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Another ' I am being unreasonable with my nanny'?

(14 Posts)
Meesh13 Wed 22-Dec-10 13:30:17

When I took on my nanny, we discussed that she would put her 3 year old into nursery, over a short period of time I realised that having her child with her made her more flexile to work the (sometimes) odd hours which I need her to work, so we discussed him staying. What seems to have happened is that my daughter (1 years old) is playing a very much second fiddle to her son in terms of care and attention/ activities etc and that I have a screaming toddler throwing tantrums and questionable behaviour (he called his mum and me a retard and screams so much!)in my place of work (home), which is making it impossible for me to concentrate on doing my job (if I loose my job, she will loose hers) What is also happening is that she is splitting her time 3 ways, and every evening picks up her daughter from school and more often than not brings her back to my home/place of work too, making it even harder to concentrate of my work, this was never discussed, it just happened. I understand that she is a mother and her children come first, but my child is not getting the care which I am paying for and I am being hugely distracted from my work, which is not a long term solution. What do you think?

jendot Wed 22-Dec-10 13:49:15

Talk to her...suggest some solutions that may work for all of you.

Failing that find another nanny!

Bonsoir Wed 22-Dec-10 13:51:50

I personally think it is a very tall order having a nanny at home with her child while you work.

Maybe you should WOHM or use a nursery or find a nanny with no children?

drinkyourmilk Wed 22-Dec-10 14:03:52

If you feel your child isn't being given the care he should (which obviously will not be constant 1-1 as your nanny is effectively doing a share) then you must raise this with her.
The nannies I know who take their own lo's to work make an enormous effort to ensure their charges are given the attention they deserve - often resulting in leaving the nanny feeling like she neglects her own kids.
WRT her daughter - if you are happy to have her come over after school then have it contracted if not then again you will have to approach your nanny. I appreciate this is going to be a difficult conversation but at the end of the day you employ her to do a job and you will only grow more resentful as time goes by. Good luck.

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh Wed 22-Dec-10 14:16:44

You need to talk to her about this. There are several issues.

Children all go through challenging patches. In 6 months her DS could be an angel and your DD a holy terror taking up allnanny's time however you are the boss and if you're not happy then raise the possibility of nursery again (which it sounds as though her DS is more than ready for).

The nature of his misbehaviour is something else though. If you aren't happy with the language he's using then that's completely understandable and I'd hazard a guess that it's not reflecting well on the nanny's parenting for you. I might be wrong there though, the written word is open to misinterpretation!

Her DD is another issue. Was this agreed in the contract/at the start that she could have both her DC there?

Then you're being distracted, which isn't on, but is difficult to solve and may not be directly related to the number of children around anyway. Could you retreat to a coffee shop for a few mornings a week and arrange for nanny to take the children out as well at regular times giving you at least some peace?

How long has she been with you? Can you have a general 1 or 3 month review? I'd advise you to keep notes of the conversation so if you decide it's not working out for those reasons it's simpler to give her notice.

TBH if you work from home other childcare solutions or a mix of nanny and nursery/CM might be more suitable. It's very challenging as a nanny where there are WAHPs - I always felt I needed to keep quiet and that does restrict activities to a certain extent!

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 22-Dec-10 21:00:12

So you employ a mum of 2 as a nanny?

Obv you agreed to her ds there but how did her dd start coming?

Sounds like your nanny needs to pay a cm to pick up her dd ( as my friend does who is a nanny) and concentrate on your child as that is her job

You need to decide if you want a nwoc - do you pay her less then the going rate as brings her own child/ren?

It is hard to work from Home with children about - any way you can work away in an office / starbucks / shut away upstairs?

As Frakk said one day it may be your dc screaming/ having paddies - would you feel different then?

Meesh13 Wed 22-Dec-10 21:36:07

Thanks all so much for your comments! I have felt really lost as to how I feel about the situation, if my irritation is valid and what on earth I should do about it, its great to hear other mums opinions!

Tarenath Thu 23-Dec-10 10:58:07

I am a nanny with own child. I think you need to discuss the situation with your nanny and come to a better agreement.
It's difficult, but I do put my employers children first. Activities are organised with them in mind, not my child. I am lucky that my child is a similar age to one of my charges so it works well. Obviously there are times when my child has to come first i.e. if he has an accident, but daily routine is set by my charges, not my son. I'm not sure if your nanny understands this. Was she a nanny before she had children?

Did you update your contract when you discussed her bringing her son? Also, did she start bringing her daughter without discussing it with you first? If so then I think she is in breach of contract. I have a stepdaughter and her mum ocassionally asks me to look after her in emergencies but I've always said no because it's not what I agreed with my employers and it is in breach of my contract.

I think you need to sit down with your nanny and discuss your concerns and see if you can make things work. If you can't then the you may need to find a new nanny.

LadyLapsang Thu 23-Dec-10 12:17:10

Well it seems the original agreement was that her DS would attend nursery while she looked after your DD for certain hours. You then asked he to be flexible regarding the hours so you then mutually agreed she could look after both children together at your house - am I right? If this is so, maybe consider going back to the original agreement, although it sounds like you will lose some flexibility. Otherwise, look for a new nanny.

Meesh13 Sun 26-Dec-10 12:02:20

After all your considered posts, my next post is going to be,' looking for a new nanny'. My gut is that she isn't right, I have discussed with her in a kind manner a number of times that the situation is difficult and not a long term solution, but it seems that nothing has changed.Thanks again everyone.
Happy New Year

Gangle Thu 30-Dec-10 10:15:52

I think you're asking quite a lot of her to be honest. I very much wanted to keep on our old nanny who we shared with another family which would have meant the nanny had 3 children most of the time and 4 some of the time. It would have worked out a lot cheaper but I said no as I just felt that the children would not have nearly enough attention.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 30-Dec-10 11:22:22

why is she asking a lot of her nanny?

the nanny has 2 children of her own and is bringing them to work

the op has one dc who she wants a nanny for

why is this the op fault?

tho obv working from home makes things slightly different

Gangle Thu 30-Dec-10 11:59:34

Thought the OP had 2 kids?

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 30-Dec-10 20:29:24

i thought op had a 1yr dd

and nanny had 3yr and 5yr+

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