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other nannies, what would you do?

(9 Posts)
taacrmachine Tue 11-Oct-11 15:05:06

I'm new to mumsnet so I'm not sure about all the abbreviations, here it goes.
looking after two boys, 2 and 4 1/2.
The 2yr old starts crying and screaming for parents if he is asked/told not to do something or if anything he does is discussed with him. I try to keep any conversation (unless about something dangerous) light, smiley and calm, but he still goes off the deep end. Anyone have any idea about how to stop this reaction, feel like any contradiction I make to his behaviour makes me out to be a monster!
The 4 yr old is having some behavioural issues in school, he started in september and theres been a few incidents already. when with me, he ignores me, insists he is right when I ask him to do something, along with various other forms of back chatting, violence towards his brother (biting, hitting etc). He can be well behaved, I've seen it and rewarded it but as soon as he is praised for good behaviour, he does something horrendous.
Not sure if he was like this with his old childminder, if he was, she shielded his parents from it.
I know what plan of action I would suggest to his parents but I would love some opinions, as you can imagine it is a touchy subject.

longjane Tue 11-Oct-11 16:00:54

Are you nanny or childminder?

How much do you need this job?

lesstalkmoreaction Tue 11-Oct-11 17:20:12

You need to speak with the parents, but its possible you will be banging your head against a brickwall. It will depend on how the parents handle the behaviour at home or if they are in denial.
You need to make it very clear what behaviour is acceptable, perhaps you could get the older child to help you do a list of what behaviour you don't want to see, nothing wrong with having a list of rules that you can follow especially if you are a childminder, this is your home and your rules.
I would also update your behaviour policy with the list of rules and have it displayed, you could discuss them with the parents and get them on board as well.
Otherwise with the nights getting darker its going to be a long winter!!!

lesstalkmoreaction Tue 11-Oct-11 17:21:49

You could also have a thinking corner(time out) set up as well, gives everyone time to calm down and make the situation safe.

taacrmachine Wed 12-Oct-11 12:50:55

Hi everybody, I'm a Nanny and have moved around my entire life for this job. I definitely need it!
I like the idea of sitting the eldest down and doing a list as an activity, I can imagine that working really well. At the moment I only time out for violence, but if I did the list i suppose it would be easier to implement consequences for unacceptable behaviour.
I am going to sit down with the parents, I think we all need to be on the same page and give the children consistent boundaries. I think one of them is completely aware and on board but I'm going to struggle with the other.

longjane Wed 12-Oct-11 17:07:24

as you are nanny
you need to get parents on board now !
because you really cant do anything they would not do .
if you are going to struggle with one parent I would start looking for another job.
good luck you are going to need to methinks

taacrmachine Thu 13-Oct-11 09:11:31

thanks longjane, sitting down with them tonight.
after a particularly bad day yesterday, I think they are both on board for change and fingers crossed we'll get some.
thanks for everyones help, especially because I thought my expectations where too high and that maybe it was just the norm. I see that it definitely isn't.

longjane Thu 13-Oct-11 12:40:15

how did it go?
not to bad I hope ?

taacrmachine Thu 13-Oct-11 13:29:01

meeting is tonight. fingers crossed! I'll let you know smile

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