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My nanny is taking the p**s and dont anyone try and tell me otherwise.......

(207 Posts)
3rdcornet Sun 05-Feb-12 17:14:07

Ive have emplyed 5 au pairs and 5 nannies. All of them bar 1 have taken the piss out of me to varying degrees.

The current so to be not one is a nanny/HK to my 2 teenagers. `fully ofsted registered and paid £26k a year live in ( in Manchester ).

I have discovered she is taking some ( not all ) of our laundry to the local ironing service and paying for it out of the kitty. Treating her self to lunch and coffee out of the kitty most days ( usually in Starbucks ) and shopping exclusively for her food for her self contained accomodation on the family credit card ( which is for work use only ) in Marks and Spencesr when she shops for the children in Morrisons and won't eat what they are eating.

On top of that she is she says too busy to do cleaning yet most days is somewhere other than my house in our car. I know this because we have randomdly popped home during the day and she is out in our car not hers and I can see where she has been using the credit card......35 miles in the opposite direction to the one school run she needs to do a day.

She also sneaks things for her own home through amazon on our account too. Ive found the delivery notes in the bin !!!

Dear God I feel a fool. I thought I could trust this one. The others have mainly been worse. The one before faked a family death to get a months compassionate leave and snuck off to America on holiday. She never came back !!

Oh well. You live and learn. I will never employ a nanny again Thank goodness and good luck and my commiserations to all of you who unfortunately still have no choice.

Im here for advice !!!!!!!Coz I got it so right !

mumbilical Sun 05-Feb-12 17:17:58

Why on earth would you need a live-in nanny for teenagers? That's really bizarre.

NatashaBee Sun 05-Feb-12 17:19:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

boredandrestless Sun 05-Feb-12 17:19:49

shock Why would anyone tell you she wasn't taking the piss?

Surely using your amazon account without your knowledge and permission to buy things for herself is theft/fraud??

Gincognito Sun 05-Feb-12 17:21:18

You're a little bit scary

<proffers thanks from behind table>

rubyslippers Sun 05-Feb-12 17:22:08

Well it sound like she is a nanny and a housekeeper (HK referred to in the OP). Either way, it's theft so she should be sacked

How long have you know about this?

I would have had a sit down the first time you noticed she used the work credit card for something unauthorised

Fraktal Sun 05-Feb-12 17:25:45

I would raise it purely do you can mention it on a reference. What does your contract say? Is theft gross misconduct?

Quattrocento Sun 05-Feb-12 17:30:01

There's something wrong with either your recruitment processes or your management (or both) I reckon.

This one steals and doesn't do her job. Unlucky. But the fact that 9 others have 'mainly been worse' sounds beyond bad luck, frankly.

It sounds as though you could just do with a good cleaner who will do the ironing etc, and maybe get a snack ready for the teenagers at teatime.

jimisayo Sun 05-Feb-12 17:30:40

@Fraktal The kicker is she can't mention any of this in a written reference since it's against the law to write a bad reference.

forward Sun 05-Feb-12 17:33:50

Or get the teenagers to do their own cleaning and snack making Quattro wink

HolyNoSheDittantBatman Sun 05-Feb-12 17:44:06

'She also sneaks things for her own home through amazon on our account too. Ive found the delivery notes in the bin !!!'

If this is for the accommodation you provide this is not 'her own home' and is not stealing as long as she leaves beind what she has bought. Of course she should have cleared it with you before she bought it, but this may be a bad attempt at using 'initiative' rather than theft.

'shopping exclusively for her food for her self contained accomodation on the family credit card ( which is for work use only ) in Marks and Spencesr'

What are your contract arrangement re. food? It is normal practice for a live-in nanny to have food provided. If you have set a budget of x amount per week, then I would think it would be up to her where she spends it/gets her shopping from?

I don't belive anyone can have this much bad luck with nannies/au pairs. You're either recruiting from a Young Offenders Prison or you're not telling the whole story.

Fraktal Sun 05-Feb-12 17:47:09

jim actually it isn't. A reference must be fair and accurate. It's unfair to raise something later that wasn't tackled at the time but saying 'X was dismissed for theft' is a statement of fact.

HolyNoSheDittantBatman Sun 05-Feb-12 17:51:56

Does the theft have to be proven for it to be put on a reference?

nannynick Sun 05-Feb-12 17:51:56

You gave her a credit card. Presumably you gave some rules to go along with that. You run the risk that someone will pay for things on the card which you do not permit - thus you need to manage it.

Having things delivered by Amazon to your home, would be normal - she's live-in. Paying for them on your account, not normal. However, Amazon send you an email when you buy something... so were you not getting those emails? You wouldn't need to find the delivery notes, as you would get told at the time of purchase if your Amazon account was being used. Maybe they had assigned your credit card to their Amazon account?

