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Dad has little regard for how we do things

(8 Posts)
majormumma Mon 23-Sep-19 18:18:22

Right I don’t know if I sound like a spoilt brat or not but I’m getting increasingly more fed up with how my dad is whilst looking after my 18 month old.
Firstly, I am so grateful that he looks after DS, incredibly grateful. He looks after him twice a week, my MIL once, while I work 3/5. He does do some amazing things that I’m very appreciative of. I have broached the subject of putting DS in nursery once a week to help my dad and also to help with DS social interaction and development but he doesn’t think I should.
Anyway, I just find his attitude odd, he’s openly said to DH that he does things my way when I’m at home but when I leave, it’s his way.
Most days he struggles to get him to nap, he feeds him things I wouldn’t (chocolate, cake, crisps) let’s him snack all day and rarely gets out with him.
I know these things aren’t life threatening and I probably sound like a cow bag but it’s irritating you know?
I’m looking at a nursery this week for one day a week, I think my dad will have an issue, I know my MIL is against it too.
Are nurseries that bad lol? Am I being unreasonable?

BackforGood Mon 23-Sep-19 22:39:27

Of course Nurseries aren't bad. I mean, like everything, there are some poor Nurseries, but most are good and some are fantastic.

Your ds might find it difficult to settle if he goes just one day a week, however........ if you can afford it, what about going 3 x 1/2 days, and get his Grandparents to collect him from there for their afternoons ?

I'm not a person who thinks dc should never be allowed crisps, cake etc., but it's not idea if they are just snacking through the day and certainly not ideal if they never go anywhere / have any stimulation.

This is going to come down to finance though.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 09-Oct-19 14:01:28

If your dad is giving your free childcare then you can’t complain
How he treats your son. Yes annoying over treats and no nap. That’s would annoy me

So either allow him to do that or you pay for childcare

And yes social interaction is essential so either grandad takes to activities parks M&T etc or you do nursery and pay

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Wed 09-Oct-19 14:04:34

You are expecting childcare and getting grandparenting. If you want childcare which handles your child the way you prefer then you pay for that service.

majormumma Wed 09-Oct-19 14:17:53

Thanks all 🥰 I’m looking at nurseries in the coming weeks! My dad isn’t overly happy but as you say, if I want childcare then I need to pay for childcare.

jannier Wed 09-Oct-19 15:54:47

You dont have to go to a nursery childminders are also an option offering exactly the same as nursery but on a smaller scale, it may go down easier if they think a nursery is too busy.

Thistlelass Thu 31-Oct-19 20:33:44

Hello. I am a grandmother reading this. I have helpedand do help at times care for 4 young grandchildren (currently 2,3,4 and 5 = phew!). I am 62 and have some health problems. Two of these children have gone to Nursery one day a week from they were 1 year old, They quickly adapted and it has been great for their development. I do my best for these children whom I love dearly but my view is that I want them to have professionally provided care. I cannot sustain my physical energy and concentration to do what I feel is a good enough job. I want what is best for them.

itsaboojum Fri 01-Nov-19 08:03:12

As already stated, their are good and bad nurseries. It’s also worth mentioning that, good or bad, they don’t all do things the same way. A good nursery will try to accommodate parents' wishes, there are limits to how far any nursery can go in this respect.

You need to find the right nursery for you, and be very clear about expectations from the start. You may need to accept they won’t always be doing things precisely as you might wish.

Stay on good terms with grandparents. There will be times you need them in a back-up childcare role.

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