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My child has told me he has been hit by the childminder what do I do?

(43 Posts)
Maggiejean Sun 17-Feb-13 20:18:51

I have a two and a half year old boy, who has been with the same childminder for nearly a year. He is there for one morning a week and has loved it and used to ask to go everyday but the last month he has been extremely upset about going and extremely upset when I have come to collect him. In the last week he stopped playing, has become quite withdrawn and all he wants to do is cuddle Mum, he doesn't want to leave the house. Usual things like going to the park he doesn't want to do.

In the car on Friday he told me that "name of childminder makes me sad" I asked why does X make you sad? He then hit himself across the head and said she says "shut up, shut up" The next day I did a role play with him where he Bob (not real name) Giraffe go to X the childminder played by a toy monkey. Here he showed himself as the Giraffe crying and the childminder toy saying "shut up, shut up, Mummy isn't here" then acted out the hitting and asked if he could go home. He has also used phrases such as "no one will believe you" in connection with her.

I am very shaken by all of this. We have taken him out of the childminders care with immediate effect, My husband contacted her to say our child had being telling us things connected with his stay with her that had concerned us greatly and was she aware of anything that had happened to him whilst in her care. She replied No and that she was hurt and upset by that. She later texted at 1am saying he had got cold whilst out walking which seemed bizarre.

Over the last month when I have gone to pick him up and he has been upset she has given me a different reason for it..first week it was because he feel asleep and woke up and thought I was going to leave him there, the 2nd week it was he is going through a developmental stage, the following week it was he has only child syndrome, the next he has no attention span, and finally bring him tomorrow when I have no other children as he is jealous of the other children. Which I believe is when he got hit. Though I feel it was not a one off.

She has an immaculate ofstead report, other Mums I know whose children go there have not expressed any concerns and like I say till this last month I have had no reason for concern. When I picked up my child this week the childminder seemed tired and impatient, he was hungry and had been out walking and was cold and upset. She told him he was making a horrible noise in front of me and to stop. And when I said I think he is cold she snapped at me and told me "he was alright." I felt uncomfortable with the way she spoke to him infront of me and her negativity. In the past she has always been so positive about him. For his age he is well behaved child, he is also very articulate and social for his age. My gut says something is wrong. She came to our house when I didn't bring him this week to check on him and he hid and looked frightened. When her name is mentioned he becomes distressed.

Do I report her? I am perfectly aware that this is her living and the possible implications of this, but my instinct and my child tell me something has gone wrong.

morescribbles Sat 23-Feb-13 18:25:53

I agree that you did the right thing. When we train as childminders we are taught safeguarding. There is a huge emphasis on documenting and reporting concerns of abuse, we are given many situations to look at where abuse isn't obvious but signs are there. The training teaches us the potential damage to the child if we don't act on our concerns. With the evidence you have gathered I would feel equally concerned and would have reported the childminder too. Safeguarding works both ways! Hopefully she didn't hit but if she did she needs to be prevented from doing it again.

KateShmate Sat 23-Feb-13 16:42:51

Well done for reporting OP, you are right to think that this could prevent so many other children, now and in the future, being hit by her.

I think the main thing is that your DS is so disturbed by it all - if he was acting as per normal and then randomly said that the CM had hit him, but didn't seem bothered about it, then you are likely to be worried but still think that he could have made it up, or maybe she tripped over him or something. But the fact that he seems to traumatised and scared of her is a serious warning - whether she hit him or not, something is going on.

Genuinely cannot believe all these stories of children being smacked/hit whilst being looked after. Is just horrible sad

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord Sat 23-Feb-13 16:07:03

Report it. Without fail.

I had been using a childminder for about two months. For the second month DS would start screaming when I left him with her. She told me he was going through a clingy stage.

One day when I collected him I was about an hour early and DS wad really crying like he'd hurt himself (he was just over 12 months old btw). The childminder was dealing with another child so I picked DS up and cuddled him asking him what the matter was but looking at the childminder for an answer. The next thing a 3 yo pipes up " oh he's just had a smack that's all".
I wad horrified but at first thought it was the 3 year old that had done it. The childminder just simply said oh he smacked the 10 year old so I smacked him. shock angry sad

I just picked DS up and took him home. I never spoke to her again. I rang ofsted reported her and got my ex to ring her to tell her we wouldn't be bringing him again. It transpired that she was seen smacking the 3 year old while at the park.

How she can smack a 12 month old I'll never know. I don't know for sure how many times she'd done it but to think that she had said he was clingy when really he was being smacked.

Of course she wasn't allowed to childmind again but I really wish she'd been prosecuted.

