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Nanny's last day - how to keep up contact or stop us missing her!

(12 Posts)
Piccadilly Fri 08-Jul-11 10:42:07

I'm writing for a bit of a release of emotion as much as anything! Today is our amazingly wonderful nanny's last day. I have resigned from my job (long story) and will be at home looking after ds, meaning we no longer need our nanny and can't pay her anyway. We had a lovely half-hour this morning, exchanging presents and we've given her the most dazzling reference we could think of. The problem is that she is expensive and we're heading for a tough time financially because of my being out of work. She would love to keep working for us on a low level (half a day each fortnight or something similar) but, even that seems too much money for us at present. I feel awful saying to the kids that I don't know when we will see her again. I have said that we would like her to come for occasional babysitting. She seems really disappointed by this and I also feel that it's going to be weird - she has been with us every morning (I work half days), five days a week, for the last year.
I think the transition for my 2 year old will not be hard because it will be all the time at home with me, rather than just the afternoon. But my 5 year old dd really doesn't want the nanny to go (even though she has been at preschool in the mornings and so nanny has not been her primary carer, but still a constant, kind, loving person who she has seen every day).
Any ideas for how to manage this?
I feel awful for resigning because I feel like I'm making things so hard for the kids and the nanny who have built up a real emotional bond.
The nanny has a next job lined up so she won't be out of work, but it's rather the emotional side of things.

Piccadilly Fri 08-Jul-11 10:44:09

Sorry, that made it sound as if I don't think the two year old will miss the nanny. Obviously, he doesn't understand now that she won't be back on Monday and on Monday he also won't think anything of it. But, I'm sure at some point he will start asking for her and he will miss her terribly.

MogandMe Fri 08-Jul-11 10:48:58

If the nanny has a new job - is there the oppportunity to meet up at soft play etc smile

Piccadilly Fri 08-Jul-11 10:54:48

Now, that's a nice idea!
Thanks! I suppose the nanny-family relationship is such a special one: so intimate but also an employee - I feel like I'm putting upon her to ask for any unpaid contact. But, to suggest meeting up like that with her other children is maybe a relaxed way of doing it - it's not that I'm expecting her to look after ours for free...

MogandMe Fri 08-Jul-11 11:04:03

I know what you mean - it is hard to do the keep in contact thing - I am a nanny and thankfully I stay in touch with most of my families. We do a combination of; meeting up for days out ie the zoo/theme park/country walk etc, if I'm in the area I pop by for lunch or a coffee - it just depends on the boss/nanny relationship.

Piccadilly Fri 08-Jul-11 11:25:51

That sounds good. Somehow all change is hard particularly when it means someone who you have seen every day not being there. I'm feeling really sad - even though I'm actually looking forward to having more time with my little boy...
I really don't want to get home from work now and have to say goodbye. I'll suggest us meeting up as you say!

andagain Fri 08-Jul-11 11:57:10

But it really doesn't have to be the end of your relationship with your nanny. Instead of being your nanny, she will become your family's friend.

I used to be a nanny 20 years ago (for five years) to two children and I still see them and their parents now, quite often. They are now both young adults and I am their godmother. I have seen them every couple of months for the past 15 years since I left the post. It can be done if you are all fond of each other.

And now, we do the same with our daughter's old au pair, we speak on skype and are planning a visit to her country in the spring and she is coming over to see us in autumn.

I think if you all really get on, your nanny can become your life long friend. My former MB is one of my closest friends.

NannyBeth Fri 08-Jul-11 14:40:52

I agree with others, it's just a change of relationship not necessarily a goodbye forever!! I am still in contact with most of the families I have worked for, bar a couple of temp jobs. Even the first ever nanny job I had back in Sydney before I moved to the UK I have the mum on fb and went to see them when I went home!!

I also agree that suggesting meeting somewhere with her new charges might be a good way to start that new relationship smile

chocchoc30 Fri 08-Jul-11 17:31:42

I left my Nanny job last year after being with them for over 6 1/2 years. I miss them dreadfully but still have masses of contact with them. I have now become a family friend. My husband and I often go and stay with them for weekends and sometimes the girls take it in turn to come and stay with us.
I never want any money for having them and when we do go and stay we all do things together.

Samedi Sat 09-Jul-11 00:12:51

I do feel a bit jealous of nannies who keep good contact with their charges, however for me its been an easier thing not to keep contact. My first nanny job lasted 6 months and I couldn't keep contact as the parents kept 'forgetting' to do me a reference and made the relationship awkward. The next job was for 2 years, wonderful people and I miss my girls dearly but I'm not in touch because I wanted to make sure I didn't undermine the relationship between the girls and their new nanny (they moved, no other circumstance changed so I knew they would have a nanny). I didn't want to be this part of their life who popped up causing problems. Same reason in the following job, I was there 18 months but I know my charge needed to form a new relationship.

I think it would be odd to see some of my former charges now- I've always worked full-time, so would often have the children from 7am to 7pm or similar, 5-6 days a week. While I have them, they are 'my' kids if that makes sense- I know them, I understand them and care for them but children change so fast and after while they aren't as I remember them- they aren't 'mine' anymore. I enter every job knowing I will bond with my kids, love them and fuss over them and worry, then one day I'll leave them for whatever reason. Its different for older children, I did keep email contact with a 12 year old charge but only till she got bored of me! But I've found for younger ones it can be confusing for them to have me around, then someone new, suddenly I pop back again. It'd be nice to know how they are doing but I think I prefer a kind of cleaner cut.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 09-Jul-11 08:21:57

i keep in contact with all my familys smile

agree a 'play date' at soft play would be nice or invite her round for a cuppa one day after school/she could pick up eldest from school one day and take back to yours

wonder why your nanny will think its weird to go and babysit for you hmm

redglow Sat 09-Jul-11 14:16:05

I babysit for all my old families I thuink it is a great way to keep in touch.

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