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issues with my childminder

(177 Posts)
AmandaWrassleworth Tue 22-Jan-13 19:44:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperDuperJezebel Tue 22-Jan-13 20:34:11

Are you actually serious? Muddy trousers? pyjamas for naps?!

Gigondas Tue 22-Jan-13 20:34:52

Dummy yes - pyjamas not so much. I would take time when you are getting ready to talk to her- you won't get same level of feeling (or see how ds is with her) on phone.

As for dirty clothes- kids get dirty. Wait til he starts preschool- buy him some rough and tumble stuff to wear there.

Jollyb Tue 22-Jan-13 20:34:56

Wouldn't it be easier to talk to her when you collect him? Your childminder probably wants to relax in the evening too and not spend time on the phone to parents.

TheDarkSideOfTheSpoon Tue 22-Jan-13 20:35:00

You don't employ a cm, they are self employed and therefore their routine, services and terms are up to them. You met her and presumably discussed all that before signing the contract did you not?

I am not a cm, but my eldest DC does go to a wonderful cm 2 days a week, I wouldn't dream or dictating to her in the way you seem to be doing to yours. You chose a cm because of the home from home setting, you pay them to look after your child and you trust them to make the right decisions on your behalf whilst you are not there. If you can't trust her then you shouldn't be using her.

Surely on pick up you want to spend a minute or two chatting about your DCs day with cm? I know I'm lucky with mine as I'm usually asked in for a brew and a chat but even if I wasn't I'd want to use the coat/shoes/bag time to find out how things have gone during the day.

I've got to day that all of your other points seem unreasonable to the point of ridiculousness, for all the reasons already given by all the previous posters.

You need a nanny, although even then you may have issues until you can learn to relax a little and trust that you have chosen the best childcare provider for you and DC and therefore trust their judgement in looking after him.

SuperDuperJezebel Tue 22-Jan-13 20:35:08

Likewise, Rubyroo!

bigkidsdidit Tue 22-Jan-13 20:35:09

You phone her in the evening grin
This is a wind up isn't it

lechatnoir Tue 22-Jan-13 20:35:15

ooooh cross post.

Not go out in dirty clothes grin - if every parent said this it would require about 30 changes of clothes on a normal day which is nuts & again totally unrealistic for a cm to take on.

You're usually early & call ahead - honestly, I bet this really really get her back up. 5/6pm is most cm's manic period getting kids fed, ready for home etc and having to take a non urgent phone call like this everyday would piss me off (even more that she probably is already) !!!

RubyrooUK Tue 22-Jan-13 20:35:15

I'm still responding here OP as I'm interested but is this another silly thread like Greensleeves and the burnt cakes yesterday?

fozzy26 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:35:34

I think you are a bit crazy op and out of touch with reality. Your poor child. I am a teacher and you are the type of parent who is laughed and joked about in the staff room!

NickNacks Tue 22-Jan-13 20:36:19

And don't bloody phone her every evening- now you're cutting into her time !

CPtart Tue 22-Jan-13 20:36:25

It's going to be a long hard road of parenthood ahead for you OP if you're going to get so het up over such minor issues. Pyjamas for naps ffs??? And as the mother of 2DS myself, muddy school trousers is completely the norm here!

Honestly you will look back at these niggles in a few years and laugh.

ReetPetit Tue 22-Jan-13 20:38:15

lol op, i am sorry but i think you have some issues. your poor, poor cm!! does she actually do anything of this ridiculous stuff? change into pyjamas for naps?? telling her not to take him out with muddy clothes??

she must be really hard up - personally i'd rather be skint that look aftet your pfb!!

glenthebattleostrich Tue 22-Jan-13 20:38:35

Quite frankly I would have given you notice by now. You sound like very hard work. Sunscreen / hat I'd be insulted to be told I need to do this. PJ's for nap, no way will I wrestle with a toddler twice a day to change their clothes. Dirty clothes going out - we regularly go jumping in muddy puddles and explore woods so they would get filthy anyway. That's without the gardening and messy play we do.

I also don't allow packed lunches as this can cause friction between the children at mealtimes. We have missed classes because of weather / illness before. Parents are aware this may happen. Making sure he is ready when you collect, sorry but if another child needs to go to the loo or needs something else then you having to put your child's shoes on is tough.

