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Controlled crying on mum's advice(15 Posts)
H, I am trying controlled crying for an 8 month old who won't settle for naps on Mum's advice. I used it with my DS who is all grown up now and it worked wonders. But this baby... no chance it would seem.
I have had her for a few months now and began by gaining her trust (as I have done with other babies) by using lots of cuddles and close time and letting her cling to me if she needed to. They usually gradually gain confidence to wriggle away as they start to feel comfortable in the setting.
She isn't an attachment baby or anything, mum has no problem putting her down. But when she's with me she just won't leave my arms. She has napped in a sling or on my chest but it is impossible to give the other children the attention they deserve when I am completely attached to this baby. Two of them (twin girls - 3 years old) have started complaining that I don't do things with them because the baby cries if I turn any attention away from her whatsoever. I was at my wits end, hence Mum suggesting controlled crying. We're on day two... I went in at 5 minuts, 10 minutes, 15 minutes and we're now at 18 minutes and she is screaming the house down even though i know she's tired..! Help!!!!! (no other children until Friday this week because of holidays so thought it a good time to try)
I'm about to take her out of the cot after 30 minutes of full on crying....
Which will mean it's all been for nothing...
Poor little thing. Sorry no advice but that all babies are different and this one sounds like she needs to be next to a warm human.
What does mum do at home
It she allows baby's to sleep on her then tbh you havnt got a chance in making this work
Both you and mum need to do the same
oh god how awful for the baby. I don't like CC but even if I did, I certainly wouldn't want it in a childcare situation. I hate the thought of my DCs being even slightly upset at nursery, but full blown crying without even me to console them, I can't even begin to imagine that.
It must be hard for you having her cling on to you like this though, so I do understand. Maybe its the age. 8 month is classic seperation anxiety time if I remember right. Maybe you just have to ride it out.
It is a hard situation though.
I have had a couple of little ones who were terrible to settle alone, but would happily sleep alongside another child, one who slept (still does occasionally at three), in a day cot in the middle of a noisy playroom, or even on the hearth rug, others who have slept with the radio on for "company", or watching a baby projector lamp making patterns on the ceiling. Maybe you could try some of those.
She isn't used to the cc by the sounds of it. Does mum do it at home? I couldn't stand listening to a baby be upset for so long, I'd have to give her a love.
Speak to mum tonight and get more details of what happens at home. Not healthy for a baby to be crying like that for so long surely?
Thanks for all the advice. Mum did controlled crying before she went back to work a few months ago and now leaves her to settle herself at bed and at nap times. She leaves her playing in front of the TV or on the floor in the kitchen while she cooks etc. She suggested CC because that's what she did and I got the impression she thought I was being soft not doing it and she said that she was worried that the little girl would start wanting cuddles from Mum again if she gets used to having it from me.
I gave up today and I know Mum will be disappointed. I couldn't stand the screaming, even with other children in the house. Maybe I need to get Mum to pop in one day when it's happening so she knows what its like!!
The 30 minutes I gave up at was after 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 and then 30... so 1 hour 45 minutes all together of screaming. God I hope she isn't scarred for life!
Can I sugest not going in at all when she's crying, its probably just confusing her or suggesting that her crying brings you back in again.
With all my three I just put them down and left the room and eventually they went to sleep (and none are scarred for life).
I have heard and read about what this parent calls controlled crying but 18 minutes is, in my view, far too long...the child must be getting very distressed as well as upsetting your routine and care for the others
Have you asked mum if you could approach the health Visitor for advice/ that would be my way of solving the problem
my dd didn't nap properly at nursery for the first 2 months at least (started at 6 months) she was just allowed to catnap and dose on a cushion/rug/in arms. eventually she started going down properly in a cot and sleeping like she did at home. I think the mother is being really unreasonable to expect you to do CC or to ensure she naps. why not get on with your day and accept she may be a bit knackered and screamy at pickup time (my dd would just zonk out in the car on the way home and we'd let her have 30 mins then play a bit and do bedtime). Will she sleep in a buggy? could you schedule a trip to the park/walk out in the garden/walk to playgroup at approximate nap time on some days and that way she's get a sleep.....
I had a mindee start with me at 8 months who would only fall asleep if someone sat next to her on the sofa and mum looked like I had slapped her in the face when I suggested trying cc at home! I used it with my dd and I strongly believe that children need to be able to self soothe but I wouldn't be happy doing cc with other children in the house as I would be worried about distressing them.
I used to put the mindee to nap in a swing chair, she would fall asleep immediately and I would then turn off the swing. She is now 2, is in a great sleep routine with no lasting ill effects. Can you try something like a swing chair?
Can't she nap in the buggy? My DS still naps in the CM's buggy and he has been going there for 15 months and he only ever slept in the cot there twice or three times. He had a hard time to settle to begin with so we let him nap in the buggy to avoid stressing him out. The CM simply rocks him to sleep after lunch and then he sleeps for an hour or so.
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