RosieGirl Sat 23-Feb-13 15:48:22

ironhorse that is horrible, what a vile thing to say - childminders work from their homes, and deserve to be proved guilty first. Reporting her is fair enough, but she does have a right to an investigation, wrong allegations have been made before. Of course it would be wonderful to "knock seven bells of shit" out of a women in front of her own family and in her own home.

Ducklings45 Sat 23-Feb-13 13:37:06

You did the right thing smile

Jelly15 Thu 21-Feb-13 12:10:13

So glad you have reported her. I am a childminder too. Some children can have great imaginations but your DS's account was very detailed for him to be making it up.

Titchyboomboom Tue 19-Feb-13 07:30:11

Report her. If you are right and she does it to another child you will feel awful. If there is nothing to hide, she will be fine.

ironhorse Tue 19-Feb-13 00:51:18

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

calmlychaotic Tue 19-Feb-13 00:48:40

I think you did the right thing reporting it and I'm a childminder. for any parents reading this can I just say the vast majority childminders form great bonds with the children they mind, adore them and wouldn't dream of causing them any harm its awful to hear about this kind of thing.

NobbyClark Mon 18-Feb-13 22:01:45

Well done.

mumzy Mon 18-Feb-13 19:11:36

I agree with the others OP that you've done the right thing. Your son's account of what happened was chilling and You were right to trust your gut instinct.

YNK Mon 18-Feb-13 19:02:40

Well done op! I hope you update us re the outcome.

WeAreEternal Mon 18-Feb-13 18:56:26

You have some the right thing reporting it OP.

when DS was two he attended a nursery two afternoons a week.
One day I had a call from the childminder after she had collected him from his nursery session saying that I needed to come home urgently.
The CM had discovered a masive hand shaped bruise around DS's forearm, as if someone had grabbed his arm and held on tightly.
The CM was very concerned but also worried that I might think it had happened in her care.
DS said one of the woman at the nursery and shouted and pulled on his arm because he didn't want to go inside and was being naughty and not walking so she dragged him by his arm (they had been playing in the garden)
When I asked the nursery about it they said he was throwing a massive tandtum and kicking and screaming and had to be restrained for the safety of him and the other children.
I never got the the bottom of it but I do not believe their version of events, the bruise was so bad you could make out the finger impressions, that kind of thing does not happen when restraining a 2yr old, especially since he didn't have another scratch on him.
I wish I had reported them, but didn't think the word of a 2 yr old was enough evidence.

PureQuintessence Mon 18-Feb-13 18:35:59

You did the right thing.

I reported my sons nursery when one of the staff hit my 3 year old son on the head "to teach him that hitting was not right."

Other staff had also "taught" him that throwing toys were not right by throwing toy cars out of the nursery garden and down to the train tracks.... hmm
They had also pretended to throw one of his toys that he brought in for show and tell.

Sometimes even professionals get it wrong.

FelicityWasCold Mon 18-Feb-13 18:32:22

Well done, can't have been easy.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 18-Feb-13 18:31:32

Well done. That must have been really tough, but at least if it's investigated she can either be dealt with or supported if out is a case of her being under particular pressure of some kind atm.

Maggiejean Mon 18-Feb-13 18:25:58

Thank you everyone for your advice it has been very helpful. We reported her today and feels like a relief.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 18-Feb-13 08:33:30

Please report this.

My mum was emotionally abused by a childminder and the effect has been life-long (claustrophobia, separation anxiety). I'd hate to think of any child going through that if it could be prevented.

Hope your DS is soon back to his usual self.

HecateWhoopass Mon 18-Feb-13 08:31:08

You need to report what you have been told and the behaviour you have observed. They will take it from there.

LesbianMummy1 Mon 18-Feb-13 08:23:23

I would say something sounds wrong. Your child told you she hurt him which is worrying but to then show it in role play as well would concern me.

I do not feel you can ignore this. I am a childminder and know that allegations can harm a childminders reputation but there is no excuse for hurting a child.

Can I just say though there is no guarantee even in a nursery that situations don't occur as a parent you need to trust your gut instinct and act if things feel wrong.

Littleturkish Sun 17-Feb-13 23:39:26

That is chilling.

I would report it and file a police report and go to the GP. Your child may need therapy to process this incident.

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 17-Feb-13 23:34:15

Report it asap.

doughnut44 Sun 17-Feb-13 23:21:21

It definitely needs to be reported. Ofsted will take the matter seriously and I am sure they will do an investigation.

DoctorAnge Sun 17-Feb-13 22:18:47


ReetPetit Sun 17-Feb-13 21:50:41

oh god op - report it, you have to, that's awful. i'm a cm.

can't imagine a 2.5 yr old coming out with things like that if they weren't real -too detailed imo...

she sounds odd imho, how horrible for your ds sad

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