly another short post, or at least finish her agreed time with us.

Lostonthemoors Thu 07-Mar-13 09:53:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringmeroses Thu 07-Mar-13 09:57:32

It is not you, it is HER. Like I said, immaturity. Maybe she doesn't like dogs? Maybe she has found a placement with one child, near where her friends are? I'd focus on finding someone else, I don't think you were at all unreasonable. Ask the agency (if you used one), perhaps they'd be able to shed some light but TBH I think it's just one of those things.

kicker Thu 07-Mar-13 10:00:00

I thought a nanny was there to look after the children, and tasks directly associated with their care (not the rest of the households).
If you want a cleaner, hire a cleaner.

loubielou31 Thu 07-Mar-13 10:06:26

I think (although have no experience) that au pairs are more likely to do a bit of the general household stuff and some simple child care. A nanny usually only does chores directly related to the children, so their laundry but not general household laundry and tidying the children's room, play room or nursery but not general cleaning.

loubielou31 Thu 07-Mar-13 10:12:46

She probably has another job to go to but for the next nanny/au pair you hire I think it would help if you clearly defined the tasks at the outset.
You are probably going to have to become more organised. In my experience a house with four children and two dogs would generally be messier and dirtier than I'm used to unless the household are very conscientious about cleaning, she may well have felt you were asking too much but didn't know how to say it.

MsIngaFewmarbles Thu 07-Mar-13 10:34:03

But we were clear at the interview that although we appreciate that nannys don't normally do cleaning as there were 3 hours a day with no kids to look after we expected a small amount of housework to be done. Just tidying the kitchen or a quick vacuum, not scrubbing toilets or floors.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 07-Mar-13 11:07:17

sounds to me that she had a better job offer and left - tho if she knew it was 5 weeks and 2/3 left then surely another job would wait for her

thats how i work, and i temp - tho fwiw i wouldnt be happy doing the cleaning etc while your dc was at school (as someone pointed out nannies dont generally clean) - but if you said that at the time of the interview .......

did you get her from an agency, if so complain and get fee back

and as you need someone now, i wouldnt make the cleaning an issue, you need childcare and help now, cleaning may put off some (like me) and tbh sure you and dh can manage between yourselves and ask your older 3 to help

ruby242 Thu 07-Mar-13 11:30:39

Hmm very unprofessional for her to leave with just a few weeks to go! I'm a nanny and am happy to do some light housework if no children are at home-otherwise what is she supposed to do for 3 hours?! Perhaps there was some misunderstanding but I don't think you were asking too much

MsIngaFewmarbles Thu 07-Mar-13 12:00:51

Of course we can manage the cleaning ourselves, we usually do! What should a nanny be doing whilst they are all at school/preschool?

5alive4life Thu 07-Mar-13 12:01:00

was there cleaning for the whole 3 hours whilst dc were at nursery? generally after drop off and pick up is factored in there is about 2.5 hours left for me to play with .After i drop child at nursery i take 1.5 hours to do laundry,clean childrens bedroom,plan children's tea,make lunch for nursery child and general tidy up from breakfast and unload the dishwasher. i do take an hour in the morning for myself,sometimes i watch telly or sometimes i meet a friend for a drink at the cafe. i dont get a lunch break so generally feel im entilted to relax for an hour a day.

MsIngaFewmarbles Thu 07-Mar-13 12:06:47

Preschool is 5 minutes away. There's a 3 hour gap, 1 hour is for lunch break then the rest of the time is for whatever really. Maybe a load of laundry, sort tea for the dc and either give the kitchen a quick tidy, load or unload dishwasher and wipe sides. Older DC do their own rooms and put own laundry away. Once a week we do a cleaning session with the dc so they dust and maybe vacuum and sort bedrooms, we will clean the bathroom and mop the hard floors and sort paperwork etc.

5alive4life Thu 07-Mar-13 12:22:38

I don't see any problem with what you are expecting then! I am sure you will be able to find someone new willing to do that. goodluck

Novstar Thu 07-Mar-13 12:23:11

No I don't think you were asking much, and it is also very strange just to resign like that. Clearly there are things going on with the nanny that you don't and probably won't know about. I wouldn't waste your time thinking about what/how it went wrong, just concentrate on looking forwards!

newbiefrugalgal Thu 07-Mar-13 12:42:52

You were up front about the cleaning - get over it people. SOME nannies do clean and are happy with that. What other job do you expect to get paid to sit on your butt and do nothing for hours on end.
DRIVES ME INSANE as you can tell!

Karoleann Thu 07-Mar-13 16:04:35

I'm not sure I'd ask a nanny to do none child related stuff, unless it was emptying the dishwasher - BUT you did make it clear that that was part of the role before employing her and you were paying her for a lunch break - most employees don't usually have that.

I also suspect she's got another job. Have a look on tonight and phone round, I'm sure you can get someone for next week, its probably a little easier getting someone for two weeks rather than 5.

Better luck next time x

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