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issues with my childminder

(177 Posts)
AmandaWrassleworth Tue 22-Jan-13 19:44:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strictly1 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:18:59

I'm afraid that you come across as impatient, rude and intolerant. Yes, you pay her, but she has others, and in all honesty, does not seem to be doing anything to be spiteful or difficult. Moaning that he's not ready when you go to collect him seems a bit much. Surely you can spend a few moments getting him ready and asking about his day? Sadly I don't think anyone would live up to your unrealistic standards.

diddlediddledumpling Tue 22-Jan-13 20:20:13

"She doesn't seem to be prioritising my wishes at all"
Why should she? She has other children to look after and other parents' wishes. Childminders have to balance everyone's needs.

MirandaWest Tue 22-Jan-13 20:20:23

I am also wondering if this is a reverse OP...

ReetPetit Tue 22-Jan-13 20:20:41

lol at coconutty grin i'm sorry op but this thread has given me such a laugh although i'm sure its no laughing matter for your poor childminder having to deal with you day in day out...

anewyear Tue 22-Jan-13 20:20:45

Had you thought about having a nanny rather than a childminder?
Sorry but a LIST that was non negotiable? Can you give us an example

The thing is, Childminders, unless your lucky, tend to have more than one baby or toddler, they therefore have to think of the needs of prehaps one or more children?

The food 'issue', have you spoken to your CM about it since?
Unfortunatly children often 'like' what other children maybe eating and so may not want to eat what is lovingly made for them?
CM may rather, he eat something rather than nothing, unless there are food alergies involved?

The 'Nap' issue, That may not be possible if theyre out and about at toddler groups etc It is quite possible he has a nap, but not at his usual time as he would at home? If so is the issue he does not sleep till llate at night?

Would you rather he stays indoors all day, rather than getting fresh air/exploring the world out side said door?

I would assume from your post that you re always on time, dropping off and picking up?
alot of parents are not and it is not always possible, especially if you have more than one child being picked up[ at the same time, to have them ready and waiting.
also the risk of said child overheating possibly.

Just a few thoughts

lechatnoir Tue 22-Jan-13 20:21:10

You need a nanny.You pay a childminder to care for your child(ren) alongside others usually including their own & unless you are paying yours a premium, you need to accept that she needs to consider the needs of all the children not just yours. You do not employ a CM, they are self-employed so by definition will set their own routine, activities, mealtime arrangements etc to best suit them & children.
WRT your 3 issues as a CM my response is:
1. I don't allow any parent to send in snacks or meals because it's a total PITA when I'm serving up a nice healthy soup & they all prefer the look of another child's packed lunch or vica versa it's never fun being the odd one out as a child sad. The fact he's eaten some of it suggests to me he's given his packed lunch but sometime prefers the look of something else on the table and frankly, as long as this isn't an allergy issue & her meals are healthy I'd be grateful she's happy to include him like this without charging you extra!

2. See above about needing a nanny. A CM is responsible for the welfare and wellbeing of other children including her own (which presumably you knew about when you started) and health + safe collection of others trumps weekly class of your child by a long long way. YABVVU on this point.

3. Are you always there on the dot at the same time every night? Do you not want a quick catch up about your DC's day? If it bothers you that much tactfully it again but remember she might also have 2/3/4 other children to get ready for home at the same time so cut her some slack or get a nanny!!

The other niggles:
Car seat - faffing about changing car seats would drive me insane and what is she suppose to do with your child & any others in her care whilst changing car seats (imagine if all parents did this!) as you cannot leave them indoors on their own.

Nap times - see above about needing a nanny. She will have other routines to manage, school runs to do, meals to make/serve, nappies to change, activities to manage etc etc and your DC's nap time might not be a your preferred time but if he's with her 5 days & you 2, why not work with her and ask when is a good time for her.

Actually, not sure why I wrote all that as really all I want to say is.....CHRIST you sound like a nightmare parent. And get a nanny grin

RubyrooUK Tue 22-Jan-13 20:21:26

As someone who also uses childcare, I think you're being a bit inflexible, Amanda.

Surely one reason to choose a CM is the home environment? This normally means eating what is prepared by the adult there and your DC joining in with the home activities (which may mean sometimes not being ready to go at a precise time).

I think if you want a service that puts all your wants/needs above the general rhythm of the CM environment, then I'd recommend a nanny so you can have things how you want them.

On the point of the course, yes, that's annoying and I'd be irritated too. But I'd probably decide this was one of the issues with a shared childcare environment and give up on the course (depending on how important to you and your DC it is).

