Advanced search

This topic is for discussing childcare options. If you want to advertise, please use your Local site.

Changing Childminders Tactfully

(17 Posts)
Iorek Mon 03-Oct-11 21:32:47


A friend wants to change her childminder but does not want to offend. Does anyone have any ideas how to do this?

She just feels like a change, and that a change would be good for her child.

Thanks so much

squinker45 Mon 03-Oct-11 22:20:30

Aha well people get offended for all sorts of reasons. Doesn't sound like a great reason to change though, if she just feels like a change. Is there something the cm does / doesn't do that she has a issue with? cos it might be best to come clean with the cm so she can have a look at how she does things.

thebody Mon 03-Oct-11 22:23:11

'she just feels like a change'.. sorry what about her child, hasnt she built up a realtionship with the cm??

your friend sounds like she is dealing with her hairdresser and feels like a change???

how strange, however if SHE wants a change then give notice as contract states.

what a bizarre post

Iorek Mon 03-Oct-11 22:38:55

with respect, the question is not about her reasons for wanting to change.

i appreciate your input though, thanks

HSMM Mon 03-Oct-11 22:47:20

Just give notice. References or reasons would be nice for her minder.

thebody Tue 04-Oct-11 10:31:15

sorry didnt mean to appear rude but just suprised that your friend hasnt seemed to have built up a solid relationship with her cm, or for that matter neither has her child, if she feels like this she should definatly give notice, how sad though for all concerned.

squinker45 Tue 04-Oct-11 14:17:29

Sorry but the reasons are all tied up with the offending, which is what the op was asking about. How not to to offend someone if you want to change childminders for no reason other than a change? Wouldn't offend me but i might be puzzled, and maybe paranoid that the reason given was a false one.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Tue 04-Oct-11 14:34:54

I'd be offended if someone just "fancied" changing from using me to using someone else. I would worry that I had done something to upset/offend/cause concern. I would expect it to be discussed with me and notice given in writing as stated in our contract.
How odd.

lynniep Tue 04-Oct-11 14:45:33

well I'm changing my childminder for various reasons, the main one being that she has a tiny little house and rarely takes the kids out of it, although I have suggested it several times.
The problem is I dont think she can cope with a group of little ones on her own outside - she's getting on a bit and can't run around after them. Now the weather is getting colder I dont think DS2 will EVER get outside which means he's cooped up 10 hrs a day and he will go stir-crazy because hes' mega-active.
I also had to remove DS1 before he started reception because he was refusing to go because she has 'rubbish toys' and 'theres no one to play with'. In that situation I just told her he was unhappy with no-one his age there.

I would never dream of saying anything about this other than what I suggested already, so DS2 is moving on. Its best for him to have a lot more stimulation and exercise than he gets there, and I dont think he's particularly attached to her.

We have no contract either word of mouth or written, but I gave her a months notice out of courtesy (and she'll be getting a little present on his last day). She's a neighbour and I have no intention of upsetting her (although she is upset, I can tell) I told her that the other childminder takes my DS1 after school so its more convenient they are both in one place. It didnt mention that DS1 is there on a different day. If she just wants a change, then she needs to use a 'practical' reason/excuse such as 'this cm does so and so hours, or accepts funding or includes meals' or something along those lines.

stomp Tue 04-Oct-11 16:45:33

So your friend Iokek is doing it because she feels it is the best thing for her child- the child should always come first. The childminder may be offended but if its for the good of the child then that is what the mother has to do. If it happened to me and I was given enough notice (4 weeks) or paid in lieu of notice then I wouldn’t be offended (maybe ever so slightly )……I think we all acknowledge that not every setting suits every child….although we try very hard to meet the needs of a child sometimes it doesn’t work…..has mum a particular worry and has she discussed it with the childminder? Its not losing children that upsets childminders, it’s the way it comes about- such as non payment, inconsiderate behaviour, disappearing ‘overnight’. Transition between settings (childminders/nursery/school) can be a very positive experience but only if the setting and parent works together and includes the child fully- and the childs emotional needs are at the forefront of their minds- not just an afterthought or not even considered.

