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How to advise of terminating CM contract/Lots of issues, advice please.

(13 Posts)
CMHelp Wed 23-Jan-13 17:05:08

Have name changed for this as I have no idea if my CM uses this site, also changed a few small details, just in case, but have kept to the facts re: the issues I am having. It's long so I apologise.

I am currently looking into changing my child care provider, to another local childminder, there is quite a lot of reasons and I want a bit of assurance that I am doing the right thing I suppose?

1. One night per week, CM and her family have a takeaway, on that night, DD gets no dinner. This was never discussed with me, it just happens, so DD gets home at 6.30pm, starving hungry and whingey on this day every week. It's been discussed and I requested she at least be given a snack to keep her going, but 9 times out of 10 it doesn't.

2.CM youngest child, is almost 5 years older than DD, DD isnt at school yet, but DD has been told by this child, over the last few months, that girlfriends and boyfriends like to see each other naked, been taught three swear words and also a swear 'sign' (flicking the bird), has also been exposed to films with a 12 rating, which was not discussed with me before hand. When any of this is brought up, it is brushed off and I don't feel been dealt with properly.

3. From general conversation with DD, I have also gleaned that CM sits around watching TV A LOT, which includes shows such as TOWIE and the celebrity jungle show. We do not watch these so I have no doubt this DD has seen this at CM house. DD has mentioned in an off hand way, that when CM is watching 'her shows' CM will not even get her a drink, but that CM's eldest child has to do it.

4. One of CM children regularly puts DD 'in the naughty corner' and DD has come hoem upset about this a few times, I ahve told her that this child is not allowed to discpline her at all, and she is to tell CM if this happens, DD stated that CM won't listen, so I approached CM who assured me this does not happen, but I believe DD.

There are other issues, a bit more niggly but added together I have lost confidence in my CM, and do not feel her care is up to scratch at all. I also feel incredibly guilty as DD has been going there for 2 years, and started before she could speak and I feel awful thinking my child has not had the great care I was told about in the beginning, and I am only learning these things now she can talk.

So, I am changing to someone else as soon as I can find someone I feel I can trust (and now I feel like I ahve to grill potential CM to within an inch of their lives to reassure myself). The question is, when asked why, what do I say?

As you may have guessed, I am not great at confrontation, but I can't let this continue.

Thank you for your advice.

fairylightsinthesnow Wed 23-Jan-13 17:10:28

Christ, I could have written your post! Am in the same boat almost exactly, though the reasons are different. I am thinking a formal e mail to give notice but maybe not being too blunt about the reasons until the notice period is up, but then afterwards maybe following up with a constructive feedback e mail maybe. I can only imagine the notice period being v awkward however you do it. Would love to hear from those who have done it.

CMHelp Wed 23-Jan-13 17:15:02

I am not sure email would work as we do not usually use email communication at all, I suppose it will ahve to be by letter handed to her at drop off one morning/evenig pick up? I just know she is going to ask why. Her fee's are quite high for the area, so I may have to use that as a reason?

drinkyourmilk Wed 23-Jan-13 17:22:11

How about a change in circumstances. If she pushes just tell her you really can't say

nokidshere Wed 23-Jan-13 19:32:45

She sounds horrendous.

A short email saying that your child will be leaving at the end of the month due to a change in your circumstances is all that you need. You do not need to go into details if it makes you uncomfortable.

Wickedgirl Wed 23-Jan-13 19:42:07

Just tell her it's for personal reasons that you'd rather not discuss

minderjinx Wed 23-Jan-13 19:53:35

She sounds incredibly lazy and to have a bad attitude towards both the children in her care and their parents! I would certainly give notice. I would just be cautious about saying anything which would lead her to be even more "off" with your child during the notice period or which might make her moan about you to other childminders - for example if you gave an excuse for leaving which was patently untrue she might talk about this and make others wary of taking your child on. (I am well aware she should not do either, but she does not sound a shining example of professionalism).

NatashaBee Wed 23-Jan-13 19:57:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisa1968 Wed 23-Jan-13 20:22:25

Childminders like this give other great childminders ( i.e Me!) a bad name!! It makes me so cross!! others have said,just tell her that you have a change in circumstances/you've won the lottery/you're flying to the moon..then put in writing exactly why you no longer wanted to use her services-it may give her something to think about!

vacuuming Wed 23-Jan-13 20:35:21

Organise alternative childcare. Serve notice, with payment in lieu and pull your child straight away.

ReetPetit Wed 23-Jan-13 21:08:46

agree with vacuuming. she sounds like a nasty piece of work, the less you tell her the better. is she likely to know other local childminders? she may find out you have seen other childminders if you live in an area with few cms but there's not much you can do about that - I think you just have to be prepared to pay her the notice period and remove your dd straight away. I know it seems very unfair. She sounds horrible. Your poor dd sad

calmlychaotic Wed 23-Jan-13 21:39:05

don't beat yourself up too much about her care in the past, she could well have been great and has just let standards slip. I agree just give notice, you don't even need a reason. as for getting a new childminder someone recently visited me initially and then emailed me a long comprehensive list of what she wanted and needed and her worries etc. we sorted it out over email she said she preferred it rather than face to face and I thought it was a great idea. I would like to know as much as possible about what the parents want before taking on a mindee. hope you find someone soon.

CMHelp Wed 23-Jan-13 21:40:08

Thank you all for your responses, I am meeting with a potential
Replacement on friday who has sworn to be discrete about me
Looking elsewhere and am working from home tomorrow so will keep DD with me, fingers crossed this lady turns out as good as she looks on paper.
Ive prepared a list of questions and am being quite specific compared to first time round as this whole experience has opened my eyes

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