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OK, CM question that may be really dense, but be kind!!!....

(33 Posts)
Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 12:50:41

...ds2 (3 in 3 weeks) is NOT settling at nursery at all - crying, genuine distress, waking in the night and then yesterday vomiting sad

He was only doing 2 mornings per week and has only done 2 sessions and its a disaster.

So, am thinking maybe a CM would be a better option for him? He has 2 years til he starts school so dont think it matters that he isnt at nursery yet.

My question is;
Do CM's provide the 15 hours free care from the term after age 3 that nurseries/pre-schools do? As I said, this is probably a very dense question but I have no experience of this.

Should add that I really dont want to push ds2 re; nursery as I did with ds1 and deeply regret it.


mamamaisie Tue 13-Sep-11 13:08:47

Some childminders do offer it but at least in my area there are not many. The requirements for each council are different but around here you have to be graded as good or higher by Ofsted, you have to have done an NVQ3 in childcare and be part of a childminding network. I have heard that it can be quite a lengthy proces.

It is worth calling around though as you might find someone who can offer it.

minderjinx Tue 13-Sep-11 14:03:17

It's hard, but two sessions isn't much of a trial - maybe he was a bit under the weather anyway. Personally I'd give it a bit longer, maybe try the bribery card - offer to take him to soft play, park, favorite lunch - whatever works for him - right after nursery, praise him to the skies for being such a big brave boy. If you can't bear to go straight back, maybe leave it a week and try again. He may also be picking up on your own anxiety or ambivalence. Is he used to having you around all the time or okay being left with friends and family? If not, settling in any other setting could take a while.

An0therName Tue 13-Sep-11 14:53:43

at nearly 3 I would persist with nursery -unless you don't need him to go - in that case maybe give it a break - bribes often work

thebody Tue 13-Sep-11 14:57:34

am cm but totally agree with last two posts, 2 sessions isnt near enough to say he will never settle, if you chop and change now then he will learn to manipulate the situation and probably be the same with a cm.

really heard but if it was my child(been there) pesist and best of luck

nannyl Tue 13-Sep-11 15:53:52

agree with others... far too early to give up yet.

if anything increase his sessions to 3+ a week if you can, until he settles (which im sure he will).

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 18:35:30

Thanks for your replies.

I am a sahm so no, I dont have to leave him there.

Can I ask then, IYE, what should a parent do with a child that is so hysterical they vomit everywhere when the parent tries to leave them in your care???? Also, if the same child is waking at night crying that they dont want to go???

Because to say..."oh, keep trying" seems bit simplistic to me sad

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 18:36:34

sorry, should also have replied to a question - he has only ever been with me (and dh and his dbro) and GPs who look after him regularly.

pinkytheshrinky Tue 13-Sep-11 18:40:07

But what if he does this when he starts school? I think you should try for longer because you are setting a precedent - sorry if that sounds harsh but i would try again. Has he been around other children? Toddlers groups, soft play and stuff?

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 18:42:54

Yes pink he has, but I have been around/available at those sorts of places.

Its strange, he loves other children and I would have said he was ready (dh strongly disagreed and now thinks he was right obv)

Dont want to make a mistake...did with ds1 and I bitterly regret not going with my gut instinct back then sad

RitaMorgan Tue 13-Sep-11 18:46:32

He's not even three - if he doesn't need to go don't send him.

I don't agree at all that you are setting a precedent! Almost 3 is very different to almost 5, starting school is half his life away. He's not going to refuse to start Reception on the basis that 2 years ago you didn't make him go to nursery when he didn't want to.

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 18:48:46

thanks rita

Knackeredmother Tue 13-Sep-11 18:50:18

If you are a SAHM why do you need to send him anywhere?
If he wants to be with you why not let him?

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 18:53:27

knackered Your name is very apt!!! Its because I am knackered!!! blush But you are right and my gut instinct tells me he is not ready....well, that and all the vomit sad

squinker45 Tue 13-Sep-11 18:54:53

This very thing happened with my niece at nearly 3. She screamed the place down and made herself ill with it. Dsis didn't send her again and she started school last week, no problems, bye-bye mummy and a wave.

When I was little i didn't go anywhere until school, and I was fine.

iskra Tue 13-Sep-11 18:56:59

I think it's totally okay for you to want a break. It does sound like he is struggling with it at the moment though. He might find a childminder setting easier - more like being cared for at home/at GPs - but you could give him a little while before you try it again. They change so much at this age!

Our (lovely, lovely) childminder did do the free 15 hours. You're not in south London are you btw?

RitaMorgan Tue 13-Sep-11 18:59:01

Does he get his free hours in January? You could even just try stopping for now and having another go then.

HoneyPablo Tue 13-Sep-11 18:59:31

I am a nursery nurse and have lots of experiemce. For lots of children, 2 mornings a week is simply not long enough. He sounds as if he is finding it too traumatic at the moment. if he doesn't need to go, then don't send him yet. Wait a while till he is developmentally ready.
I have seen lots of children who are too upset to engage with anything at nursery. They spend the whole session crying, upset and fearful. Most parents stick it out because they need their child in nursery because they work. Sure, the children do settle, but sometimes it can take weeks or even months. We try to play it down if we can sense the parent feels guilt because of having to use a nursery.
I disagree about setting a precedent. In a few months time he will be older, more in control of his feelings and more able to express them. You are more likely to set a precedent for him to be hard to leave, which can continue well into the school years.
Wait until he is older and he will get so much more out of nursery when he is confident and happy in his surroundings.

cat64 Tue 13-Sep-11 19:02:00

Message withdrawn

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 19:07:31

honey thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to post your experiences and for your honesty. I am in the process of being dx with RA so if I am honest was hoping for a bit of a break and I really genuinely thought he would like it! Your advice is very sensible, thanks again.

iskra I am in the east mids and a lovely CM I know sadly doesnt do the 15 hours from age 3 sad

rita He should get his allowance of 15 hours from January next year - he is due to start school in Sept 2013 (small village school he knows well as his dbro and cousins go there).

Thanks again all who have replies so far, its really helping me see the wood for the trees smile

ChitChattingWithKids Tue 13-Sep-11 19:08:09

If you need a break, why not see if you can get a Mother's Help for a couple of mornings a week instead? Maybe being looked after in your own home by someone else will make it easier for your DC. After a few times you could go out for an hour or so, maybe get your hair done (Oh the luxury grin!).

A double benefit in that you don't have to waste time getting them ready and dropping them off at nursery/CM, and the mother's help would be able to help with a few simple chores.

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 19:11:10

A mothers help?

Sorry, being dense again blush What is that and how does it work??? Do they do ironing???? <<becaroooo hopes desperately>>

How do you get one? Is it a local council thing??? Advertise??

ChitChattingWithKids Tue 13-Sep-11 19:14:09

A Mother's help is exactly that, someone to help you!

They can be a mum whose children are in school and wants a few hours of work during the day, a new nanny who is willing to take on some housekeeping work combined with nannying to get experience, a university student (especially a childcare student), someone's au pair looking for a few more hours of work, a housekeeper who is also good with children. Very broad range of people who would qualify!!!

And yes, they could do ironing if that's what you want!!!!! smile

ChitChattingWithKids Tue 13-Sep-11 19:15:23

Try Gumtree;, the other mums forum, a notice up in your local shop window, a community newspaper.

Becaroooo Tue 13-Sep-11 19:16:45

ooohhh...thanks I will!

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