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Au Pair Angst going on upstairs - I am wearing my judgy pants

(37 Posts)
NormaStanleyFletcher Wed 12-Dec-12 21:39:37

A neighbours Au Pair has come to see mine. She is under 18 years old, has been here just over a week, and is being expected to look after a 2 year old and a 5 year old. The 5 year old from 8-9 and from 3.15-5, but the 2 year old ALL DAY. Plus cleaning. for 60 quid a week. She is leaving as she is getting criticised for her work.

They are havvin a larf.

They should be paying a nanny for that kind of hours.

Shouldn't they?

My au pair does get up, drop off and pick up, simple cooking or re-heating 3-4 days a week. Usually 3 days a week. I pay 90. I am flexible, she is flexible. She does not do much cleaning.

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 13-Dec-12 14:53:13

I also feel quite awkward getting involved in somebody elses stuff. I don't know the mum, but we live in a closed community (military base) and her little boy goes to the same tiny school as my dd.

minderjinx Thu 13-Dec-12 15:57:35

I think she should be okay for a few days. She does sound quite assertive if she has already (after only a week) raised the subject of increasing her pay and told the host parents that she is leaving, so I wouldn't think she is going to be browbeaten, though I am at a loss as to why she took the job in the first place. I think a few days awkwardness is only to be expected. Is there no way she can trade her ticket for an earlier flight home?

NormaStanleyFletcher Fri 14-Dec-12 05:25:04


She has been here in tears tonight. She has moved her leaving date to Sunday, and Is staying here on Sat night so that I can put her on a coach to Victoria on Sun morning (she asked the mum to take her to Victoria mum said no)

Dozer Sat 15-Dec-12 20:43:07

Poor kid, you are kind to help her out. What horrible people to treat her like that!

custardismyhamster Sun 16-Dec-12 19:15:04

Oh Norma, well done for helping her.

Narnia34 Mon 24-Dec-12 10:36:46

Sadly, Norma, I think it's normal for mil families to think that's what Au Pairs do now. I have been 'shouted down' on a wives page for suggesting that an Au Pair is there for some light childcare, housework and baby sitting. That is what the AP's we had when I was a child did.

This family need to wake up and get a Nanny, or CM. They are taking incredible risks having such a young person having full-time unsupervised care of a young child.

financialwizard Sat 29-Dec-12 09:00:04

Narnia, I disagree. I don't know anyone in our military community who worked an au pair like that.

echt Sat 29-Dec-12 22:14:40

That poor girl. Probably on my own here, but I felt, and still feel that APs should only care for school-age children.

NormaStanleyFletcher Sun 30-Dec-12 22:51:51


French Au Pair has found a new family.

I emailed her last night as an MNer had PM'd me to ask if she was still available.

I hope her new family treat her as she should be treated.

And echt I agree with you, I would never use an au pair to take sole charge of a pre school child, at least not for more than an hour.

She was being expected to do that (all day, 5 days a week), and clean to high standards. <<Pulls up judgy pants>>

Narnia I am a mil family, I guess, and my au pair was only expected to do 3 days a week, get up girl, take to school, pick up, and easy supper for her and her brother.

and occasional Help out a bit with other things like bath her or read her her story while i drank wine as I was too tired after commuting to think

fraktion Sun 30-Dec-12 23:06:41

I don't know any military families who expect that level of help from an AP either. Ours is here for wraparound care of a toddler - nursery runs and lunch twice a week - and backup when DH is deployed. She is wondeful, very competent, at the older end of the spectrum (mid-twenties) and tons of experience with younger cousins, babysitting etc, but I still wouldn't expect full on FT sole charge and especially not for what we're paying her. It isn't what she signed up for.

Imabadmum Wed 02-Jan-13 01:50:54

I do think this girl is being/has been exploited and glad she has found something else but, did she not know what the family expected of her, in terms of the children's ages and the hours per day? Just curious, not judgemental.

I ask because I have interviewed several APs who claim to want work 12-15 hour days, and do whatever we ask of them. Makes me wary as I dont really think they know what working those kinds of hours is really like., or that they are setting themselves up to be exploited. Worrying.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Wed 02-Jan-13 02:12:01

I'm glad she has found a new family - I hope it works out for them all.

It was nice of you to take her to the station - I can't believe your neighbour wouldn't.

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