Ripeberry Tue 04-Oct-11 17:58:48

Lynniep, is your CM a registered CM? If not, you cannot call her a CM and I'm very surprised that you will leave your kids with someone who does not have a contract in place and I suppose there is no insurance either? hmm

sunnydelight Wed 05-Oct-11 00:37:59

I think if she doesn't want to offend she needs to come up with a sensible reason. I moved DS2 from a lovely CM when he was 2 because I got a place at a nursery I really liked. I told my CM that while I appreciated the wonderful care she had given him, now he had turned 2 I would prefer a nursery setting for the space/stimulation/variety etc. I think she was probably slightly miffed but I gave her a great present and left on the "if it doesn't work out he's welcome back" basis which is always good.

"I fancy a change" sounds like your friend isn't totally happy with what's being offered, but not specific enough for a CM to actually take the feedback on board and maybe do something so as not to lose a child in the future. Change of circumstances (financial, family etc.) is always an ok reason to give notice, proximity or anything that could affect drop off/pick up is reasonable. Do remember that CMs tend to have a good local network so tell your friend not to lie then place the child with another local CM if she really doesn't want to offend. Also do the decent thing and give the correct notice period.

thebody Wed 05-Oct-11 13:37:07

LYNNIEP.. if you have no contract then she is obviously NOT A REGISTERED CHILDMINDER so please dont refer to her a one. she is not a childminder at all just a neigbour so of course you wouldnt be happy with the care..

if she isnt registered then she isnt insured so maybe its been a good thing for your child that she doesnt drive him around..

we on this thread work bloody hard to get and stay registered, we run our own businesses and pay tax, have to satisfy Ofsted and work to the EYFS guidelinesfrankly amazed that you would use unregistered child care and then complain about it on here, what did you expect.

sorry to come across so bolshy but its very frustrating for registered cms to be lumped with 'just a neigbour' who minds the kids...

trish3717 Wed 05-Oct-11 17:06:40

Hi there, just picking up on sunny delights comment, I am a cm, on a local meet up with other cms i got chatting to one who mentioned that she recognised one of my children as one that had visited her at the weekend to ask about spaces.....I was very surprised and not sure what to do i confronted mum who was very sheepish and said she was just looking around(she didnt move her!!) after that our relationship was never the same and the other cm was cross because she had given up her Saturday to see this family!!! We do have lots of friends and meet other cms so so a good reason may be a good idea before changing or meeting up with other cms, she is lucky she has a choice there are only 2 cms in my town spaces are like gold dust!!

lynniep Wed 05-Oct-11 17:57:16

Not having a contract doesnt mean she isnt registered, she is. She might not be a great CM because of this (and other things), but she got a 'GOOD' rating on her last inspection - I did check it out.

You are being bolshy thebody, and making an incorrect assumption so please dont tell me how to refer to her - plus I'm perfectly entitled to complain about an issue wherever I want, especially since I was answering the OPs thread, not inititating my own. I do understand why it got your back up, but she isnt JUST a neighbour who minds kids.

I wasnt aware we NEEDED a contract - again one more reason to move DS, because she should have provided one, but DS is there because she came recommended by a friend and I liked her. A contract never occured to me - possibly because she is a neighbour and the lines were blurred for me, and I'd not used a CM before. I dont know why she doesnt have one, to protect herself if nothing else - I suspect its because shes lax more than anything, but I may bring it up on DS last day this week.

At the end of the day, we tried it and I'm not completely satisfied with her care - I'm therefore moving him to another CM who is hopefully brilliant. End of.

ChildrenAtHeart Wed 05-Oct-11 19:08:38

'A written agreement' (aka contract) is a requirement of the EYFS welfare requirements & therefore by not providing one the CM is breaking the requirements of her Registration which could invalidate her insurance. Having a Contract is there to protect both parties.

OP I would agree with the main consensus on here - your friend could just cite 'change in circumstances' to her CM if their relationship is fairly formal, or if she is unhappy with the care or terms try to discuss this with the CM. If they have a reasonable relationship I think she should be honest with the CM whether the reason is good or bad.

Ripeberry Wed 05-Oct-11 19:46:09

Well, if you have no contract, you don't have to pay any notice period smile
But I'm sure you now know what to expect from registered CM's and a contract is there to protect both parties.
If your neighbour is registered she'll need to pull up her socks, hope she was not minding over her numbers, maybe that would explain the lack of a contract? hmm

Hope you find a new minder soon.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now