I think that unless she is feeding the children cheesey wotsits and turkey drummers he should eat with the other children otherwise he will feel left out In terms of getting him ready for pick up, are you always there a 5 on the dot or can it be slightly earlier? Do you really want him sitting there for ten minutes in his coat and shoes feeling like a spare part? It's probably her busiest time of the day do its a bit much to ask The class that you pay for -did you suggest it or did she? If you set it up then can't you enrol next term for an evening or weekend? Childminders look after several children and picking up a child from a closed nursery should take priority IMO
I think some of the problems you describe are not 'deal breakers' as such, not going to the classes you have paid for, on those 2 occasions sound as if there were external factors, not that she was deliberately not doing as you'd asked iykwim.
Re meals/snacks, I would reiterate it to her if it is such a big deal. Maybe your dc sees what the others are having and asks to have the same? Would it be such a big thing if he had meals with the others?
The getting ready to go home thing, again, reiterate it, explain why it's an issue for you, maybe she doesn't realise what a pain it is for you?
Good childminders are not always easy to find, and if your son really loves it there, do you really want to have find someone else and have to go through the whole settling in routine again?
And you think a nursery will take him to his activity, have him ready to go at collection time, put him down for a nap at the right time and only feed him what you have provided, well good luck trying to find a nursery that can do all that, and as pp has pointed out your son loves her.... Maybe you should employ a nanny.
Lunch - just remind her, but unless he has allergies or the food she was feeding was unhealthy, then it does not seem a huge problem.
Missed class - that is the nature of having somebody else take your child to a class, especially a CM. The reasons she missed the class were very valid - what did you expect her to do?
Having to go inside to fetch your child - well, this is a somewhat suprising complaint! How is she supposed to know exactly when you are coming? He will be sweltering if he sits around in outdoor clothes. Also, it is a good thing for you to go inside, chat to her, see the environment, say hello to the other children. Your son will see that you value and are interested in what goes on there - there is a lot of evidence around the importance of parents being involved in their children's learning and development.
you still only have her word for it when your dc comes home with an empty lunch box, surely? how do you know she hasn't binned it and fed him a pot noodle? you clearly have trust issues with her. you don't sound like you should be using a childminder's services to be honest. poor woman, i feel sorry for her - i'm surprised she hasn't given you notice....
She provides a service, you decide if you like it. She doesn't work for you. I would not take a child to a regular activity and I have seen children very distressed by eating different food to everyone else. If you always pick up at precisely the same time, then maybe she could have your child in coat and shoes, but another child might need something just as she is about to do it, which would make her late.
I don't think a child minder is for you, or a nursery. If you want this level of micro management you need to be the sole employer and will therefore need a nanny.
While a good childminder or nursery will try to accommodate your wishes you should have selected the setting based on what they were already undertaking. You sound like a bit of a nightmare to be honest.
Also don't kid yourself that with a nanny or another cm your concerns would disappear - the problem here is your attitude not the cm.
I opened this thinking it would be one about accidents, unhappy kid etc but by your own admission your ds is happy. It is hard handing your dc over to someone else as they won't do things exactly as you do (I know I have struggled). You have to pick your battles - nothing you have mentioned seems worth being hassled about.
What woahthere said in the first reply. You are not her employer, she is self employed and you are choosing to use her services, but she also has responsibilities to other childen, and needs to be trusted to make the decisions she has to make throughout the day. Like ReetPetit - if you speak to her in the same demanding way you have posted here, I'm surprosed she hasn't given you notice, tbh.