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Inviting nanny to DC's birthday party, yes or no?

(19 Posts)
fromheretomaternity Mon 24-Sep-12 23:15:57

DS is about to turn two. We've had a nanny for him (live out) since he was about 7 months. We're planning a small family party for his 2nd birthday (DH and me, grandparents, uncle, a couple of cousins).

My question is, should I invite our nanny? Obviously she is a huge part of his life so I feel I would like to include her - but I am worried that if I ask, she will feel obliged to come, taking a chunk out of her weekend, and also feel obliged to buy a gift.

Can any nannies reading this tell me whether they would want to be invited, and if so, how I should word it so she doesn't feel she has to say yes unless she really wants to?

McPhee Mon 24-Sep-12 23:17:21

I'd feel a bit sad if I wasn't

numptymark1 Mon 24-Sep-12 23:18:53

ooo definitely invite

she can always excuse herself if she doesn't want to be there but I'm sure she would be really pleased at the invite

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Mon 24-Sep-12 23:57:07

Yes you must def invite her!

I'd be really upset if I wasn't invited.

Just phrase it casually, 'we're having a little party for DS on Sunday, we'd love for you to be there, no worries if not though I know it's a bit short notice'

nannynick Tue 25-Sep-12 09:28:58

Invite them but make it clear that it is a social event not them working.
I would be surprised if your nanny isn't buying him a gift already - can't imagine I am the only nanny that buys birthday presents for children.

WickedGirl Tue 25-Sep-12 11:01:54

as a nanny (and childminder), I always buy gifts for the children that I am caring for. I have also been invited to birthday parties which I always enjoy hugely.

Do ask your nanny as I am sure that she would be upset if you didn't

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 25-Sep-12 11:22:43

what happened on ds 1st birthday? did she buy a pressie/did you have a party?

as nick said im sure she would be buying a gift anyway and possibly doing a little party with her nanny/mummy friends and children ds sees

and yes invite her, but say as holy did that as short notice you understand that she may not be able to make it

confusedpixie Tue 25-Sep-12 15:43:20

Definitely invite her, I'd be sad to miss my charges 2nd birthday party if she had one!

RE the gifts, admittedly I didn't do birthday gifts blush Each child has had a birthday with me there now, two a couple of weeks after I started (one I did know about but wasn't sure on whether I should or not and the other I didn't know about) and the other two were within a week of one another earlier this year which I also didn't know about! I still feel bad about it, two charges have birthdays coming up in Nov and I'm still unsure as to whether to buy gifts or not. I'm knitting them all Christmas presents though!

dinkystinky Tue 25-Sep-12 15:45:34

I always invite our nanny - she always says no (as its full of our friends as well as the kids friends and she feels out of place) - but it would feel wrong to not invite her.

nannyof3 Tue 25-Sep-12 16:34:50

Invite her !

The little boy i look after is getting christened and i havent had an invite.

Iv been there nanny for 14 months but looked after them as a nursery nurse for 3 years previously !!! sad sad

WakeyCakey Tue 25-Sep-12 18:14:36

When I used to be a Nanny going to birthday parties was one of the best perks! definitely invite her, tell her she doesn't have to get him anything nd she may reply oh i've already got him something.

I'd definitely be upset not to go, and everyone loves kids parties

eurycantha Tue 25-Sep-12 22:57:06

I have always gone to and also helped arrange parties/make cake s if asked.I went to the party of an ex charge who had his party just before leaving for Afghanistan and invited me .I see almost all the children I 've looked after on their birthdays in fact I went over today to see Max who was 18 today.

ORANGEgiraffesCantWearGOLD Tue 25-Sep-12 22:58:10

Would be very sad not to be invited.

SeventhEverything Tue 25-Sep-12 22:58:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zhx3 Tue 25-Sep-12 23:02:23

Can I jump on and ask a question of the nannies?

DD birthday is on a weekend, and in a soft play centre. Given that the adults would mostly be sat chatting whilst the children ran around or went to the disco or dining room - should I ask my nanny if she would like to go?

eurycantha Tue 25-Sep-12 23:10:08

I stand in the playground every day and chat with parents/ carers ,and arrange all playmates and when I go to the children's parties I certainly have a great time and know the other parents probably as well if not better than my employers.Are you worried that she will not chat to anyone ,because most nannies I know will fin d common ground with most people at a children's party.Nannies are usually quite outgoing.Please invite her .
Ido feel very sorry for the nanny not invited to the christening ,I'd be so upset not to be invited.

Ferrybridge Tue 25-Sep-12 23:20:49

Wakey, you were obviously made for it! Everyone does not love kids' parties grin

Yes invite her. Tell her exactly what you've told us. That you wanted to invite her, but don't want her to feel obliged. Saying you understand if she can't/doesn't want to come suggests (or would to me) that you don't really want her to come.

SavoyCabbage Tue 25-Sep-12 23:27:18

Definitely invite her and let her know that she will be an honored guest, and not working. Tell her it's OK if she's busy as she will need to feel as if she doesn't have to go!

I would be quite tempted to say something like "I will be finishing early next Wednesday so you can go home early" later on in the conversation if she says she can come. Just to even things out a bit. Not before though as it will sound like blackmail. Minefield!

She will probably really want to come though.

HappyAsEyeAm Wed 26-Sep-12 11:35:35

Whenever we've had a small party for DS, I've always said to our nanny that she is very welcome to come, but not to feel obliged to, as its her weekend.

She doesn't come, but I think thats because she organises a party for DS' birthjday herself, with her nanny friends and their charges, so she has celebrated DS' birthday and done her bit so to speak. Whish is fair enough.

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