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Need some advice - my mindee bites the other mindees!

(10 Posts)
CrazyBabies Wed 10-Aug-11 10:25:46

Hi - I really need some advice here as I haven't any experiece with biting!
I haven't been minding this family long. 2 mindees, one 2.5, one 1.5. Mindee bites sibling nearly every day, now mindee has started biting another mindee!
It happens any where on the body - back arm and even the face!
Parents are fully aware and seem to be so used to older child doing it to younger never seem very surprised or shocked when I say.
But on Monday this mindee bit another mindee on face and arm for the first time. So far mindee has only done it to sibling.
I felt really bad for the other parents but am worried now it could become a regular thing as I spoke to the childrens old cm and she said watch out - mindee may start to bite other children in my care.
Like I have said this child bites sibling every day. I only mind for 2.5 days and have only looked after family for a few weeks.
Apart from the biting, the child is lovely.
As a childminder I feel responsible for protecting the other children - some bites are very deep and the facial ones look horrid. I am worried that I can't actually make the child stop!

pippin26 Wed 10-Aug-11 12:55:33

Biting happens for a multitude of reasons - it feels nice to the biter (sensory), overwhelming emotion they don't know what to do with (out of love, frustration), problems with teeth/jaw, learned behaviour, done it once and got a 'good' response......

whatever though it needs nipping in the bud and quickly.

Often though its just a phase thankfully and its how we deal with is the crux of the issue.

First of all you and parents HAVE to be on the same page in dealing with this to get quick results. Particuarly for the safety of your business - there are only so many times other parents of the children will 'understand' a bite.

I think you need to make some observations of this child to see if there are any triggers. Get parents to rule out any problems with the teeth/jaw with a visit to the dentist. Get the parents to tell you when THEY think its happening and why and see if you can come up with any links.
But above all, I think you need to be proactive with this child and whereever you go - they go.. including the bathroom. The child cannot be left alone with the other children and you must be ready to intervene quickly.
If they do succeed in biting - place that child to one side with a firm no biting and tend to the wounded, ignoring the biter. I presume its the older child who is biting, therefore you need to keep the explanation simple and quick - biting hurts, no biting. Get them to say sorry to the bitten.
This is going to test you to the limits - this child cannot be allowed to be alone ever with another child and you have going to have to be so so vigilant.

CrazyBabies Wed 10-Aug-11 15:05:42

Pippin26 - thank you so much for the advice. It makes so much sense, and I will definately be taking the child everywhere with me!, and keep a note of my observations!
Do you think a sticker chart for positive behaviour would help. Not mentioning the biting, but rewarding for all the good behaviour and giving lots of attention for that.

trace1962 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:41:08

I am a minder going through exactly the same thing. One of my mindees is 18 months old and continually bites. My advice is this, use the naughty step ( yes I know some will say that a child of that age is too young to understand, but my mindee does, so I use time-out. I also know the triggers now so am very aware when he will go for another child. He also bites on the face, back arm and chest. I use a lot of eye contact and keep reminding him by firmly saying NO BITING ( and he does understand). and I never leave him unattended. If I leave the room I use buggy or travel cot. I have one particular child that is always getting bitten as he is very quiet. IN the end I stopped this by getting him to bite back (don't jump on my back,!! this poor child is innocent and has been going home with terrible bite marks) and the parents are getting fed-up and I understand this. So now, the biter has been bitten back, understands this hurts and has not done it again, and my my other little one is finally standing up for himself.

littlemoominmamma Sat 13-Aug-11 19:51:10

hi, i am going through the same with my one year old mindee and it is a nightmare! she is also hiting, eye gouging and pinching. when she bites she "locks" her jaw and i have to put my fingers in her mouth to open it (she has an amazing set of teeth for a one year old). It is being done impulsively so there are no triggers.

This has been getting worse for 6 weeks now since i informed parents and nothing has been done as they firmly believe it is a normal behaviour that she will grow out of. I am very concerned for the safety of my mindees and my own children : ( don't know what to do.

thebody Sun 14-Aug-11 21:21:24

God awful, I have a 1 year old who has bitten the other 1 year old just once thank goodness, parents of biter were horrified and parents of bitten were very understanding BUT dont think they would be again and I dont blame them. as a parent I would be pretty hacked off if my child was continually bitten..

I took the biting very seriously, said NO very loudly and then strapped child in the pushchair.(she hates this) at once.. i always make sure she is with me at all times, if in the kitchen then in a high chair...

I watch like a hawk in the double buggy but it is a constant source of worry and concern.. i think if it began to happen regulaly i would ask the biters parents to buy me a second hand 'one behind the other double buggy' to use for trips out because it happened in the side by side buggy and I cant afford to get another one..

it is a horrible phase though and its very difficult to intercept if there are no recognisable triggers..

thebody Sun 14-Aug-11 21:22:57

sorry last poster thats awful, if parents not disciplining her and treating it as 'normal behaviour' then how will she ever learn.. got to say if parents arent on board then its bye bye time for me...

Scarfmaker Sun 14-Aug-11 23:12:03

I've had a few biters and would tell them "no biting" and get them to say sorry to wounded child.

It's a phase and many don't even realise what they're doing it happens so quickly.

I would say the biting phase, for children who are the biters, go through this for around 6 weeks. In my experience, you do have to watch them all the time and be aware of situations when it could happen.

Sorry 1962 but I wouldn't encourage one child to bite another!

CrazyBabies Wed 17-Aug-11 14:02:32

Hi. thanks for your replies.
I had a chat with the parent and this biting has been going on for 20 months ( i worked out)!!!!!!!
Am really worried as I am starting to see it as more than just a phase.
The mindee clamps herself onto another child/sibling and she definately is meaning to do it. The parents just don't tell her off in a strong way!!!!! It's kind of an - o dear.... say sorry - and that's it.
I said to the child yest I do not allow biting in my house in a very firm/stern way and put her in another room. Mindee had bit another child again and I had to explain to other parent. Surely this cannot go on with biting others - the other parents will not put up with it, surely!
My ds has watched how she lunges onto another child, arms wrapped tighly around them. He hasn't seen any thing like it.
What would I say to the parent. The child isn't going to stop even if she sees me talking to her mum about it and I have a chat with her on everly visit. It hasn't happened on only two occasions from what I can remember.

What do I do? The family are lovely and very responsible people, and apart from the biting they are fine.

CrazyBabies Wed 17-Aug-11 16:47:20

I meant to say my dh has seen it happen. He thinks I will have to give notice.
Also I know I said the parents are lovely, both in resposible jobs, butnot taking the proble on board. Their last childminder didn't have any other mindees at the time, so it is only now that she is biting other mindees.
How do I make them see how terrrible it is. I feel so protective over the littel mindee I have.

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