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Nanny advice!

(17 Posts)
Heydoodledandy Thu 18-Oct-12 23:10:58

I have a nanny as i work part-time. She's very good with the kids and very experienced, so on that front we are really happy. The problem we have is that our children seem to be just fitting into her life! She drops my oldest off at nursery, then goes to visit her family or nanny friends with my 2 year old. Puts both DCs to nap early, so that she can take them to pick up her son from school at 3pm, and then takes her son back to our house where it seems the menu and activities are dictated by what he likes!! I have repeatedly mentioned the local groups I'd like the children to attend, that I don't like them spending most of the day been driven around, and that if possible I prefer them to have naps at the same time everyday, but it seems to go over her head. Recently I tried to be much more explicit, and when i spoke to her in the afternoon she said the kids had been really naughty and that she had to get cross with them (something that has apparently never happened before, so seemed unusual that it happened on the day that i first mentioned something). What do i do?? Its so hard to find a good nanny and its difficult to raise these points for fear of how it might impact their attitude towards the children, but quite frankly i feel like we are being taken advantage of - i pay more than half my salary to our nanny and it just feels like we are not getting the level of support that would be expected.

giraffesCantGoGuisingAsZebras Thu 18-Oct-12 23:12:47

sounds like she is taking this absolute piss.

Asmywhimsytakesme Thu 18-Oct-12 23:13:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giraffesCantGoGuisingAsZebras Thu 18-Oct-12 23:14:47

do you have a contract?

Heydoodledandy Thu 18-Oct-12 23:18:43

Yes we have a contract - took us a long time to find someone though and i'm seriously worried that we wouldn't find anyone better! We knew it was a risk taking on a nanny with their own child as obviously they have their own day-to-day responsibilities with their own home and child as every other mother has, but we thought since it was part-time that it would be easier for her to focus on what we needed!

AnxiousElephant Thu 18-Oct-12 23:19:14

I would probably not have taken on a nanny with own child tbh. I had a nanny who was fab. She did loads with dc and was lovely. If you are in paid employment then you should meet the needs of the client. Did you have any contract with her sorted? It sounds like you perhaps needed to ask deeper questions at interview. I would have been asking about her childs routine and whether it would be adapted. However, you knew she had a child and clearly if your children required naps at times which don't enable drop off or pick ups to be co-ordinated then she is not the nanny for you! Of course she has to put the dc to bed early or she would be late, which is no different from most parents of toddlers and school age children. Perhaps you need to relax with that.

AnxiousElephant Thu 18-Oct-12 23:20:42

I agree that the driving round and meals are taking the mickey.

annh Thu 18-Oct-12 23:25:27

Yes, AnxiousElephant, but it's one thing to put your own children to nap early in order to pick your own older child up. It's a completely different thing to be paid to do a job of looking after someone else's children and have them fit in with a routine which is not suitable for them in order to manage your own home situation.

Heydoodledandy Thu 18-Oct-12 23:27:18

I agree we knew the school situation would be coming ( her son hadnt started school when we hired her) but she has lots of family who live local to her sons schools who do drop offs and babysitting etc, so it just seems not quite right that our children are stuck in the car for a 40 min round trip to pick her son up from school when ( from what i understand anyway) a number of other members of the family could do it, including her husband who doesn't work. Question is - are we being way too soft and therfore being taken advantage off (cant see me getting away with it in my own job!) or are we asking too much, and is this the norm??

annh Thu 18-Oct-12 23:53:27

Yes you are being taken advantage of and no it is absolutely not the norm. I think it is difficult however as when she started she didn't have the school run so you presumably thought her husband would pick up their ds, she assumed you would be ok with her doing it and the subject was never actually discussed? Assuming her son has only started school this year, I think now (end of first half-term) would be an ideal time to have a chat about how the new timetable is working out - or in your case, not working out! I think you are going to really have to lay out a timetable with her e.g. Monday - here are the details of the toddler group which you must take dc2 to at 10 a.m., nap time 1.30 p.m. - or whatever you wish - and it's up to her to decide if she can work with this or not.

happychappy Fri 19-Oct-12 07:07:44

My children come to work with me some days but they are at school most of the time. My day is about the children I care for and actually my children end up fed up because they are at work with me and would prefer to be at home doing stuff at home. I bring food for them if (rarely) they eat there, as it is not reasonable to expect my employer to pay for this, more often than not I bring food enough for all. With picks ups, I only have one pick up to do and that cooinicides with nap time (so nap in the car). When the time comes then the bus it will have to be for DD. I am paid to do a job and I do it to the best of my ability, my children are my problem not my employer. If find your post rather annoying because your nanny is the reason why I have always found finding a job I want difficult. As soon as prospective employers know I have children I am always at a massive disadvantage. I even lost an amazing job because the salary was enough for my husband to stay home but because I have children (who are 10 and nearly 15 by the way) she did not feel I could fully commit to the job!!! My husband had intended to stay home and by mum so to speak.

