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How would you handle this situation?

(101 Posts)
MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 22:58:30

I am a live-in nanny and I was told tonight that I can't stay in my room over NYE as the mother of MB would like to sleep in my room. Other guests will stay I am back from NYC on the 30th and have to work on the 31st, so will probably be tired and the last thing I want is to stay at a hotel and pay £££ for it as it is NYE.

This is one of the situations where I really consider moving out and have my own flat. I don't want anybody sleeping in 'my' room, i have all my personal stuff there

AIBU or is MB?

Dromedary Sun 09-Dec-12 23:19:06

If the arrangement is that you live there, it's your home, then they're being unreasonable to throw you out for their convenience like this. They should surely pay for your hotel room?

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 09-Dec-12 23:31:41

She is being MASSIVELY unreasonable.

You live there in exchange for lower wages, essentially you're paying rent, it's your room and she cannot kick you out or allow someone else to sleep in there without your consent.

Of course it would be nice of you to let her DM sleep in there, but she needs to ask not tell you and she needs to pay for you to stay in a hotel.

The cheek of some people is unbelievable!

MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 23:35:56

Thanks Dromedary. Yes, I live here seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. So not even a 5/2 arrangement. I could understand if the mother would live far away, but she lives 10-15 minutes away. A cab costs £15 so probably a bit more on NYE but still less expensive than to pay for a hotel.
I am quite upset as we usually get on very well and I did not expect this. I had the option to stay longer in NYC but as I have to work on the 31st I had come back.

magicOC Sun 09-Dec-12 23:45:17

Be prepared for it to be awkward, but, do stand your ground.

It's your personal space that is part and parcel of the job.

If she had thought (wrongly) that you would be away till say 2nd or 3rd jan, then maybe she thought it would be fine, BUT, as she has you working on NYE she clearly knows you are around.

Tell her all your mates will still be away so you have nowhere to go.

She surely can't do this???

She is being VVVU

Good luck

Pancakeflipper Sun 09-Dec-12 23:48:01

Can you stay at the mother's house ( even though Inthink they are being unreasonable telling you to ship out for the night) ?

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 23:50:58

Stand your ground, it is your room, it is not her spare room when it suits her. Whether you are in the UK or in NY. If you were in NY she would have been totally out of order to have let her Mother use your room without your permission.

Tell her this ^

I'm guessing you are a really good nanny and she appreciates that, which is why you get on so well - not because she's actually a nice person (if that makes sense).

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 23:51:51

I thought about that Pancake - then thought - why the fuck should she??

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sun 09-Dec-12 23:52:35

... and it will lead to futher misunderstandings about the room being MissNJE's room - a private space, not their spare room when it suits them.

NatashaBee Sun 09-Dec-12 23:54:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissNJE Sun 09-Dec-12 23:58:35

I am still not sure what I do NYE, all of my friends aren't in London but in NYC on NYE or somewhere else. I couldn't stay until the 1st because I have to work on the 31st.

magicOC Mon 10-Dec-12 00:01:01

Even more reason for her no to expect you to vacate

TwoFacedCows Mon 10-Dec-12 00:02:18

they have a bloody cheek! kicking you our of your own room, I would not be impressed and probably refused. - like you say, all of your stuff is in there!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:03:46

So the only friend who might have been in London just told me that she is in Germany at NYE. angry

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:04:18

On not at NYE. Sorry tipping from my iphone.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 00:06:34

Did you want to be in NY for NYE?

Can you change your tickets?

Viviennemary Mon 10-Dec-12 00:13:09

If you have to work on the 31st then it is most unreasonable of them to say you can't have your room. This sounds very unfair of them. I think you should at least think about finding another job where you are appreciated more. Cheeky wretches!!

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:41:06


No I can not change my tickets and I still have to work on the 31st.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 00:43:36

Well, if you could change your tickets I was going to suggest that you offer the use of your room in exchange for not having to work on the 31st so you can stay in NY longer.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:45:12

viviennemary that's what upsets me the most. I always assumed that they appreciate me a 100% but things like this just show me that they don't, which hurts a lot.

I am glad that people don't think I am overreacting.

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 00:47:37

My employers don't really have an option, they both have to work on the 31st and the grandmother won't look after him for the day because she doesn't want to change nappies. I therefore have t work on the 31st.

Even if I wasn't here, it's my room with my personal stuff in it and I am a bit weird about other people sleeping in my bed apart from sister. I always have been and I probably always will be.

Viviennemary Mon 10-Dec-12 01:03:00

I think if you have to work on the 31st then your room must be available for you to sleep in. If it isn't then you won't be available to work on that day. And the decision then is theirs. Hope you get it sorted out. Why can't the Grandma go home if she only lives a short distance away. They sound as if they want things completely their way. .

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Mon 10-Dec-12 01:29:33

You aren't over-reacting not to them assuming they can just comandeer your room when it suits them <they can't> or with how hurt you are that you aren't as close/appreciated as you had thought - it hurts sad

What are you going to say to them?

MissNJE Mon 10-Dec-12 02:00:46

MB does not want her to stay. Long story, but that's how she is. Guest bedroom and all other sleeping options are for the parents of the father and his brothers. Grandmother feels excluded and 'demands' my room.

McPheastOfStephen Mon 10-Dec-12 02:06:20

How bloody rude

Do not, under any circumstances let this happen

I'm very angry on your behalf

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