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fed up and upset and don't know why i'm so bothered

(15 Posts)
woahthere Mon 04-Jul-11 13:49:00

I look after a little girl every day, 8 - 6 most days, 8 - 12 on a Wednesday. I relish my 12 - 3 time off as it means I get a rare moment to read/hoover/whatever in peace! Mum has always known that I want this time off, in fact originally i had said I didnt want to work at all on a Wednesday but Mum gradually persuaded me. I have done occasional extra hours when she has despertely needed me as she is a single Mum. This morning she asked me to work on a Wednesday afternoon and I said yes ok without hesitation. Later on she came to pick her daughter up (10 minutes late I have to add!) and then said she had got the date wrong, the date she wanted me to do these extra hours was actually in the school holidays. I said 'ah, actually that will be a problem because I have made plans' to which she queried me what they were! I replied 'I have made plans to take the older children I look after swimming, specifically because I wont have any small children' she then carried on saying well you could take her, i have done before, i had to explain myself saying i couldnt because i would have my own little boy with me and the pool wont allow it as its a 1:1 ratio. She then started going on about putting her daughter in somewhere else and did I know if they would have her and all i could say was I have no idea youll have to ask them?! I almost felt s though she might suggest I send my son somewhere else!
I suppose I just feel a bit put upon, i try to help whenever i can but i already look after the girl 39 hours a week, at times I have had her until 8.30 at night to help out and Im annoyed thta i had to explain my self about hours Im not even contracted to do. Im just tired I suppose, I dont know why its got on my nerves so much. She did ask me it after stating that she wouldnt be able to pay me until Friday a week late which i accepted because I know she struggles with money and at least she had had the decency to tell me which is a lot more than some of my others do. A lot of people have been taking advantage of me lately, it seems like the more effort I put in, the worse it gets, I feel like giving it all up.

mad4mainecoons Mon 04-Jul-11 14:02:18

my goodness!
i so value my childminder and would NEVER, EVER treat her like that!
how dare that lady query your plans, you are entitled to your life too, childminder or not. it sounds like you do a lot for her already and she is taking advantage of you.

but if you dont stand up for yourself, she will contilue to take advante of you until you snap, and then the situation will be horrid for everyone.

i would say to her that you have had enquiries about minding other children, and remind her that she must pay on time and collect her child on time! no excuses! maybe its hard as you are seeing this lady as a friend now rather than a customer.

good childminders are worth their weight in gold and you can do without this hassle im sure.

good luck with it.

HSMM Mon 04-Jul-11 14:15:10

It sounds like you've been lovely and very helpful and flexible. It really doesn't matter if you just want to lie in the sun when you are not contracted to work.

Hopefully this will enable her to realise how flexible you have been and she will appreciate you all the more.

BoysAreLikeDogs Mon 04-Jul-11 17:12:00

oh yes, what the others have said

and in future, no need to say WHAT your plans are, or even that you have plans

practice saying in the mirror 'I am not available then'

A tougher skin takes time to develop, and then you will be able to WHIZZ through potentially awkward convos easily

chin up, you are being a wonderfully flexible CM

PS the late payt would REALLY piss me off

woahthere Mon 04-Jul-11 21:33:22

the thing is re late payment I am quite tough on it. I have people paying me a month late and I charge them every week they are late...it seems they have money to throw away! So now I have changed my policy to charge double and then deny care after 2 weeks of non payment...nutters!

thebody Mon 04-Jul-11 22:59:44

good on you re late fees girl.. you sound sooo poissed off and dont blame you.. how dare she quiz you.. none of her business.. just say NO cant have your child as the setting is CLOSED...

honest hun, dont take to heart,its a business and these people arnt your friends but work associates.. dont blur the boundaries..

good luck

pippin26 Tue 05-Jul-11 16:05:09

sorry but as soon as a parent- client tries the 'emotional' business blackmail on me - I will accept their notice of resignation. There is NO way Iwill be held over a barrel. They are more than welcome to go and try their mind games elsewhere - my health, my sanity and my enjoyment of my job is more important than them and their oh-so-important-needy needs.

AND at the end of the day - I am the boss of my business and whilst I will try to be flexible and accomodating - to a point.

RosieGirl Tue 05-Jul-11 18:09:41

you sound like me - I would write a letter or if you don't like being too direct a newsletter stating things such as "sticking to core hours", "late payment reminder charges" etc.

I am in the middle of writing a newsletter with such items, as I have recently had one parent text me while I was at a funeral of a very close relative, to inform me (not ask) that she would be dropping her child off earlier than usual the next morning. It has been the first personal day I have taken in 8 years, my whole family was distraught and shattered. I didn't get the text until the morning as my phone was obviously switched off all day, it really threw me as I had nearly cancelled the school run anyway as we were all so tired, but she turned up without confirmation that I would (or could) take her.

I am determined to toughen up, this incident really shocked me as I thought as I have been so flexible and accommodating the favour would be returned at some point. Silly me.

woahthere Tue 05-Jul-11 22:55:12

rosie thats awful. i honestly think you should have said...do you realise that etc etc. they cant just turn up without confirmation that you will have them early! Mine is a funny one because she does things such as not turn up on time, then not arrive , and then after numerous texts from me asking what she is doing i give up. The next day she arrives and i say where were you and she says oh i thought you would like to rest... and im like, erm yeah but how do i know that!!! odd

woahthere Tue 05-Jul-11 22:56:00

btw, i have done newsletters AND letters!

BoysAreLikeDogs Wed 06-Jul-11 00:26:58

Do you know what, Whoa, I would get rid; I could NOT work like that

BoysAreLikeDogs Wed 06-Jul-11 00:27:34

Oh Rosie I am so sorry for your loss sad

RosieGirl Wed 06-Jul-11 08:27:56

Thanks guys, I know things will get better, but it really brought it home how difficult it can be to run this business from home as the boundaries are so blurred at times.

woahthere Wed 06-Jul-11 10:04:17

its worth 650 a month though. There is no way i could afford to just get rid.

thebody Wed 06-Jul-11 20:51:38

so sorry Rosie..awful for you and parent very selfish.. you tell her where you were and hope she feels bad about it..

whoathere, understand totally.. if parents a bloody nightmare BUT good payers then its acceptable..( within boundaries..). for me its all about the money.. if they pay me on time I can put up with the crap if not.. bye bye..

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