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issues with my childminder

(177 Posts)
AmandaWrassleworth Tue 22-Jan-13 19:44:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katiep370123 Mon 28-Jan-13 15:24:21

For some reason I couldn't see the posts about this being a reversed situation before I posted my bit!
I'm amazed this is your sister. What a shame. She obviously expects more from you, her sister. You must talk or your relationship will get worse x

Ionasky Mon 28-Jan-13 13:17:40

It's really sad that your sister doesn't know how lucky she is to have someone she can really trust looking after her kids, and family too, how-many people are that lucky? The hair bobbles and dummies thing is ridiculous (as is all the other stuff). Before I had my DD, I might have come across just like this but she should have adjusted her expectations to what's actually important by now. I suspect jealousy on her part or trying to maintain a feeling of being in control - some of this stuff also sounds like someone who just doesn't know what's important either. I can't help but agree - almost any other parent would be easier - she sounds like she's also abusing you because your family, exactly the opposite of how it should be, that's a tough situation for you as you're attached to the DN - hope it gets better.

Reaa Mon 28-Jan-13 12:59:23

Can your sister really not manage 2 mins to put DC coat on while saying Hi to you and asking how DC day has been.

Havent read all replies but think sometimes you just have to go with the flo with these things

food issue- we used to provide for cm for our little one for cm when with old cm as she gave tinned soup or sandwiches at lunchtime so I gavea cooked tea he went from 9mths til 18mths. New childminder all meals she does and he has a cooked lunch she batch cooks so even if they have been out to toddler group all 3 pre-schoolers get a cooked lunch and tea is a sandwich or crumpets whatever really at 3.30/4pm and then he may have something with us at 6pm.

Group you pay for - surprised childminder even agreed to commit to this as if she takes on another child same age she would have to either pay for them or ask their parents to pay for them ---- reasons she didnt go those 2 weeks are perfectly reasonable one poorly child and second one due to snow.

getting on coat and shoes---- I always take my chid into minder and take his shoes and coat off and put them and his bag where they go whilst chatting about how he has been takes 2-5mins each morning I dont dump my child and run but equally leave quickly. when I collect again I get him ready whilst chatting about his day and general chit chat as have more time when I collect (4.30pm). I would never expect her to get him ready.

Above also applies to nursery he goes 2 days to nursery and 2 days to childminder.

ZuleikaD Mon 28-Jan-13 12:35:09

Please folks - read the thread. This is a reverse post.

Amanda, your sister is taking the piss and treating you like dirt. I know you adore your nieces but find some parents who will appreciate your worth!

Katiep370123 Mon 28-Jan-13 11:56:03

Hi Amanda.
Communication. Your CM should communicate to you about the daily routines and meal times etc, she clearly hasn't communucated well or you would feel confident with her. Likewise, if you're concerned about what food you're child is being given, ask for a food log/diary, (I thought CMs were supposed to provide this anyway?). Don't turn down the free food, (if its nutritional). Car seat- unless she has an unsafe/ill fitted car seat, try not to worry.
Personally I had a very awkward CM experience with my 7 month old. My hired CM was a qualified CM and a friend of mine. I discovered that she thought CM was all about dragging the baby/toddlers around the shops while she ran her personal errands or met her friends for lunch etc, I never knew where my baby was on a daily basis because she never had a routine, he was never taken to baby group and only taken to a park a few times. He was given chips which is something I never gave him, and toddler biscuits with a honey content in them (under 1's are not supposed to have honey). Then her husband told me he'd had my son for the day as she had to do something. (She didn't want me to know). It was an awful time and the friendship was totally taken advantage of, fortunately I only needed her for 3 months but it sadly put me off CMs. I can now look after my babies myself so I'm pleased with that.
No one will do it the way you do it Amanda and I can empathise with you there, but try to have some faith, not all CMs are like the one I had lol, yours sounds quite good x

Titchyboomboom Thu 24-Jan-13 14:32:21

I think you need a nanny! Many factors will be taken into consideration by a childminder trying to provide a fair and inclusive environment, and this will not always mean your child will be the priority, which isn't a bad thing! By the sound of things he wants to eat with the others and maybe it would be good if you were more involved in the environment he is in.

I hate it when parents won't come in. We have a massive emphasis in the legal framework we work by to work in partnership with parents, and it doesn't sound like that is working too well with you both.

