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nanny with own kid

(3 Posts)
whitelightning Tue 30-Oct-12 22:47:04

I'm meeting a new nanny to discuss childcare for my 2 kids, aged 2 and 4. If.we went ahead she would bring.her own 2 year old with.her. has anyone else got experience of how this can work, am just wondering about the dilemmas of caring for your.own kid alongside someone else's and also.sick days, if her wee one gets ill, etc

Be v interested to hear if anyone else has been in this situation.

WindyAnna Wed 31-Oct-12 10:41:15

I have had a number of nannies with their own children.

Our own permanent nanny had no children at first and then two over the years she worked for us. She came back bringing her children. This worked well as she had already bonded with my own daughter and they became one big happy family.

During her first mat leave I took on NWOC whose DD was a little older than my own. i thought it would be a good idea as it would get my DD used to the idea of another child in the house. It did not work out so well, she and I had different views on bringing up children and she decided that since her child was around she wanted her brought up in her way and so my own DD was getting very mixed messages. Also the child was very physical and used to hit my DD!!

During the second mat leave I had another NWOC that worked out much better, he was younger than my DD and my DD acted the part of his big sister. Nanny and I saw eye to eye on childcare!

Downsides are that your own children won't have had the time to bond with the nanny, the logistics of managing three can be more "coping" than actually managing, there are more scenarios to think of (e.g. what if the nanny's child has a contagious illness do you want them at work?) and you need to think about salary - if this was a nanny share with another family you would be paying less so in theory you can adjust salary.

Upsides are lots of friends for your own children as long as they get on.

It's worth asking the nanny some scenario based questions about what she would do in certain circumstances and how she would build the relationships.

Windy

fraktion Wed 31-Oct-12 16:14:07

Like windy the only way I can see it working from both the persoective of a parent who has employed a nanny and having been a nanny (and if we lived somewhere there was the opportunity a potential NWOC) is if you have virtually identical views on childcare. Nannies should be able to balance 3 or 4 children, they don't become any less competent for having given birth, many have worked in nurseries where you have to prioritise according to need and will be able to do that, children get ill and they share germs so mild illness means their child would probably come too, something more serious/contagious and your own children may well have it - if not they would need to do what any other parent dies and either find alternative care or they/their partner take time off. In that respect you lose an advantage of a nanny but a CM or nursery wouldn't take ill children and if nanny's child is ill yours probably are too.

The sticking points would be around parenting style. Whilst a nanny can apply your rules if it isn't what they're accustomed to doing and would do naturally it probably won't work. I, for example, would now not take a job which used time out or controlled crying because I don't and it would feel wrong to apply that to a charge but not my own DS.

The upside is that your DCs will benefit from a consistent 'parenting' approach because nanny will probably genuinely treat then as their own. And of course bringing your own child is a benefit so hopefully it will be a bit cheaper too - 25% is normal IME.

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