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(12 Posts)
anotherquery Mon 11-Jul-11 00:28:08

there have been a few incidents with my childminder and my son, which i wont go into as its a long story. she has said recently he has become destructive and hyper and has lashed out at her. that behaviour is not ok, of course i have addressed this with him, but i think its just a phase, he hasnt done tantrums yet and i do not endorse his behaviour and i let him know that -but he wont pass through this phase overnight either, its a learning curve for him. she has also said she feels disliked by him and feels he doesnt like her daughter either, (theres just the minder , her 10 month old daughter and my son). i am kind of hurt and worried about this, surely this makes their relationship more difficult if she feels that? not sure dislike is the best way to describe a three years olds feelings either. Not sure how to proceed or what is the best thing to do. new to the childminding experience and dont know if i am being objective. any help would be really appreciated ?thanks

exoticfruits Mon 11-Jul-11 07:30:24

I would look elsewhere-it doesn't seem a very good experience for him.

leddeeburdee Mon 11-Jul-11 07:34:18

She sounds very unprofessional and I would be looking elsewhere.

HSMM Mon 11-Jul-11 07:46:30

Doesn't sound to good to me. A CM needs to bond with a child to provide good quality care and it doesn't look like this has happened here. You are lucky that she has felt able to raise this with you, so you can make an informed decision about his care.

exoticfruits Mon 11-Jul-11 08:33:45

A DC doesn't want to be spending all day with someone who doesn't like him.

Danthe4th Mon 11-Jul-11 09:04:05

I would be pleased she has actually spoken to you, ask her if she is willing to work with you or may be she would prefer you to look elsewhere.
Does she go out much with your child, perhaps he is a bit bored hence getting hyper and destructive. Talk with her about what your son does with her during the day, visiting toddler groups, parks, walking in the woods that sort of thing.

anewyear Mon 11-Jul-11 12:57:31

exoticfruits - where does it say in the op that the chilminder dislikes the child???

exoticfruits Mon 11-Jul-11 13:23:08

Read between the lines!
If you feel that someone dislikes you do you still really like them? If you had a baby would you like looking after a DC that you felt didn't like her? Would you want to look after a DC that you felt was destructive, hyper and might lash out at you?
This is a 3 yr old DC -find someone who would see his good points and handle him in the right way.

Gonzo33 Mon 11-Jul-11 13:52:59

I'd be tempted to have a chat with the childminder and go from there. I have had CM's for my now ten year old most of his life and sometimes it can be cleared up with a chat and renewed vigour and sometimes you have no choice but to find someone new.

Good luck with it.

anotherquery Mon 11-Jul-11 23:49:14

thanks so much for all the replies, have a lot to consider, this parenting thing is complex and am not the best at decision making in general. have been trying to find what my intuition or little voice inside is telling me but cant seem to hear it lately!!! he has been there for a month with no problems and the naughtines has only begun very recently and suddenly,it started with her and now at home too, so i can see for myself what she means. but until he learns how to cope when he doesnt get his own way i dont really know what to do. do i take him out until he copes better? or try and work with her till he learns to manage his feelings, but this might be hard given her feelings and her having her own baby there? what happens in these situations i just dont know - have i just been unlucky in sending him there not long before he entered a temper tantrum phase (which i didnt know was going to happen) as opposed to being lucky or planning better and child has passed through such a phase or even luckier, child hasnt entered one such a phase ever!!! or is something about their relationship making it worse for him? am afraid to act rashly in case working through this between us will ultimately do him the world of good, and equally afraid of leaving him there, given her comments and some of the other concerns which have been mentioned. rock and a hard place as far as i can see it.. will think on... i dont know if other parents find this but while i do know all i want to do is the best for my son, i sometimes dont know exactly what is best.

exoticfruits Tue 12-Jul-11 07:59:17

Maybe she isn't very experienced. DCs of that age having a tantrum when they don't get their own way is very common-as she will find out when her own baby reaches the 'terrible twos'.

minderjinx Tue 12-Jul-11 12:17:14

It sounds to me that she may be inexperienced in the ways of three year olds and perhaps more fazed by his behavior than someone else with several children of their own might be. It may be that his apparent "dislike" or her daughter is more akin to jealousy and that he is also acting up to get attention for himself and draw it away from her daughter. If so, that could perversely be a good sign that he is becoming firmly attached to her, and if she can just help him work through this phase they could have a really strong relationship. I think you need to discuss how he is behaving, why he might be acting up, and come up with a consistent approach to handling it at home and at hers.

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