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How do you cope?

(78 Posts)
whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 08:02:42


I am only starting my pregnancy journey, but already looking into childcare options... and I am totally shocked. shock shock shock

In my area I would have to pay 800-900 pounds a month to pay for full time nursery. How the hell can people cope with that? That money could go towards savings or something. It is crazy.

Please tell me there are other ways! I just checked childminders in my area, but some are even more expensive than this, but most are the same. I don't have space for an au-pair...

Help! shock


Manclife1 Thu 06-Jun-19 11:12:39

Say otherwise but you didn’t give the consequences of having a child much thought? So you fucked up and now think the government should bail you out of the problems created by your lack of forethought? Haha! Parenting will completely break you with that selfish attitude.

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 11:33:52

@Manclife1 ... hahaha. You know a lot about me, right? grin

I didn't fuck up at all. And I don't have selfish attitude. grin I have an innovative attitude.

Meaning, that I have my own opinion on things and I question things that most of the people accept as facts or "just how it is". I am always looking for better solutions and have high problem solving skills... hence I am going to be an engineer in a year. So no... I know what I am doing. I am going to have a great salary and will be able to afford childcare with no problem whatsoever.

BUT that doesn't mean I agree with it and I won't look for a better option. Those who get somewhere in life never accept the bad circumstances but look for better opportunities.

I don't want the government to "bail me out"... As I said I would gladly pay more tax for free childcare. But obviously I can't change this... but I will definitely figure out a way not to pay 900/month. grin

Greenolivesorblackolives Thu 06-Jun-19 11:39:56

That money could go towards savings or something.
My gas and electric bill money could go into savings or be spent on something else. Oh and my petrol money, rent, council tax, water. Why bother paying for bills, I could just save it.

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 11:48:51

@Greenolivesorblackolives ... That is a good point. grin

But they only cost a small fraction of your salary, but if you are on minimal wage, nursery can take all your money. These are not comparable costs.

If it was 200/month or even 400/month, I would say fine...

But at this point now I am wondering, that all you guys here are happy to pay this amount of money and you get on well financially. OR... you have support from family and don't have to pay. Either way I expected more support and empathy from mums in the same shoes. I guess you all could do with more money... or maybe not... grin

CassianAndor Thu 06-Jun-19 11:50:43

Nanny share might be a good option, OP.

Does your university not have a subsidised creche?

ssd Thu 06-Jun-19 11:50:57

Good luck with that. Just don't cut corners too much that your dc suffer.

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 11:56:50

@CassianAndor ... Thanks! Finally a viable answer. I actually thought of that, and thought maybe there are people here doing similar stuff and I could get some info here. But everyone handles me here like I am a 16 year old little slut. grin

By the time my baby is here, I won't be really going to Uni and when I do, my husband can stay home as he is at Uni as well. That is why we decided to go for it now, because we can both be at home when needed. But yeah, Uni has nursery for a small price, but I will only use that for like 2 month, then I graduate.

@ssd I can't see how my child would suffer from staying home with them more and send them less often to nursery.

ScatteredMama82 Thu 06-Jun-19 11:57:06

@whitelanner, please don't assume that all mums are either lazy on benefits or using granny to babysit. I am neither of those things. I have 2 DCs. When I first returned to work after DS1, full time I was paying £900/m nursery fees. We have NO family to help. My parents are dead and DH's live abroad. When I had DS2 I reduced my hours at work so no I do 2 9-5 days and 2 days just school hours. I use a childminder who charges £3/hr per child - she does before and after school care for the 2 days I need her and she also does 2 days a week in the school holidays. My DS2 is now at pre-school and gets 30 hours a week free childcare. You will just have to 'cope' I'm afraid. When your child gets to the age of 3 then your costs will reduce significantly.

Catapultaway Thu 06-Jun-19 12:01:09

Look at it this way OP, if you are happy to pay more tax on this high salary you are going to get then how much tax would that be? An extra £900 a month OK? problem solved, think of it as tax.
Moaning about childcare costs isn't problem solving.
The irony of two students saying they are happy to pay more tax when they are paying nothing is nice though.

Lost5stone Thu 06-Jun-19 12:18:58

I agree that the cost of childcare is crazy but to say having children shouldn't come at financial sacrifice or that the government should pay for childcare is ridiculous. Childcare costs aren't a secret, people need to consider them before having children.

CassianAndor Thu 06-Jun-19 12:25:26

OP - maybe find out if there are other parents expecting at your uni and you can get something sorted. Is there a forum or something you can post on?

Will your DH be continuing at uni after you leave - could he still use the creche?

