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Mindee biting other children

(11 Posts)
stainesmassif Fri 16-Nov-12 11:20:22

She's nearly two and going through a bad biting stage. This escalated yesterday to three attacks on another child at a group - biting, pushing over and finally hair pulling.
I've given time out, rewarding good behaviour, positive attention to the injured child, explaining about being kind, apologising and have discussed at length with mum. (Not all at the same time)

What am I missing? Do we give up groups for a while? Ds2 is the same age as her and they mostly play well together at home.

stainesmassif Fri 16-Nov-12 11:21:17

I should add, I don't believe she's being at all malicious.

ReetPetit Fri 16-Nov-12 12:49:24

what is mums response? she needs to be on your side and dealing with this the same as you, if not, you are fighting a loosing battle.

you are right, it is as stage but it needs to be nipped in the bud or she will be a very unpopular, unpleasant little girl!!

You are doing all the right things. Do not give up on groups, thats not fair on the other children in your care. Everytime she does it, firmly tell her no and put her in her pram with no further attention. she will learn that is is not getting her the desired response and eventually will stop but you must stress the importtance to mum that she does as you do, otherwise you will have to give notice as it will impact on the other children in your care.

MUM2BLESS Fri 16-Nov-12 13:25:16

This thread got my attention.

I had a little one who was biting herself and others too. It got to the stage where I dare not leave her alone with the other little one I was looking after.

Its important that you get the support of the parents with this. Sometimes the child may not do this with their parents.

Do not try to do this by yourself. Get the parents to talk to the child. Forwhatever reason this is being done it NOT NICE.

Speak to the parents and let them know your concerns, especially the safety of the other children. Things can become very difficult if another child is bitten and their parents start making a fuss about it.

Once I had to show the father (of the child who was bitting) the hand of the child who had been bitten.

Yes nip it in the bud now! Let the little one know bitting is not nice.

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 16-Nov-12 13:48:21

Not a CM, but my DD was a biter. Identifying the trigger is really important tiredness, hunger, frustration and want power. Seem to be the most common. With my DD it was frustration as she didn't have the words. Trying to avoid a trigger point is really important.
I know with DD at nursery it took several weeks and a few bites to correctly identify the trigger. Once it was identified the bites were much less and disappeared once her vocab grew.

stainesmassif Fri 16-Nov-12 13:55:58

Mum is a good friend and approaches this in a similar manner to me - possibly slightly more cross when telling her off (I felt vvv cross yesterday).
My mindee appears v sweet and after an incident is docile and compliant. Apologises easily, sits still in time out until it's over and wants to give her 'victim' lots of kisses. I know her parents take this really seriously and don't tolerate her behaviour at home. I just feel at a loss as it seems to be getting worse and obviously I feel dreadful for her victims.

stainesmassif Fri 16-Nov-12 13:57:00

The trigger seems to be affection - she is trying to make friends with the children she targets.

thebody Fri 16-Nov-12 18:12:50

I think I would give up the groups for a while, she might just be overwhelmed and get a bit over excited.

I do think the worst social behaviour is often exhibited at indoor toddler groups.

Hard on your own ds though. Sympathys.

star92 Fri 16-Nov-12 22:40:28

I wouldn't give up the groups if it's a sign of affection. My daughter used to be a bitter when she was around 2 years old, which was also a sign of affection - if she liked you, you were likely to get a bite! (her sister got the brunt of it!)

Although she was a bit older than your mindee, we mainly tried to explain that her friends/sister don't like it when she bites, and a hug is a MUCH better way to say hi/make friends/show you like them e.c.t. Praise, praise, praise when she is being friendly, even something such as she gets a sticker when she's playing nicely with others - could start giving stickers when she plays nicely with your son, as you say she does that already. Just keep doing what your doing, it will soon pass. Good luck.

stainesmassif Sat 17-Nov-12 08:26:03

Thanks star. She's vv bright, definitely understands everything we say. And loves stickers, so that's probably a really good strategy for her.

GrimAndHumourless Sat 17-Nov-12 08:31:33

any chance that you could REALLY hover, close enough to block a strike with your forearm or body? It all depends on the other children you have there too, I know.

Otherwise I might be inclined to miss groups for a very short time - say two weeks, tops - and see if the link between being affectionate (awwww) and then lunging is broken

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