This is one of the diferences of nannying to most other types of work. I have now been working with children for nearly 15 years but am hoping that I have another 2 years and can then leave the problems behind as well as the work. Unfortunately I love working with children but the conditions of work are just not good and will never change so sadly......

maturenanny Fri 19-Oct-12 07:51:04

Ditto happy chappy, nannies like that make it so hard for me to find a suitable job too and all nwoc. I have had a childminder for the last three years so that I can fully concerntrate on my charge as that's what I am paid for!
There have been occasions where I have been at my house but my boss is ok with this, we were having our bathroom done so had to be in for deliveries etc but if I do bring my charge home she eats what suits her and naps here in a travel cot if clashed with sleep time and we didn't then go until she woke up. Admittedly my charges activities are arranged on the three days I don't have my son but again that's fine by my boss, then on the other two days we do something suitable for them both.
In fact on the days I do have my son they play so beautifully I'm often a spare part! They are best of friends.
I am gutted to be leaving in just a week but looking forward to working with another family that understand my family needs but we are working as a team to find the best suitable solution and as a result I can now cope without my cm and use grandparents instead. Because they have been so flex about my ds, I'm going to work my socks off, it's the least I can do

Good luck

Heydoodledandy Fri 19-Oct-12 11:44:43

Reasurring to know - thanks. Don't get me wrong she's a really nice person and really good with the kids, lots of energy etc, its just that its obvious that her own routine takes priority. Out of interest whats with the whole nanny friend meet up?? When we interviewed we had so many nannies say they liked the job becuase they get to meet their nanny friends. I can underatand being with kids all day can leave you craving for adult company, but i don't think theres many jobs where you get to go and have coffee with your friends every day (i only wish i could stop for coffee in my own job!). I've seen groups of nannies out and about and they seem to sit chatting whilst the kids entertain themselves (sorry this is probably a generalisation and i know not representative of all nannies, its just the 'nanny groups' that i've seem locally) In theory i like the kids making new friends but sometimes wonder what i'm actually paying for!

LadyHarrietdeSpook Fri 19-Oct-12 11:47:59

Unless you are paying a very substantial discount for her time (and you need this to make a nanny affordable) I would look for an alternative.

Totally unacceptable way of behaving if she is getting in the region of £9 net - 10 p/h.

Karoleann Fri 19-Oct-12 11:54:13

She is taking the piss, but I'd give it a last try - if it doesn't work out maybe find someone to take over before you get rid of the current one.
I'd say something like - about the chat we had the other day, I just wanted to write to things we discussed down so that its really clear.
Then write it all down....
The children sleep's are at xxpm-xxpm.
On a monday I would like them to go to this playgroup
On a tuesday I have booked you in for (Monkey music for example)

maybe if she can then have one day which she can go to see her nanny friends.
You could also buy specific things for dinner and then just mention it in the morning.
Good luck

Ebb Fri 19-Oct-12 14:44:20

I say this fairly regularly on threads like these - taking your own child to work is a privilege not a right. Most nannies I know who take their own children to work, make doubly sure that they do above and beyond to compensate being allowed to take their child. Their children certainly do not come first when it comes to planning the day and activities.

You need to talk to your nanny. If her husband isn't working then he should be looking after their child. There is no need for her to bring him to work. I certainly never used to visit my family when I was working. I can understand the occassional visit as children tend to like to know about the nanny, where she lives etc. I would book a few classes for your 2 year old. I'm generally of the mindset that it's best to let the nanny plan her day but if it's being dictated by her child/schedule rather than in the best interests of your children then I think she loses that right.

She might be a good/experienced nanny but if you don't feel she's providing adequate care then you will end up resenting her and the relationship will fail. Set the boundaries and if she doesn't listen then get rid. It's an employers market at the moment and it would do your nanny well to realise that she's lucky to have a job, let alone one where she is allowed to take her child.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 19-Oct-12 18:16:58

yes nannies will meet up with other adults, some nannies/some mums/some dads/some cm's - seeing no one can be very lonely as a nanny and also good for children to meet up and learn to share/play with new toys -saying that the adults i see of the above, generally have the same age children to play with so is actually beneficial to them

the sleep routine seems normal to me for their age - pick up from nursery, give lunch, and sleep 1/3pm

things have changed now her son is at school and tbh if her dh isnt at work then he can do school pick ups

you need to sit down and re-discuss terms, and YOU as the employer can decide what SUITS YOU and offer the terms to the nanny, ie she can take to school, but not pick up for example,

are you paying her less then average rate as brings her own child?

did you discuss at interview how it would work with her own child?

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