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Au Pair Angst going on upstairs - I am wearing my judgy pants

(37 Posts)
NormaStanleyFletcher Wed 12-Dec-12 21:39:37

A neighbours Au Pair has come to see mine. She is under 18 years old, has been here just over a week, and is being expected to look after a 2 year old and a 5 year old. The 5 year old from 8-9 and from 3.15-5, but the 2 year old ALL DAY. Plus cleaning. for 60 quid a week. She is leaving as she is getting criticised for her work.

They are havvin a larf.

They should be paying a nanny for that kind of hours.

Shouldn't they?

My au pair does get up, drop off and pick up, simple cooking or re-heating 3-4 days a week. Usually 3 days a week. I pay 90. I am flexible, she is flexible. She does not do much cleaning.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Wed 02-Jan-13 02:12:01

I'm glad she has found a new family - I hope it works out for them all.

It was nice of you to take her to the station - I can't believe your neighbour wouldn't.

Imabadmum Wed 02-Jan-13 01:50:54

I do think this girl is being/has been exploited and glad she has found something else but, did she not know what the family expected of her, in terms of the children's ages and the hours per day? Just curious, not judgemental.

I ask because I have interviewed several APs who claim to want work 12-15 hour days, and do whatever we ask of them. Makes me wary as I dont really think they know what working those kinds of hours is really like., or that they are setting themselves up to be exploited. Worrying.

fraktion Sun 30-Dec-12 23:06:41

I don't know any military families who expect that level of help from an AP either. Ours is here for wraparound care of a toddler - nursery runs and lunch twice a week - and backup when DH is deployed. She is wondeful, very competent, at the older end of the spectrum (mid-twenties) and tons of experience with younger cousins, babysitting etc, but I still wouldn't expect full on FT sole charge and especially not for what we're paying her. It isn't what she signed up for.

NormaStanleyFletcher Sun 30-Dec-12 22:51:51


French Au Pair has found a new family.

I emailed her last night as an MNer had PM'd me to ask if she was still available.

I hope her new family treat her as she should be treated.

And echt I agree with you, I would never use an au pair to take sole charge of a pre school child, at least not for more than an hour.

She was being expected to do that (all day, 5 days a week), and clean to high standards. <<Pulls up judgy pants>>

Narnia I am a mil family, I guess, and my au pair was only expected to do 3 days a week, get up girl, take to school, pick up, and easy supper for her and her brother.

and occasional Help out a bit with other things like bath her or read her her story while i drank wine as I was too tired after commuting to think

echt Sat 29-Dec-12 22:14:40

That poor girl. Probably on my own here, but I felt, and still feel that APs should only care for school-age children.

financialwizard Sat 29-Dec-12 09:00:04

Narnia, I disagree. I don't know anyone in our military community who worked an au pair like that.

Narnia34 Mon 24-Dec-12 10:36:46

Sadly, Norma, I think it's normal for mil families to think that's what Au Pairs do now. I have been 'shouted down' on a wives page for suggesting that an Au Pair is there for some light childcare, housework and baby sitting. That is what the AP's we had when I was a child did.

This family need to wake up and get a Nanny, or CM. They are taking incredible risks having such a young person having full-time unsupervised care of a young child.

custardismyhamster Sun 16-Dec-12 19:15:04

Oh Norma, well done for helping her.

Dozer Sat 15-Dec-12 20:43:07

Poor kid, you are kind to help her out. What horrible people to treat her like that!

NormaStanleyFletcher Fri 14-Dec-12 05:25:04


She has been here in tears tonight. She has moved her leaving date to Sunday, and Is staying here on Sat night so that I can put her on a coach to Victoria on Sun morning (she asked the mum to take her to Victoria mum said no)

minderjinx Thu 13-Dec-12 15:57:35

I think she should be okay for a few days. She does sound quite assertive if she has already (after only a week) raised the subject of increasing her pay and told the host parents that she is leaving, so I wouldn't think she is going to be browbeaten, though I am at a loss as to why she took the job in the first place. I think a few days awkwardness is only to be expected. Is there no way she can trade her ticket for an earlier flight home?

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 13-Dec-12 14:53:13

I also feel quite awkward getting involved in somebody elses stuff. I don't know the mum, but we live in a closed community (military base) and her little boy goes to the same tiny school as my dd.

fedupwithdeployment Thu 13-Dec-12 14:46:48

They sound like an awful family. Poor girl. She is very young - any chance she could find something else?

An AP should not have sole charge of an under 3 for long periods iirc....all week!!!! That is something else.

JaneFonda Thu 13-Dec-12 14:42:08

Oh, poor girl!

It must be so tough being so young, in a foreign country, and being exploited. Good for her for being assertive and refusing to just accept such a bad situation.

Could she stay on an airbed on the floor of your au pair's room? It would be a squeeze, but it would only be for a few nights and I imagine it would save her an awful lot of awkwardness etc. with her host family.

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 13-Dec-12 14:05:20

Neighbours au pair has asked my au pair if she can stay here for a few nights before she leaves


I have no room.

poopnscoop Thu 13-Dec-12 11:22:09

'I pay my childminder more than that for less hours'

One cannot compare the service a childminder and an aupair provides at all.

Poor girl, I hope she finds another family who appreciate (and pay!) her properly.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 13-Dec-12 11:08:59

The poor two year old! "Dangerously economising" is right.

I wonder what they tell people the terms are before they arrive. THey won't get anyone to stay for longer than five minutes. Seriously I really worry about those children.

wewereherefirst Thu 13-Dec-12 09:42:01

That is pure exploitation!

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 13-Dec-12 09:37:34

It is not their first au pair. The last one left a couple of weeks ago because she was so unhappy with the arrangement.

Brownie, au pairs will pretty much always get less than childminders, as they get housed and fed on top.

browniebearscuddlychristmas Thu 13-Dec-12 09:11:47

I pay my childminder more than that for less hours

fraktion Thu 13-Dec-12 09:02:06

That's ridiculous. The family are economising (dangerously) and whilst it's technically legal it's exploitative and shouldn't be. They need a nanny.

Poor girl sad

searching4serenity Thu 13-Dec-12 08:14:30

Is that legal??!Those hours for that money?

I feel really sorry for the AP. This must be your neighbours 1st au pair?

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 13-Dec-12 08:10:49

Unfortunately not. We have no room at all.

MrAnchovy Thu 13-Dec-12 00:12:51

Outrageous exploitation but unfortunately not unusual. Can you make a point to your neighbour by offering the AP somewhere to stay when she comes back?

NormaStanleyFletcher Wed 12-Dec-12 22:46:59

I would take her on - my au pair is leaving at Christmas, but I already have another Spanish girl lined up.

She has raised the rate with the mum, who has just told her it is all they can afford.

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