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Please please give me positive stories of a very clingy baby making happy adjustment to full time childcare at 7/8 months 😭😭😭

(22 Posts)
MaidofMuswell Sun 07-Jul-19 20:08:20

Right. Cards on table I have really messed up here and know this situation is not ideal so am looking to see if anyone has any stories that can cheer me up or tips on how to make things less crap rather than be told I’ve got to do something different because I don’t think I can now so....

My daughter is a gorgeous, very happy lovely little thing who for some reason (week in hospital for meningitis? Anxious mum? Genes?) is very jumpy and easily startled and also only really happy when right with me or, for brief periods, my husband. The husband thing is progress and am hoping a sign that she will make more progress but even if she can see me she gets very wobbly very quickly if held by others.

I have to go back full time in September because I’m a teacher and I’ve made various commitments for reasons I can now see we’re silly but still, they’ve been made and I’m so worried about her being miserable.

Does anyone have stories of a 5 (nearly 6 month) old baby who was very very attached but then made a very happy transition to nursery a few months later? Or tips on how they made this work? There’s no child minders locally with spaces, her brother is at the same nursery and will see her a bit and I can’t change the work situation... 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Sipperskipper Sun 07-Jul-19 20:13:07

I haven’t got any advice as such, but my super confident, independent baby turned 2 and now only wants me, ever. Starting preschool has been awful and I’m thinking about stopping for a few months!

They can change so quickly - in a couple of months she could be quite happy being away from you for periods.

In the meantime I’d try and leave her with your husband as much as you can, and maybe another close family member for the odd few hours if you can.

I’m sure it will all work out - even if takes her a while to adjust at nursery.

doxxed Sun 07-Jul-19 20:14:14

Can you put him in nursery for a couple of weeks before you go back? Or if it's shut for summer, would a staff member be willing to come to your house and be a mother's help type thing so she can have at least one person she's familiar with before you have to leave her?

doxxed Sun 07-Jul-19 20:14:48

her even!

Fridaycantsleepdoh1 Sun 07-Jul-19 20:16:15

It’s a lot easier when they are little than when they are older.
I would remember that the nurseries will be very experienced in dealing with this type of situation so follow their lead.
Book some settling in sessions etc too.
There might be tears at drop off... however you need to be strong and know that they will be safe and happy once you have left ( she really will be).

trilbydoll Sun 07-Jul-19 20:18:03

That age should be better than 10/11mo I think? Even for a clingy baby.

DD2 was a resolute bottle refuser but the day she was left at nursery she appeared to realise I was absolutely not coming back and drank a whole bottle angry the staff have magical powers I think!

MaidofMuswell Sun 07-Jul-19 20:19:07

Thanks guys - it is shut for summer but will ask about that as an option doxxed yes thank you.

Sipper you’re so right but I think j that’s almost the issue - I’ve been hoping she’d chill out a bit and listening to anyone and everyone (advice junkie as you can probably tell) who kept telling me it was months away and she’d be such a different baby and now it’s not that far off and she’s pretty much exactly the same 😂

MaidofMuswell Sun 07-Jul-19 20:21:30

Thanks also trilby and Friday, was typing my message when you posted, really kind too xxx

Toohotformyliking Sun 07-Jul-19 20:22:45

If it's any comfort, all the babies I know who started nursery at that age settled in absolutely brilliantly. Anecdotally, it's a much better age to start than, say, 12 months.

Flatwhite32 Sun 07-Jul-19 20:28:51

@MaidofMuswell I regret not starting my 11.5 month old DD earlier, as she now has bad separation and stranger anxiety. She's going in for her first full day this week and I'm absolutely dreading it, as I know she'll be crying for me. If we have another DC, I'll be starting them earlier.

randomsabreuse Sun 07-Jul-19 20:31:16

My now 8 mo still doesn't really do being put down at home. Certainly doesn't nap without being on a human. He loves his childminder, adores watching the other children and has done since just before 6 months when he started with her. He even naps in a pram for her with no special effort, just drifts off while the other kids play noisily around him.

She also said it's a much better age than the traditional around 1 year...

MaidofMuswell Sun 07-Jul-19 20:33:33

This is all really reassuring and helpful and kind thank you!! Huge luck for first day flatwhite xx

PetrichorRain Sun 07-Jul-19 20:34:06

My super clingy baby managed to settle ok at nursery aged 12 months... he’s a very confident and self-reliant 4.5 year old now, but also very loving and still a huge mummy’s boy.