My Ofsted inspector even said to me once that they hate lunch boxes as it causes massive issues for a childminder trying to be inclusive and children just want to eat the same thing together a lot of the time.

HecateWhoopass Thu 24-Jan-13 07:07:36


STOP nodding and smiling.

You don't want to fall out with her, so she gets to be unreasonable and you take it?

Cementing in her mind that she is right and reasonable and you are wrong.

Stop being so meek with her!

<another slap>


Be assertive. She needs you more than you need her. all you're doing when you nod and smile is making her think that you think she's right.

helpyourself Wed 23-Jan-13 18:56:21

Gotta love a reverse AIBU.
Good luck OP, you sound lovely and your sister needs to unclench a mile.

NellyBluth Wed 23-Jan-13 16:40:56

Good lord! I've been through three packets of hair bobbles in about the past two months.

How are you sleeping, with the worry about the missing dummy?

Mooycow Wed 23-Jan-13 16:12:10

I had a lovely child minder for both dd and ds , ds was there from 12 weeks until senoir school.
Some things she did was not in my "rule book" but they loved her she adored them so it was easier to look away and not say anything, even my mother used to ignore any specific request if she had them
i think you need to step back look at how happy your ds is and chillax

AmandaWrassleworth Wed 23-Jan-13 14:40:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NellyBluth Wed 23-Jan-13 14:35:50

What about the hair bobbles, though? I'm desperate to know what she wants done with the hair bobbles...

BranchingOut Wed 23-Jan-13 14:16:28

'X, you are my sister and I love you, but if you speak to me in that tone of voice over something that could be resolved reasonably and in a respectful way, then I am not sure if I want to continue our childminding arrangement.'

AmandaWrassleworth Wed 23-Jan-13 14:13:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmandaWrassleworth Wed 23-Jan-13 14:12:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmandaWrassleworth Wed 23-Jan-13 14:11:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BranchingOut Wed 23-Jan-13 14:09:01

Ah, so the 'reality' is a bit different!

You have posted about her before and my advice at the time was to set firmer boundaries and preferably give up childminding for your sister.

A year or more on and the situation seems to have got worse, if anything. Do you honestly want to carry on like this?

SocietyClowns Wed 23-Jan-13 13:51:38

OP, this is the kind of thing my sister would be capable of. I really think you are a mug to put up with this kind of behaviour. And please don't tell me you are giving her a discount....

SocietyClowns Wed 23-Jan-13 13:49:48


1996timeforchange Wed 23-Jan-13 13:42:29

It's not that hard for her to put his coat andshoes on and make sure he's ready to go, surely? I've been at work all day and I want to get him and get home, I have to do dinner and bedtime and by that end of the day I'm exhausted and don't want to hang around.

The food thing, if she feeds him I have no idea what he's eaten, I only have her word for it.

Seriously, i think you need to look at your priorities here.. Iif you really feel that you can only take her work for it, do you trust her is what springs to mind.. Your lucky to have someone who care so much for your child, and believe you me if you carry on like this you'll be looking for childcare elsewhere, because she'll tell you to take a run, And who would blame her ..


Gigondas Wed 23-Jan-13 07:47:06

Wednesdaygirl-it is a reverse aibu.

Good advice from Hecate there.

grinshockAt lost hair bobble op!!

wednesdaygirl Wed 23-Jan-13 07:42:14

Your post shouts me me me

Pj's for sleep time
Calling her at night


You selfish horrible women

Put your own childs coat on while asking cm about YOUR childs day

HecateWhoopass Wed 23-Jan-13 06:17:23

ahh, the good old reverse AIBU grin

You know, if you're not willing to tell her you can't childmind for her any more, then you're going to have to find a way to not let how she is bother you. In one ear and out the other.

Or say to her that she's perfectly free to find another cm if she's not happy with you.

Every time she starts with one of these silly, petty little things - "if you're unhappy with the care I provide, I can give you a list of childminders in the area"

Your choices are bin her, start telling her that this is how you do things and if she doesn't like it, she has the choice to find someone else, or just take it.

nannynick Wed 23-Jan-13 05:19:45

Mixing family and business is hard.
Time to reassess things... if this keeps going as it is you may fall out with your sister and other family members.

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