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26 month old doesn’t like childminder

(18 Posts)
Monkeywithaminaturecymbal Wed 04-Sep-19 09:51:47

Since my son turned 2 in June he doesn’t like the childminder anymore, it’s actually a nanny share with an older boy for 10 hours a week. He keeps saying he wants to stay at home and doesn’t like the nanny or other boy, he’s only started talking properly recently so it’s hard to get much more out of him. He was ok for the first two months now I have to hand him over kicking and screaming. The nanny says he’s fine once settled but is it normal for a child to hate the thought of going for this long? Every time I talk it through with him it’s a negative response sad

nannynick Wed 04-Sep-19 10:48:09

Has something happened between him and the other child? A falling out over sharing toys?

Routines will start again as schools go back, so see how the next couple of weeks go. Will the older child be spending some time at pre-school/school so your son gets some 1:1 time?

Monkeywithaminaturecymbal Wed 04-Sep-19 11:31:59

Hi nannynick thanks for the response smile the older boy is 10 and is starting senior school this week, he did have a great bond with him but maybe because of him being away over the school holidays and the change of routine that has upset things. It’s the bond with the nanny that worries me more, I just get the feeling there isn’t much of one. I was hoping he would like spending time with her, it’s been 4 months and he still doesn’t want to see her or talk about her like he does about other people he spends time with.

underneaththeash Thu 05-Sep-19 11:18:59

So, is it a nanny share where you share the nanny with another family? If so, ask to swap houses 50% of the time so he's at home some of the time.

This obviously won't work if she's a childminder, as she has to work from her own house.

nannynick Thu 05-Sep-19 13:35:16

Why are you doing a share where the other child is a lot older? Nanny shares are often between families with similar aged children, may not be exactly the same but would generally be similar as then the activities they do are the same.

Do you have other childcare options? If your current arrangement is not working then it can be better to end it sooner rather than later. However do discuss with your nanny as to what is happening and if they can think of any reason why your child is upset and what could be changed to see if it made any difference. Once 10 year old is going to school and usual term time routine starts things may get better. School holidays can throw things.

Monkeywithaminaturecymbal Thu 05-Sep-19 14:30:16

The nanny takes him to the other boys house, her house or to do activities 1:1 such as playgroup or drop in sessions. I work from home so we agreed it was better he was cared for elsewhere. I have discussed and she feels it is normal for his age and that he is absolutely fine once I've dropped him off. I just feel disappointed he is not happier to go, so maybe it is a problem with my expectations and some mum guilt thrown in too.

jannier Thu 05-Sep-19 18:09:54

I'm confused legally she can only take him to your house or the other childs not hers for more than 2 hours a day. If she is in her home for longer she needs by law to be registered as a childminder. Why not go for a proper registered and inspected childminder if effectively your getting a less than childminder service? If the 10 year old is at school they surely dont stay there and they wont have the toys a 2 year old needs and cant be out and about 4 to 6 hours a day.

connielwallace77 Fri 06-Sep-19 12:50:35

This sounds a bit like what Koru kids are offering in London. Great option to avoid after school clubs and childminders. They have now a nanny share service as well only between 2 families at a time...

jannier Fri 06-Sep-19 13:22:49

But legally anyone caring for a child of this age can only do it in the child carers house for a maximum of 2 hours a day no matter who operates the scheme otherwise they must be registered as childminders with Ofsted they must have insurance, pediatric first aid, be inspected, follow the eyfs etc.

itsaboojum Sat 07-Sep-19 10:36:39

From a regulatory point of view, she can exceed the '2 hour rule' as an unregistered provider if she is operating in the child's home. If she is providing an unregistered service for two families, this can be in the home of either of those two families. She is going to have to limit the amount of time spent in her own home.

So she’s not necessarily doing anything illegal. But I agree with Jannier: this is a very poor second in terms of 'professional' care.

I rather wish people would not use the word "childminder" when referring to something quite different.

jannier Sat 07-Sep-19 11:10:47

So do you think...mum is working from home so child is out of house, 10 year old from other family is at school so other family allow nanny and first family child free rain of their empty home while 2 year old plays with whatever nanny brings in a bag as 10 year old is unlikely to have suitable toddler many hours a day does nanny work inside school time 9 to 3 is 6 hours. So 2 out at a activities 2 at nannys house 2 unaccompanied in second families house using second families utilities are no benefit to second family?

itsaboojum Sat 07-Sep-19 17:15:25


No, I don’t really think that. But we both know what you describe is a reasonable estimation of what she’ll claim to be doing, should
she ever be checked.

We operate within a crazy system in which genuine childminders, operating within the law are over-regulated. But it is ridiculously easy to avoid registration and then get away with almost anything.

jannier Sat 07-Sep-19 19:27:23

True but the child dosent like the illegal situation and the parent dosent seem to know that shes employing an illegal worker not a nanny or a childminder and dosent seem to know the difference. I wonder what qualifications insurance and pension/tax arrangements were discussed.

Sugarplumfairyfartface Sat 07-Sep-19 19:30:37

Tbh I would listen to your child find somewhere else for him to go could just be separation anxiety etc but its an issue now so get him moved and settled elsewhere make it an exciting new adventure for him he will b fine I'm sure

SunshineCake Sat 07-Sep-19 19:31:06

I used to be a nanny and no bond after four months would have me removing him for this person tbh.

It all sounds rubbish for this small child tbh.

itsaboojum Mon 09-Sep-19 07:50:32


I think you need to have a serious discussion about how your so-called "childminder" is managing your child’s day. It’s quite likely your son is being dragged from pillar to post, as described by Jannier, and therefore bored and fed up with the situation. Otherwise, she is probably breaking the law by exceeding the amount of time she’s allowed to care for him at her own home.

However you feel about the rather arbitrary rules and times laid down in the childcare regulations, the fact remains she may well be operating illegally. There can be serious consequences for you, as well as her, if this is the case. At the very least, it means you’re trusting your son with someone who isn’t entirely honest.

You ought to find him a proper, registered childcare provider. But you should also be clear that you are the adult making the decisions. It’s not uncommon for children to start giving parents the runaround if they catch on that you’ll change things too readily in reaction to there shifting whims. So be aware of that possibility.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 10-Sep-19 14:59:15

We don’t know nanny is at her own home for over 2hrs. She may pop in

I did as a nanny. Would have toys and my charges loved it

Half the problem is the share is with older child so unlikely to have 2yr toys there

Do you give nanny toys to take

You work from home. He’s 2 and knows mummy is home and he’s elsewhere

How many days is the position

Can you work from a coffee shop one day /afternoon she hes home at his and own toys

SMaCM Wed 11-Sep-19 08:54:34

If I was the parent of the 10 year old, I wouldn't want a 2 year old playing in my house all day while they're at school. This is an unusual nanny share, which is maybe why it's not working for your child.

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