Teenagers do need someone quite often, not to look after them as such but more to manage their day, transport them to places. Sounds like the job might be more of a Housekeeper role with a bit of teenage management and ferrying around thrown in. It's probably not that an appealing job to many people, though some may like doing it.

What will you do now? Can you manage without having any live-in help?

Quattrocento Sun 05-Feb-12 18:04:59

I did have one bad au-pair experience. During the recruitment process I asked her if she had any health issues and whether she smoked. The answer to both was no. The reality was that she smoked like a chimney and had been sectioned twice as she was very emotionally vulnerable because her mother had committed suicide. She was perfectly dreadful with the children and never played or had fun with them.

That was one bad experience out of 3 aupairs and 1 nanny. All the others were fab and are still in touch with us now. Simply cannot believe in 10 bad experiences - where on earth are you getting them from?

annh Sun 05-Feb-12 18:16:32

Actually I think your recruitment process is seriously flawed if you have had 9 out of 10 bad experiences with nannies/aupairs. Why do you actually need a live-in nanny for two teenagers? What on earth is she doing with her time? And why are you paying her £26k, which is a whacking great salary for a live-in, to not do very much at all?

Instead of coming on here complaining about her, print out your account statement from Amazon, highlight all the purchases which are not yours, ask her where the items are and what they were for, and get rid of her! I don't understand why you need delivery notes, every purchase you have made is clearly detailed on your Amazon account. However, the only way she could make purchases from your account is is she knows your password or you leave yourself logged in - if so, more fool you.

When you set up the kitty, did you tell her you needed receipts in the kitty for expenditure? If not, why not? You have had 8 bad experiences in the past with childcarers. Was that not enough for you to tighten up procedures?

So what if she is buying her food from M&S? Did you tell her where to shop or how much you considered acceptable to spend per week/month? If yes and she has exceeded that, again, time to get rid.

LynetteScavo Sun 05-Feb-12 18:28:54

You have a live in nanny/HK because you can afford it.

They see you can afford it, and you haven't laid any ground rules, and for some reason they have no respect for you. (Have you specifically told them they are not to have lunch on your credit card? Starbucks is hardly The Ivy.)

You have either been really, really unlucky, or are very bad at recruiting and managing.

3rdcornet Sun 05-Feb-12 18:40:13

She has registered the work credit card against her own amazon account because she has occasionally bought stuff for the kids.

She came from one of the top nanny agencies with 20 years exp and good references.

Its all listed in the kitty and on the statements...I just havent taken enough notice to be honest. She has been with us 5 years and we trusted her like a member of the family.

DH and I have very busy jobs and just let her get on with it after she demonstarted she could be trusted.

honestly I dont think she thinks its theft. I think she thinks we can afford it and she deserves looking after !

She has a 26 point job description and a contract.

Im sure its my fault. I have a heart of gold and I just get taken advantage of.

Im not scary just disappointed !

HolyNoSheDittantBatman Sun 05-Feb-12 18:44:10

What sort of stuff has she bought on Amazon? Books, DVD's, an Ipod? Or a tin opener, a rug and some tupperware?

Fraktal Sun 05-Feb-12 18:44:43

Mmmm grey then if you'd given her permission to use the work credit card on her account.

If she'd done it without you knowing that would have been totally inappropriate.

Up to you how you proceed but you still need to have a sit down chat and point out that you're not happy about it.

LynetteScavo Sun 05-Feb-12 18:45:14

honestly I dont think she thinks its theft. I think she thinks we can afford it and she deserves looking after !

Im sure its my fault. I have a heart of gold and I just get taken advantage of.

Well, yes. You need to lay down ground rules at the very beginning. Live in jobs often have perks (travel, etc) which she may well be used to.

Make it clear that the only perk is her salary, and accommodation. Ask for money back for anything else she purchases on the family credit card.

coccyx Sun 05-Feb-12 18:46:31

On 26k she can afford to pay for her own Starbucks

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs Sun 05-Feb-12 18:49:55

Well if she's been with you 5 years you can't suddenly decide you don't like the way she's doing things and sack her for gross misconduct.

Make her redundant if you no longer need her, but you can't fire her outright simply because you've finally started paying attention to what she's telling you, it's not as though she's been lying about anything or doing anything behind your back.

nannyj Sun 05-Feb-12 18:50:37

I get a free flat with my job and would never buy anything for it unless my boss said it was ok. Not all nannies are dishonest and most are hard working. The ones I know anyway.

3rdcornet Sun 05-Feb-12 18:54:07

to be honest she has only started doing it in the last 3 months. Gradually the expenditure has racked up.

I sat down last night and went through the kitty and credit card statements and have pieced it all together.

Will have to tackle with her tomorrow.

Its time for a childcare rethink. Even though I have teenagers I cant leave them alone for long periods of time and we arent on a bus route so transport is a big issue .

DH works away for 3 months at a time ( oil industry ) and we have no family nearby.

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