Welcometoparadise Sun 07-Jul-19 20:43:59

Yes! My DD2 was a clingy (to me only) jumpy, non sleeping baby with various allergies who went to nursery full time from 6months old (the same nursery as DD1 but different room) due to work commitments. I was worried but the nursery were great and we had no problems with settling her in and never had the separation anxiety phase later on. She is now an outrageously funny 4 year old (who still doesnt sleep and is still a definite mummys girl! ).

PostmanPatIsIncompetent Sun 07-Jul-19 20:44:29

My DD sounds very similar - has only ever wanted me holding her from birth (poor DH!), has got better over time, but relatively still much much clingier than my two older DC were and other babies I know at the same age (she's 9mo now). I can't offer a guarantee as we're only a week into settling in but actually her settling has been surprisingly ok - if she can see me she'll cry and reach for me, but when she hasn't been able to see me she's been happy playing with the nursery staff and other babies (I've been sitting outside the baby room, out of sight, so could hear her if she was crying)

Similarly to you I hadn't dared leave her with DH/grandparents for very long, but reflecting on the past week I do wonder if it's been more "I can see you why aren't you holding me???!" rather than "I can't cope if you're not here". I think. Can report back after the next nursery is good at settling, though - having now done this three times, would recommend a first session with you with her the whole time so she gets used to the environment, then a second few sessions of you starting the session with her and then going out/ popping back in as needed. And when you come back trying to make it happy and breezy and basically a reassurance for her that you will always come back, rather than that you're there to 'rescue' her.

I would also say that my first DC was not an especially clingy baby and started later than DD is - he started at 13 months - but the first five weeks at nursery were tough. He did love it after that and still does, and is a very well-adjusted little boy. So even if she does find it hard to settle, that's not a sign of lasting issues. (My second was fine from the start. Think he was just excited to get some toys that weren't constantly stolen from him by his big brother)

(And don't beat yourself up for having committed to going back to work at a certain age. Being omnipresent for our babies is neither the only nor best way of loving or caring for them thanks)

baibee Sun 07-Jul-19 22:10:53

I had a 6.5 month old exclusively breastfed baby. She was joined to me at the hip, couldn't put her down, wouldn't go to anyone else etc

Had to go back in September- had no choice but to leave her after 3 settling sessions. She hated it for however long, few weeks probably.

She's been there nearly a year now and runs over to the ladies when I open the door, most days and she's very happy.

They definitely will settle, they have no choice d it just becomes normal to them. They'll bond with the careers and observe the other kids, and join in the activities etc.

Good luck!

ehsw Sun 07-Jul-19 22:20:56

I think you might be pleasantly surprised - nursery staff have magical powers, they've done it all before plus your little one might really enjoy it, meaning they look for you less.
My daughter was pretty clingy before she started nursery at 8.5mo. She's now 11mo and loves nursery - big smiles everyday when I drop her off, and once she's in and settled with her breakfast, she doesn't look back for me.

Also just wanted to add - you haven't messed anything up, don't be hard on yourself.

MaidofMuswell Sun 07-Jul-19 22:30:55

You’re all so lovely, thank you - this has really really helped me. God mumsnet is so brilliant sometimes smile xxx

lancslass17 Sun 07-Jul-19 22:32:27

My ds now almost 1 still comes to me any time I am around/sees me.

I went back to work at 8 months and daddy had him for a few weeks which was the best thing we have done. Daddy has confidence he didn't have before and ds knows he is ok with daddy (even though I am 1st choice). At 9 months he started nursery 2 days, he had settling in sessions which helped. He still cries every morning at drop off (but he stops within minutes, I have heard him stop before I get out of the door) , he plays and eats and sleeps he has a key worker who I met before starting who he has become attached too. I think they adapt to whomever is there but mummy will always be the 1st choice xx

Blubluboo Mon 08-Jul-19 11:00:30

Could you consider a nanny? Baby might be more settled in a home environment.

PostmanPatIsIncompetent Fri 02-Aug-19 14:48:28

OP, I said I'd report back - my very very clingy (see my earlier post...) DD has settled really really well. First few days there was some crying, but not so bad the nursery felt they needed to call me to get her early. She's now happy to see nursery staff every morning. So there you go - a story about a very clingy baby finding nursery fine. Hope yours goes as smoothly.

Enjoy the rest of your summer holidays and good luck with the return to work!

Flatwhite32 Fri 02-Aug-19 15:11:55

OP - I now have an update now that 12 month old clingy 'I want my mummy DD' has been at nursery for a month. She still cries at drop off, but it doesn't last long at all, and she's settled so much better (and quicker!) than I thought she would. Nursery staff are miracle workers!

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