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The annoying MIL

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Foreverasking Tue 06-Aug-19 00:57:29

My husband and I have been starting to make plans for childcare for when I return to work later in the year.
We have found a nursery we both really like near our home. I have found out recently that without including me, my husband and MIL have been discussing her looking after our child one of the days. She has sold it to him as she would be saving us money.
I have previously tried being nice and saying our child will be going to nursery (2-3 days a week) while I'm at work as it's good for her development and I wouldn't want to put that commitment or pressure on either of our parents.
The truth is if my mum wasn't still working I would ask her to have her, I just don't trust or agree with my MIL and her parenting views.
She currently looks after her other grandchildren and she does everything I wouldn't do.
She sits on her ass watching tv and they either join her, are on their iPads or playing on their own in another room. She never takes them out, doesn't do activities with them and it's not that they can't afford to. Plus her daughter & SIL give her money, to cover these things, when she has them. They are left to entertain themselves. I actually feel sorry for them.
The food she gives them is full of sugar, salt and fat. I know grandparents like to treat their grandchildren and give them the naughty things but not all the time, like she does.
When I am there all she does is moan about looking after them, slags of her daughter & son in law and tells me it isn't what she should be doing at her age.
Then she is offering to have our child?

I make an effort to interact with our child and do age appropriate activities. I want to introduce a rule about screen time when they are older, play out doors as much as possible and do activities that support development and learning. If they go to my MIL they won't get this. Plus my MIL is a very jealous and vindictive person & has voiced that she doesn't like that my mum sometimes gets to see our child more. This is even though my mum makes the effort to come and see us and in order for MIL to see us I have to go to her house 🙄. I'm also worried she will put things in my child's head.

How do I persuade my husband it's a no go without appearing to be a bitch that hates his mum? Even though I'm not her biggest fan, nobody (except my mum) knows that.

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