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Funeral charges

(59 Posts)
poppiesmom Tue 30-Oct-12 19:10:06

A sensitive topic ... My best friends mom passed away Sunday... I've literally just had funeral arrangements given to me... so txt my parents straight away to say i'd have to finish work at 14.00 thinking at least if i covered most of the day then it would help parent's out... I only work Wed to Friday...8 - 5pm One of my parents has just replied back saying she has no leave left so hopes i wont charge her after 2pm because she wont get paid.... I do have leave left so i'm thinking off saying ... right get stuffed you insensitive person... cover the day yourself... ( As i say... I'm so hurt to have that reaction... !!) Has anyone else had a similar experience????

DizziDoll Tue 30-Oct-12 19:36:55

Sorry to hear about your best friends mum sad.
To be fair, i would have to use holiday to cover time off in your situation in my company too. I would only get time of for a close relative.
Perhaps her way of stating it was insensitive but I don't think she is being unreasonable in asking not to be charges or you using your annual leave time for it.
Hope your friend is ok.

ghislaine Tue 30-Oct-12 19:39:06

Unless you have something in your contract saying that you reserve the right to charge for a full day even when you are unavailable to work it, then I think you would get that reaction from most, if not all, of your parents. What do your agreements say about leave, the circumstances in which you can take it, what you can charge during your leave, and how much notice is expected?

TBH I think you are being oversensitive and not thinking straight. Why should the parents pay for childcare they are not receiving? You're not 'helping them out', you are running a business. I think if you told me to get stuffed for querying your charges I would look elsewhere.

fraktion Tue 30-Oct-12 19:42:40

It entirely depends what your contract says about paid leave.

NatashaBee Tue 30-Oct-12 19:45:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleducks Tue 30-Oct-12 19:47:03

I think you shouldnt charge (unless there is something else clearly written in your contract). It is late notice (understandably).

I realise it is upsetting for you but you need to try and remain professional, the parent is making a legitimate query.

I had a CM who had to cancel a session so she could have an minor operation, it was reschedled by hospital and so very short notice. She asked to take it as paid holiday 'as otherwise it cost her money' instead as unpaid despite it being too late for her to give notice of a holiday. I went along with it but it seriously affected my judgement of her professionalism and I gave notice shortly afterwards as it was very tricky for me to pay both her and the replacement childcare fo that morning.

poppiesmom Tue 30-Oct-12 19:51:08

I do have leave left... i could take the whole day ... with the circumstances... i thought that doing most of the day would be more helpful to them... Maybe i shouldn't think about her situation... it's not my fault she's used all her leave ... i haven't... used all mine...

poppiesmom Tue 30-Oct-12 19:54:42

i know the situation is tricky.... but i was trying to be reasonable.... Guess i'm just gutted she felt the need to talk money.. within seconds... i do her load's of unpaid favour's... or should i say DID!!!!sad

littleducks Tue 30-Oct-12 19:58:53

I realise you have leave yet but how much notice do you need to give to take leave? I would expect more notice to take paid leave. This is something that should be clear in you contract.

fraktion Tue 30-Oct-12 19:59:25

You may have leave but do you have a minimum notice period for that?

It's not your fault this mother has used her allowance but she may have worked it out so she took her remaining leave over Christmas or something and not budgeted for this so late in the year.

Can you offer her a replacement? Do you know any CMs who could take a mindee for the afternoon on short notice?

bonhomiee Wed 31-Oct-12 00:44:43

sorry, is the funeral tomorrow?
Sorry to hear about your friends mum.
I think when you work you rely on childcare and can't just take leave, paid or unpaid, at short notice. If this happened to me I would be very stuck and have no alternative, I wouldn't be able to get leave for childcare only for illness or emergency.
As for the payment, she shouldn't pay if you are not working. Maybe this was just her way of expressing her irritation at you letting her down, or that she was stressed.

Greensleeves Wed 31-Oct-12 01:05:06

Maybe if it was your own mum or a close relative people would be more sensitive? Being let down for childcare at the last minute is very disruptive. Many people in other jobs wouldn't be able to take leave at short notice for the funeral of a friend's relative. The parent isn't doing anything wrong in not wanting to pay for childcare hours she will not be getting.

Pancakeflipper Wed 31-Oct-12 01:14:19

If a CM or a nursery informed me at short notice they couldn't provide the service I paid for and I would need to make alternative arrangements, I would have sympathy for their loss but I would expect them not to charge me.