RuchedCurtain Tue 22-Jan-13 20:22:42

You sound like hard work imo.

I think meals are sociable experiences, and having to eat separate foods just because you don't trust her to accurately report (this is an issue in itself, if you don't trust her on this...) is unfairly isolating for your dc.

Getting him ready in advance of your arrival - what if you were delayed, how would your dc feel all togged up waiting for you? I like that time in the cm hallway to catch up on dds' day.

I think it's pretty unusual for a cm to take your dc to a class - more what a nanny would do. With all truly paid classes I've always accepted that we''ll miss a few and factored that intimidate the cost.

The level of pandering to your precise wishes that you're looking for would be best found with a nanny at much greater cost. There is no way a nursery would come out any better on your picky points.

Wereonourway Tue 22-Jan-13 20:23:04

I don't think anyone is going to live up to your standards op.
I understand that as a mum you want ds taken care of in certain ways, I felt the same when ds first started nursery at 6 months.

I have also been a nanny and feel that even if you emplyed a nanny you wouldn't be happy because as much as you stipulate other people are going to do things differently.

You don't mention anything about how your dc is at all, does he seem happy and settled? I think you need to look at things from this angle rather than your own.

If he's had a lovely day then is 2 minutes spent chatting to childminder whilst you dress him really too much to ask??

My ds has just turned 2, as much as I'd bloody love him to nap at the same time each day it doesn't happen!

As for the group I think the childminders reasons are more than valid, she's not just duffing it off cos she can't be arsed!

If your child was the ill one would you like him to be taken to a group cos another mum insisted?? If your dc's school closed would you like childminder to not turn up to pick him up because they were at a group with another mindee??

I feel sorry for your childminder to be honest. It's a bloody hard job and you are picking no positives up whatsoever.

cansu Tue 22-Jan-13 20:23:13

This must be a joke surely? if not then OP you are completely mad!
1 if your ds wants to eat what other minders are having then let him. The only exception to this should be if he has special allergies or she serves very unhealthy food.
2. She is doing you a big favour taking him to the class. Childminders don't generally do this as they have to consider the needs and other interests of the other children they care for. Picking up a child from nursery would take precedence over your class.
3 the end of the day is very busy. Having your dc in his coat and shoes waiting for you is perhaps not tactical for her or comfy for your dc. Plenty of women and men put on their child's coat, find their bag and get them in the car after a days work and survive. It is called being a parent. You are not collecting your Marks and Sparks food order!

If you can't cope get a nanny, though I have the feeling you will need a very very patient nanny.

anewyear Tue 22-Jan-13 20:24:09

Hmm, ex post with alot of others
Noone else had posted when I started typing my

TravelinColour Tue 22-Jan-13 20:24:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BananaPie Tue 22-Jan-13 20:24:53

Must be a joke / reverse op!

anewyear Tue 22-Jan-13 20:25:33


AmandaWrassleworth Tue 22-Jan-13 20:27:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charmingbaker Tue 22-Jan-13 20:27:30

Have you looked into a nanny, a childminder looks after a group of children and has to act in the best interest of all the children. As others have said she is not your staff. I think you need to be a little flexible in how you expect people to care for your DC, most parents enjoy having a quick chat about their DCs day whilst coats and shoes are being put on.

Booyhoo Tue 22-Jan-13 20:28:03

you dont talk to your sons CMer at the end of his day there to find out how he was, what he did, whether he had a good day or a bad day, any special comments?

why the hell not?

Catrin Tue 22-Jan-13 20:28:30

Change into pyjamas for naps???

lechatnoir Tue 22-Jan-13 20:28:59

lol @ Marks & Sparks food order. Just getting me wine ready, can't wait for op to respond grin

Booyhoo Tue 22-Jan-13 20:30:02

you want him in pjs for a nap at his cmer's?

hat and sunscreen is common sense. dont patronise the woman!

AmandaWrassleworth Tue 22-Jan-13 20:31:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmandaWrassleworth Tue 22-Jan-13 20:32:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peanutbutterfingers Tue 22-Jan-13 20:33:28

Wasn't going to comment but seriously, not go out in dirty clothes? He's 2, he should be getting dirty!

Your demands are completely unreasonable for a childminder. If you want that level of control you need a nanny.

So much more I could say but would be echoing above. You need to relax. A lot.

missusmrs Tue 22-Jan-13 20:33:33

Made me giggle thanks!

RubyrooUK Tue 22-Jan-13 20:33:56

I think phoning your CM in the evening is really unreasonable. I work evenings when necessary but I would hate it if my boss called me during my family time. If you are normally early, why not spend a few minutes talking to her then?

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