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How would you handle this situation?

(101 Posts)
MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 22:58:30

I am a live-in nanny and I was told tonight that I can't stay in my room over NYE as the mother of MB would like to sleep in my room. Other guests will stay I am back from NYC on the 30th and have to work on the 31st, so will probably be tired and the last thing I want is to stay at a hotel and pay £££ for it as it is NYE.

This is one of the situations where I really consider moving out and have my own flat. I don't want anybody sleeping in 'my' room, i have all my personal stuff there

AIBU or is MB?

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 09:48:43

Of course I would expect my salary to be raised! They might just look for another nanny, as they need somebody to live-in.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Mon 10-Dec-12 11:35:16

OP I think there are two issues here.

First is the situation over NYE.

The second if whether you want to be live in or live out. I have a live in nanny and if she announced to me that she was moving out then I couldn't stop her but if she wanted to stay employed by me I'd be expecting her to do the same hours for the same money as that is the job she signed up for. You can't unilaterally decide to move out and demand more money, you either are happy to be live in for what you're on or look for another position. I think you're in danger of letting your unhappiness about one event poison the whole position.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 10-Dec-12 11:50:04

I agree with Bingo.

The job is a live-in nanny.

If you move out, you are resigning.

We don't know your employers so we can't tell you what to do. They are being hugely unreasonable here, but only you know whether this is normal behaviour or Christmas-stress induced madness.

If they are always like this then I would start looking for another position.

If you've been there a while and they've alway been fair and reasonable I would give them another chance.

Living in central London or the Surrey borders is pricey.Look into what you could expect to earn as a live-out nanny and the cost of living before you make any decisions.

fraktion Mon 10-Dec-12 12:10:56

You can't just move out without breaking the contract. They can't kick you out of your room without breaking the contract.

If they insist on you giving up your room, inform them that they're breaching the terms and conditions so you will be leaving and moving out, your last day of work will be whenever and you expect to be paid in lieu of notice as the accommodation will be unavailable to you for the duration of your notice period.

The danger is that they take you seriously.

piprabbit Mon 10-Dec-12 12:17:50

I cannot believe how cheeky this family are being.

You spend all day on the 31st looking after their darling children and then they get to make you 'homeless' that night?


duchesse Mon 10-Dec-12 12:20:35

I agree with ChristmasCookie. I think the parents don't stand up to the mother, and they would rather you did. So I think you need to point out to your employers (not the mother) that this is a completely unreasonable demand (given the requirement to work NYE, lack of notice (which would have left you able to make different arrangements such as spend NYE with friends) and the high cost of any suitable alternative) and let them deal with it and any possible fallout. The grandmother is being unreasonable and so are they to leave you by leaving you to handle it.

Poledra Mon 10-Dec-12 12:25:49

If the bed for the grandmother is so important, why don't your bosses sleep in the gym and let the grandmother sleep in their bed? No, I don't think they would either...

Viviennemary Mon 10-Dec-12 12:35:16

They are the ones who are breaking the contract. Not you. You are a live in nanny and your room is not available. To me that is a breach of contract. They must sort it out.

megandraper Mon 10-Dec-12 12:35:55

Miss NJE - I'm not suggesting you actually sue your employer. (I employ a nanny myself and hope she wouldn't leap straight to the 'suing' option if we had a disagreement/misunderstanding over something).

But I do think your employer appears to be ignoring the contract. And perhaps needs to be politely made aware of its obligations! She could 'ask' you to do this, and you could choose whether to accept or not. She certainly can't tell you to do it!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 15:30:13

MB is ignoring me now. Not replying to emails or anything. Wasn't even interested that her DS had nose bleeding this morning.

iluvkids Mon 10-Dec-12 16:54:43

Take a job like
and then work 'live out ' - - choose/take a live out nanny job...

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 10-Dec-12 17:07:53

i cant believe your mb would ask this of you when you have flown home esp to look after their children

you live in 24/7 and this is your own personal private space, you are not in the spare room

the answer is a flat no

if mb/db want granny to stay that much then they can give up their bed and have the sofa

or granny can sleep on the sofa

or have dc room? or is only a cot in there?

is it a 3 bed house, yours, mb/db and babys room

or pay for a taxi for granny to go home

i am all for being flexible and as think chipping said if they said would you mind giving up your room rather then demand it then you might have said yes

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 17:57:20

We live in a five bedroom house. Guest bedroom will be for the father's parents, living room will be for one of his brothers and GF, his other brother will sleep on mattress in gym/hallway. I am not sure tbh. Little one only has a cot in his room, so no option to stay there. that only leaves my room. Well not really because i am here.

I am especially disappointed because I usually have a great relationship with MB and never expected this. hmm

Firstgold Mon 10-Dec-12 18:13:18

Firstly, you're not being unreasonable. Now a couple of points:

1. Do you want to stay with your current employers? If YES, I would suggest going to see a lawyer is not a good option at all.

2. If the answer to 1 is yes, you need to sit down with your employers tonight and have it out with them along the lines of:
- I was very put out indeed that you've given my room to your mother without even asking my consent.
- Under the terms of my contract, the bedroom is for my sole use (check the contract - our live in nanny has a 'licence to occupy' until one of us terminates her contract). As a result, I am perfectly entitled to stay in my room 365 days of the year.
- I'm flying back from NY specifically to care for the children on NYE and thus it goes without saying that I am going to need my bedroom.
- I enjoy working for you but this has honestly made me question my standing and worth within this family.

Your employers probably don't realise quite how much they've cocked up and will just need you to state the obvious. If this doesn't lead to an apology and 'of course, I stuffed up..assumed you'd be with mates etc' then I'd think about moving on, constructive dismissal or whatever.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 18:14:46

Firstgold: they knew that I was here on NYE.

valiumredhead Mon 10-Dec-12 18:17:53

YANBU at all!

valiumredhead Mon 10-Dec-12 18:18:23

Sorry forgot this wasn't AIBU blush

Firstgold Mon 10-Dec-12 18:31:16

My advice still stands. Have it out with them. No point just sweating about it on here - just sit down and thrash it out with them. You are totally entitled to your room. I would still make the points I made in my first post if I were you.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 20:50:56

Had a long chat with MB. I cried a lot and feel even worse than I did before. MB said she didn't realise that I was here on NYE, even though I work on the 31.12 and it also doesn't change the fact that she just assumed it would be okay for her mother to stay in my room.

I am so upset. Thanks everybody for your advise. I really feel like that this ruined our otherwise great relationship.

SoldeInvierno Mon 10-Dec-12 20:58:21

sorry you are upset. They are showing very little respect for you and in your position, I would just leave asap. They don't deserve your help.

YourHandInMyHand Mon 10-Dec-12 21:12:25

How can she have not realised you would be there when she has asked you to work that day?

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 21:58:26


Blondeshavemorefun Mon 10-Dec-12 22:41:51

In your Mb defence maybe she thought/assumed you would be out with friends in the evening

Though she could have checked with you and again asked if you would mind granny sleeping in your bed

MNPdoesYULETIDE Mon 10-Dec-12 23:21:20

Reminds me of a job yonks ago where I went out in their car on a Saturday did some shopping and a movie and came home to find his 12yo in my bed and half my belongs scattered about....they thought me unreasonable to want to stay there (it was 11:30pm), he was moved to his usual bed on their floor, they "thought I was away for the weekend" with their car hmm not likely.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 11-Dec-12 04:38:28

So now mb knows you are there nye what's going to happen with sleeping arrangements

Do you have your personal space invaded and if so what happens to you

or will granny go home/sleep on floor

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