Grandparents for full time childcare?(24 Posts)
Just wondering, does anyone have grandparents provide full time childcare Monday - Friday no nursery involved when they first went back to work after maternity? If so, how do you find it and for how long did you do it? Do you feel your child missed out by not going to nursery?
Are you splitting the care between grandparents, otherwise that is a big ask?
I would worry that was far too much for the grandparents to provide.
What happens when they are ill/on holiday?
Until 2.5 or so there's no real advantage to nursery especially if grandparents take them to toddler group once or twice a week. About 2.5-3 nursery becomes a better option
I don't know if we'd do it, it is an option we are lucky to have and would be split between 2 sets of grandparents 3 days one and 2 the other. I think I'd like to mix with some nursery time a day or two but just wanted to know if anyone does just have grandparents/family doing full time childcare.
I haven't used grandparents yet as Im not back at work yet but my dd has done 1 day a week at nursery since 9 months. She loves it and I think it's been good for her in terms of development and being around other children etc.
No. It was offered to us (part time) when ours were young but it doesn't sit well with me. It is not my parents' job to look after my children. That's my job and my financial responsibility.
Depends on age. Split across grandparents with child(ren) under 2 I'd say absolutely go for it, you'll save so much money and they'll build a lovely bond - the evidence suggests that family care is best for young children (and I say this as someone with children who are split between nurseries and a nanny, so have no skin in the game!)
Then after age two I'd think of adding in a 2-3 hour playgroup a few times a week, it gives them all a break, and from 3 look at balancing gp care with 30 free hours.
I know lots of people who did. The success or not can’t be generalised. It’s entirely dependent on personal factors.Ive known it work fantastically all through primary into secondary with lovely close relationships between the generations. I’ve also known it be a miserable experience for one or other party (usually the grandparents).
How old are the grandparents? It's a lot to do full time and more so as kids get into toddler age. I would consider instead asking each set of grandparents to do one day a week and use nursery for the other three, or at least use nursery one day a week and two days a week for each set otherwise. That way you have a relationship established with a childcare provider and you could move up to more days in nursery as the baby becomes a more boisterous toddler.
My parents were doing 3 days with mil taking 1 ds for 1 day for a few months. I start new job soon And my parents will do 5 days (with occasional help from miL - fiL is still working and a 5 and 2 year old are quite difficult to manage on a regular basis on your own).
I prefer for there to be 2 of them there because it can make it easier. If this is not possible me or DH would take a leave day to help (so they don’t get tired). I know it’s a big ask of them so I tell them that if they feel tired or want a holiday or whatever - let me and DH know. As long as we know in advance we will change our plans accordingly (eg try and ask employers for flexi-time etc). It’s been so lovely seeing them develop close relationships with my ds’s and both ds’s are going on holiday with GPS this summer without me and DH (we have a lot of diy etc to do around the house).
I do day and a half for one grandchild ( other grandparents do same) and when she is 3 will prob go to part time nursery and We will do pickups. I absolutely love being able to help and have such fun with her, glad I can cut out the need to get her out of bed early at 7etc etc but..... no way could I do this every day, I would find it too exhausting.
My friend does 2 days and her grandchildren does 3 days nursery.
I also made it clear there would back up/ reserve plans for illness and holiday.
If they are under state pension age remind them they can have national insurance contributions by looking after grandchildren. See gov website. I’ve added a missing year to my record from my childcare.
If grandparents do the childcare what's the backup? If they go on holiday or get ill what will happen?
We used nursery and now DD is at school - I never felt bad asking for weekend baby-sitting or emergency childcare when they were ill and nursery wouldn't take them because grandparents were not doing anything else. But if they had already had the kids 3 days I would not have felt I could ask for a weekend to go to a wedding or similar.
No. Both sets of grandparents were too old and one is disabled.
We did use family members for child care after we had DS2. But it was for a couple of hours a day in the overlap between DH and I being in work. I wouldn't expect my family to do more than that. It's not fair.
My DM helped has helped out part time at various stages but a colleague has used her mum Ft for 2 DC and whilst she’s been really grateful, she says she feels guilty at how much her dm has done for them and also that she didn’t ever feel she could ask for support at weekends, if they had a wedding or similar, without feeling like a massive piss taker.
I think a combination is a good middle ground, so that there’s no chance of resentment creeping in.
Back up was DH taking leave (I was in a job where it was difficult to take leave) but am changing soon. I’m from a different culture and hope to be able to go part time or for us to go down to 1 salary to help with my parents care when they get older.
I did this, my DM had DD for 2 full days and 3 mornings, and MIL had her for 3 afternoons. After 6 months we decided to put DD in nursery 1 day a week as she wasn't having any interaction with other children. My DM admitted then that she had been struggling and it was doing her a favour. She is now 2 and goes to nursery 2 days a week, my DM has her for 1 full day and 2 mornings with MIL having her 2 afternoons. Works well but I am glad she goes to nursery.
It must be very hard for one set of grandparents to do FT care as that means they can't do days out, unless child centred, or just have a relaxing day. Looking after young children is hard work, how many parents say they go to work to have a break. It's not really a retirement.
I think some grandparents find it quite hard once they are being used for childcare to admit they are finding it hard to the parents as they don't want to let them down.
I do but then my mum is am iso a registered childminder and she wants to do it .. So she has my son who is 17 months and 1 other school aged child. But I am a teacher so she only has him term time. She loves having him, takes him to meet to with my aunt who minds get 2 grandkids who are a similar age at least once a week and takes him to rythmn and rhyme once a week so he gets lots of socialisation too
My mother looked after my DDs full time when I went back to work, she was in her early 60s, however she found it tougher when they got past 2yo, perhaps more tantrums but fine again when they were nursery age. I think my children were lucky to have my mother look after them and spend time with them although at the time I was worried about them needing more interaction etc with other children,
My mum did a full day child care when dd was small. It worked well but she found it tiring even though she wasn't very old.
Also with grandparent care you need to make sure you are on the same page as far as how you want your children cared for. My mum did everything my way and happily accepted that parenting had changed since I was a baby. But I hear a lot about grandparents doing things like giving tea or squash in baby bottles, not using correct car seats, not sterilising safely, giving toddlers sweets etc because that's how things were done in their day and it's hard to complain when the childcare is free.
Thanks all! Interesting views plenty for us to think about.
I have looked after my dgs one day a week since he was 6 months old. I nsider myself to be fit and healthy and young for my age, but it's absolutely exhausting! He's still not walking so I have to pick him up a lot, and that's hard in my back. He's dropped down to one nap a day, so I'm full on most of the time. I absolutely love doing it, but wouldn't want it full time. He does another day with other grandparents, two nursery days and one day with mum and dad. He's thriving! Gets to do all the messy stuff at nursery, and one to one time with granny.
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