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What would you do?

(31 Posts)
boombangabang Mon 22-Aug-11 19:35:38

I am a cm and have quite a long garden with a fence at the bottom that you can see through. We have neighbours across the road who often come up to the fence to say hello to my little boy - they normally don't speak to the mindees, i assume because they know the parents aren't there to approve or not. Anyway that's what happens - they spend a few minutes exchanging loud shouts of hiya! at my 2yo, and laughing.

The thing is these neighbours are a bit sort of simple, and one is definitely special needs, and they do look a bit scruffy and sort of dodgy if you're not used to them. One of my mindees mums was there today when the neighbour came right up to the fence and shouted Hiya! before he noticed she was there and sort of ran off. She was obviously very disturbed by it, and kept saying what a wierdo he was and does it happen a lot and everything. DO I have to tell the neighbours not to do this?

gailpottertilsleyplatt Mon 22-Aug-11 19:39:10

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Stars22 Mon 22-Aug-11 19:43:52

I think it depends on whether they are a nuisance to you or not? not really whether they are in a different social class to your mindees parents. If they annoy you and you dont like it then yes i would say something, if not then dont. What harm can a few little children saying hello do?

boombangabang Mon 22-Aug-11 19:43:54

Really? That's a bit harsh, was only garnering opinion....I didn't realise it would annoy so much, I do apologise. (Sods off)

boombangabang Mon 22-Aug-11 19:45:21

I like the neighbours, we get on fine - no problem with them whatsoever, but thought maybe someone might know if Ofsted will find this dodgy, or if parents would find it off-putting for business.

nannynick Mon 22-Aug-11 19:53:05

Well one of the parents of your mindees found it off-putting, so there is a chance that others might.

Not sure you can do much to stop your neighbours doing it though... you get on with them, they say hi. It's not really an issue, it's not as though they are leaping over the fence.

Pamplemoussse Mon 22-Aug-11 20:19:11

As a professional, you really ought to know that a person is NOT ''special needs'' but has special needs, your equality training needs a brush-up; think about the terms you use when you talk to the children about people with differing needs.

And what Nick said

HSMM Mon 22-Aug-11 20:28:53

Our next door neighbour pops in every so often with his Grandson, because the Grandson pesters him to come and feed our fish. It's a bit odd, but I have explained to all the mindees parents and they are quite happy as long as their children are closely supervised by us. Whether or not he has special needs is irrelevent I think, as long as mindees parents know the score.

boombangabang Mon 22-Aug-11 20:58:37

Ok, sorry about the way I may have phrased the bit about special needs, I realise tone of voice is everything and I don't know you people so I can't go being 'ironic' in front of you all..... I actually have an MA in special needs and was a special needs teacher before I was CM, and before that worked with all kinds of special needs people young and old. Also was the equality and diversity officer at the school I worked in delivering diversity training, so no need for a brush-up, I was just being lazy and apparently offensive in a bit of a rubbish way.

Like I said, I really like them but they do look very dodgy from an outsiders perspective, and I was really trying to get across how much my mindees mum was worried about it. I didn't want to say to her, 'Oh don't worry about them, they are just a bit over-friendly' While they were still within earshot, in case it offended them...but didn't want customers to think we have wierdo neighbours either. I think I will just tell the mindees mum that they are ok really (didn't get a chance to at the time)

gailpottertilsleyplatt Tue 23-Aug-11 07:15:20

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

anewyear Tue 23-Aug-11 08:22:25

Having a bad morning gailpotter?

'Now sod off' charming....NOT

gailpottertilsleyplatt Tue 23-Aug-11 09:27:36

Having a lovely morning thanks, anewyear hmm

But I won't tolerate people who are offensive about people with disabilities and then lie try to justify themselves. However, if it doesn't bother you ...

apotomak Tue 23-Aug-11 09:30:06

How quick was the mother to judge our neighbours ... and you said nothing? I would have explained the situation saying they are a bit eccentric but don't do any harm and your son likes saying hello to them. We all come in different shapes, sizes and abilities.