AnitaBlake Wed 31-Oct-12 07:01:05

I think there's lots of factors at play here. I was in a very similar position last year with my employer, and negotiated as best I could, and got time off as holiday in the end BUT I knew that I might not be able to attend and would have had to deal with that. Did you explain that you needed the time off for a funeral in your message?

Your parents are paying for reliable childcare, I think given the length of notice you are giving you really need to compromise and agree a reduction in fees for the leave you want to take. If you later want to tighten up your fees structure then that is of course your choice, but I think all the best employment relationships are based on give and take on both sides, and recognising when this is appropriate. I think given the very short notice and non-negociable nature of the time off you are wanting, you might need to suck up the lack of pay.

As callous as it might sound, it probably would have been a different matter if it had been a close relative of yours (FWIW I took unpaid leave from an employer a few years ago to attend and help co-ordinate guests at my best friends funeral, my employers hands, while sympathetic were tied as to what they could offer me).

mellowcat Wed 31-Oct-12 07:10:16

I don't think you should charge any of the parents for the time that you are not offering. I totally get that you need to go, but they are buying a service that they won't be getting and may have limited other options for childcare.

mindingalongtime Wed 31-Oct-12 08:11:07

I had three funerals in 3 months, sad including a minded child's parent. All of my families were quite happy for me to take the day off and yes I was paid, but my colleagues all stepped in and looked after my minded children, do you not have any fellow childminders who would do so, you are supposed to have a back up minder, I am sure you could return the favour sometime?

PumpkinCarving Wed 31-Oct-12 08:40:13

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a minded child. sad sad
Some parents kindly took the day off so I could attend. I will not charge them.
Some parents couldn't find alternative care. I took their children and arranged for another childminder to cover while I was at the funeral.

poppiesmom Wed 31-Oct-12 08:51:25

Thank you all very much for your input.... The friends Mom... was like a mom to my husband and yes were were very very close.. My mom died 30 year's ago... and the friend is more like a sister than any of my siblings... Another long story...
However... off course i won't be charging any of my parents... In nearly 10 year's of service i have only taken 3 day's of sick.. But there is a time and a place to ask these thing's I feel... it won't have any bearing on her payment for the next 3 week's... i charge monthly in advance.... However i won't be raising any off these thing's as i'm in transition of a career change... I was just shocked by the lack of sensitivity....
Unfortunately this is not the 1st time the same parent's have had issues about payment... Off which i consider myself to be fairer than most.. as i do understand the implications of people going out to work and requiring reliable Childcare... One off my children has a very strong bond with one of their children and i do feel they exploit the situation ( My fault i know for having feelings!!! that's the problem when your a caring person... I'm sure i will get the comment's i should be professional and not emmossional.. but i do feel if your working with children from babies and you can be that cold then maybe your in the wrong profession!!!!)

PumpkinCarving Wed 31-Oct-12 09:05:10

It's not the money, is it OP?
If she'd said she was sorry for your loss or expressed an atom of sympathy but she didn't. She came straight back with a quibble about money.

My parents and all the employers that people have posted about were sympathetic. She was not and that's what's so hurtful, isn't it?
I can understand completely.

poppiesmom Wed 31-Oct-12 09:15:51

PumpkinCarving... Thank's... you have hit the nail on the head... never ceases to amaze me how they want to be your best friend when it suit's... But These Parent's... Are Just Money Money Money.... My other parent's have shown Sympathy and told me they are happy to pay as i've always given them a outstanding service and support if they need extra cover at short notice... But As i say no... i won't be charging...

To have compassion for peoples feelings at such awful time... Well You never know whats around that corner and when your going to need it do you...

poppiesmom Wed 31-Oct-12 09:17:19

PumpkinCarving... so so sorry for your loss... just read your post.... Hope your ok... well as much as you can be at these very sad times.. Hugs.. x

bonhomiee Wed 31-Oct-12 09:26:22

oh so you weren't going to charge, its just that she said she wouldn't pay before you told her, I see.
I don't think you should expect payment but I do think you should offer a back up plan, after all not everyone is allowed time off unless it is serious emergency.

poppiesmom Wed 31-Oct-12 09:30:54

Bonhomiee.... Exactly....
All my parent's have in my contract that i can arrange back up subject to their request....
Any time i'm offered before she's declined... (As have they all...) So she is fully aware of the back up...

When i was working... i alway's kept a few day's for such event's... isn't that just life being a parent to plan for anything???

bonhomiee Wed 31-Oct-12 09:41:21

I have plenty of days leave but I wouldn't be allowed to take them until going thru a lenghty process well in advance

poppiesmom Wed 31-Oct-12 12:02:44

She has used all her leave... i still have 2 week's left... How does she think she'll cover that????

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