A childminder is a childcare professional, I am happy to discuss your rules and wants but if they don't fit with my setting / the other children then they can't happen. ALL the CHILDREN are my priority, not petty quibbles.

fraktion Tue 22-Jan-13 20:39:01

No, it's not the point of a CM, it's the point of a nanny really.

Some things you've being very unreasonable (car seat may not fit her car safely, you want your DS to eat siffeeeent food) and some you're being a bit PFB (no dirty clothes, pjs for naps).

The thing is that you are one of her clients. She does not work exclusively for you and I don't think you've quite grasped this so you've set yourself up for disappointment because you're expecting kings which aren't part of the deal. It would be different if you'd said at the start you wanted all these things and she agreed but I suspect you've sprung mod of then on her and she hasn't known how to deal with them or let you down gently. A full and frank chat is needed but as far as I can see you need to readjust your expectations or your childcare arrangements.

navada Tue 22-Jan-13 20:39:30

Crikey - I feel sorry for the childminder.

fraktion Tue 22-Jan-13 20:40:36

X/post - you phone in the evening?!

I have done sympathy for the pj issue if that's part if your routine but you PHONE every evening?!

ReetPetit Tue 22-Jan-13 20:40:36

omg - just seen you phone her in the evening!! shock

this poor woman deserves a medal - she must have the patience of a saint - or perhaps she's running her own Samiratans line - lol lol lol grin

glenthebattleostrich Tue 22-Jan-13 20:41:53

And as for phoning in the evening (how did i miss that!) that is totally unreasonable. The evenings are my time to spend repairing the damage the little monsters have wreaked and drinking wine with my family. If you rang up wanting to chat about your child's day when you can't spend 5 minutes putting on a coat and shoes i'd hang up on you.

YourHandInMyHand Tue 22-Jan-13 20:42:35

Wow this has reminded me why I stopped child minding! Lovely kids, but some parents..... hmm

Your DS being changed into PJs for naps, calling her in the evening, not trusting her regarding food, judging her school aged child for having muddy trousers (ha ha ha), being put out about her picking up a mindee from nursery due to last minute closure instead of taking your ds to a class, etc etc. Can you not see how unreasonable all this is?

You need a nanny, a saintly one!

Booyhoo Tue 22-Jan-13 20:42:59

no it's not common sense. it's just extra work for the childminder who has other children to care for (how many times has she to change him in a day?!) and and extra sleep crutch that you'll have to wean him off!

wrinklyraisin Tue 22-Jan-13 20:43:21


And get a nanny.

Good luck with both.

lechatnoir Tue 22-Jan-13 20:43:42

I don't care if this is a troll/reverse Q /whatever - it's brightened up this topic & my evening no end wine

nbee84 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:44:29

I'm just shock at you phoning her in the evenings to see how your child's day went. Would you like your boss to phone you as you sit down to dinner/put your child to bed/relax with a glass of wine, to ask how a meeting went or if you typed out the invoices or had set up that conference call for the next day???

Booyhoo Tue 22-Jan-13 20:45:08

and why is it ok for her to give up her personal time in the evening to answer your questions about her son when you aren't prepared to take the 1 minute at pick-up while he's getting his coat on to ask these things?

Wereonourway Tue 22-Jan-13 20:45:29

Bloody hell. Dirty clothes!? Pyjamas for naps??
You might find that that's the only way he will settle for you op, he might just be absolutely fine with what cm does.
I really really think you need to chill out, I imagine you are worrying all day long about what he's eating/ if he's clean/ has he slept etc, am I right??
If so you must be so drained. Let your dc be a child!
If dc is safe and happy you must accept the childminders way of doing things.
It took me a few months to work this out when ds started nursery(different circumstances and I worked there making things extra difficult) but it only made me stressed.
Ds started a new nursery at 12 months and he absolutely loves it. I would absolutely trust them to decide what's best for him, in fact I couldn't speak more highly of them BUT I'm more reasonable than I was, I'm more flexible and accept that actually I might not always know what's best!
For example ds eats plums at nursery, I've seen photographic evidence of him devouring one. He practically throws plums at ne of I offer them at home.
What I'm trying to say is that just cos childminder isn't you doesn't mean she is wrong.
Please think about your approach

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