Tanith Tue 23-Aug-11 11:41:19

Gail, Pamplemoussse was challenging inappropriate language: she told the OP which words she objected to and corrected her with the acceptable phrase.
Your first post was just plain rude and aggressive. You said nothing about offence until this morning, when you were also rude to someone else.
Maybe you should take your own advice until you can interact pleasantly with other posters.

anewyear Tue 23-Aug-11 14:24:47

Tanith is right,
rather than being rude to the OP, why not have given her some idea of what she could have said/say in the future to the mother of the child?

And as for 'however if it doesnt bother you', oh please hmm

TheOriginalFAB Tue 23-Aug-11 14:27:00

Is calling someone "simple" accepted now?

sad

anewyear Tue 23-Aug-11 15:26:49

Of course its not Fab.
But is it acceptable to be down right rude to people?
I dont think so.
Why not just point out the error of her ways and try and help.

After reading some of the replies she got from people on here, I certainly wont be posting on this forum for help in future.

gailpottertilsleyplatt Tue 23-Aug-11 18:39:01

My posts were rude and agressive?????

MNHQ have frequently tolerated offensive language towards disabled people and, sadly, are doing so on this thread. The OP knew exactly what she was saying.

boombangabang Tue 23-Aug-11 19:31:54

I did feel bad about not defending them immediately apotomak, but saw the mother today and I said that my son had started it by shouting Hiya! through the fence at them several months ago. She was not at all happy about the situation and told me she was frightened of them harming her boy....sigh.

I would like to say that I really regret my choice of phrasing in the OP, but i was trying to be descriptive rather than offensive. Also, not lying about the sen teaching or the equality and diversity bit, but obviously I wouldn't have got the job had the OP been in the application form....

As a professional I do know exactly how it may have come across to some people and I apologise for any offence given (but not taken, as that's your choice). Anyhow I am duly shamed.

And yes, gailpottertilsleyplatt, your posts were rude and aggressive.

anewyear Tue 23-Aug-11 19:57:19

so challenge MNHQ then, gailpotter.

Instead of having a go at those who dont/should know better in your opinion, EDUCATE them.
There is, IMO, no need to rude to others.

greenbananas Tue 23-Aug-11 19:59:33

I'm a very new childminder, so perhaps not qualified to comment, but boombangabang, bless you for being big enough to come back on here and admit that you got the terminology wrong (okay, so using "is" not "have" is a fairly surprising mistake from somebody with an MA, but sadly we do all make mistakes with language sometimes - it changes so often, and it's hard to keep up with, no matter how much we genuinely want to treat everybody with equal respect).

It seems clear from your posts that you both like and respect your neighbours. You seem okay with them chatting to your own son, so I guess you are sure they aren't dangerous in any way. How sad that your mindee's mum is scared!

Some people do see life in 'simple' terms (whether or not they have special needs!!!)

e.g.
- Waving at child = making child happy... this is 'simple' in a good way.
- Neighbour looks as if he/she might 'have special needs' = will be dangerous to my child... this is 'simple' in a very, very bad way!!

My feeling is that you need to make it clear to parents that you respect everybody (regardless of their abilities / background!), and that you will not prevent your mindees from coming into contact with your neighbours through the fence. You can reassure parents that mindees are supervised in the garden at all times.

gailpottertilsleyplatt Tue 23-Aug-11 20:03:54

oh do be quiet, anewyear.

lisad123 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:04:43

Wow didn't know that lower social class plus having a SN = weirdo angry
OP I too find your post quite offensive, and clearly this mindees mum has a stick up her bum too! They are kids, that's all you needed to say "yes they are very friendly children next door". They are learning great social skills, maybe they could teach you a few, especially about not judging confused

lisad123 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:06:15

How on earth could they harm her little boy??? hmm
SN must now = superpowers but only for bad things! grin

harrietthespook Tue 23-Aug-11 20:54:35

The mindees mother sounds a bit...well barking and hard work OP. Does she have a debilitating case of PFB? "Hurt my son..." FFS.

I think it's her and I wouldn't worry about what "others" thought of the situation with the neighbours. Next time - if there is one- I would do what GBananas suggested. I don't think this is likely to affect your business...

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