Expressedways Thu 06-Jun-19 12:36:22

Congratulations. Practically I’d use the uni nursery whilst you’re still a student. Once you graduate, hopefully you’ll get a well paid job and then the costs will be easier. And they reduce significantly at 3 if you get the free hours, then your child will start school at 4 so it’s a relatively short window. And I really do hope you walk straight into a good job because yikes, your views about people on benefits, let’s hope you never find yourself in that position.

It is an investment- in both your future career and your future child’s early years education. There’s also a lot of irony in a non-tax paying student thinking everyone else, regardless of whether or not they have small children, should pay more tax to fund free childcare. Once you’re paying a significant amount of tax in your well paid job and your child has started school you might feel very differently!

Good luck getting everything sorted.

codenameduchess Thu 06-Jun-19 12:36:24

So, you think the government should fund your choice to have children? You want them you pay for them. Why should everyone else in work pay for mothers to stay at home for 2 years and then foot the bill for childcare?

You can pay for childcare pre tax and save 20% and from 3 you get 30 funded which is a massive help but until then suck it up.

QforCucumber Thu 06-Jun-19 12:41:43

My DS nursery is £42.50/day. That's a 10 hour day, that's £4.25 an hour. Less than I'd pay a cleaner, and less than half of what I get paid. Why should someone else pay that for me?

CassianAndor Thu 06-Jun-19 12:45:53

government subsidised childcare is the norm in other countries, presumably because those governments and societies see the value of getting parents back to work. Here we seem to be happy to see parents (usually mothers) vastly under- and unemployed.

codenameduchess Thu 06-Jun-19 12:55:44

Mothers don't have to be under or unemployed though. I earn around £17 an hour before tax, full price childcare is less than £5 an hour plus 20% reduction through tax free childcare. Split between 2 working parents that's £2.50 an hour, perfectly reasonable even on a lower wage than mine.

Flexible working also means that hours could be reduced, for example one parent working earlier and one later so they can keep nursery hours down and spend time with their children. It's the answer for everyone but for those who can it's extremely valuable.

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 13:00:41

@ScatteredMama82 ... No, I didn't say all mums... I said that I know some people have changes in their life circumstances and end up on benefit. I know a lot of people like that. And that is understandable. But some people choose to live on benefits...

And yeah, I know. we will just have to cope... I was just curious how other people cope, if there are tricks and ways of reducing it somehow. But meanwhile I figured it out for myself. smile Thanks for sharing your situation though.

@Catapultaway haha, it wouldn't be 900/month tax, because it would be spread across 35 years of tax paying. That is around 50 pounds a month. But if my husband pays it as well, then it is only 25 each.

We do pay tax. We both work........ And we worked before we started uni as well, so we know "how to pay tax"... lol. grin

Hollowvictory Thu 06-Jun-19 13:04:21

Part of be a parent is that, guess what, you have to pay fir your kids yourself! Shocker the gov don't cover all costs! But they do cover 20%of childcare costs plus free hours after age 3 plus child benefits plus free prescription and dental and optical for kids plus free education.
Stop whining.

GreasyHairDoNotCare Thu 06-Jun-19 13:05:18

But everyone handles me here like I am a 16 year old little slut.

Not everyone who has children at 16 is a slut. What vile language you use to describe women who have become mothers at a different time in their life to you.

yourestandingonmyneck Thu 06-Jun-19 13:06:16

You would rather save the £900 for the child?

Eh? Of course you would. We all would. But how on Earth is that going to work?? If you want someone to look after your child, they need to be paid!

And your point about how you could do it better and for free - well, there's an obvious answer to that one.

I think you sound very young and incredibly naive. Hopefully you wise up a little bit soon.

Starlight456 Thu 06-Jun-19 13:16:32

I am a childminder . I get paid less than people pay for a cleaner per child.

There isn’t the money to pay for the children really in need .

Your judgements on people on benefits show your real lack of understanding of the difficulties within families at best is There are so many reasons people are on benefits, people on low income are given additional help, if you can afford childcare yes you should.

You are investing in your child , give decent childcare will be important when you want to know your little one is well care for

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 13:16:51

@Lost5stone "Childcare costs aren't a secret, people need to consider them before having children." - I do consider them. That's why I am here asking about options to avoid them as much as possible. I guess if people would be more outraged on the amount they have to pay, the government would have to do something about it... but I assume - hearing from you guys - that people just accepted it. I think UK has the highest nursery prices in Europe...

@CassianAndor We are both leaving Uni and go to work after the baby is born. Thanks for agreeing with me on how other countries handle childcare.

@Expressedways I don't know why you misunderstood me. I have no problem with people being on benefit when they need it. I only have problem with people who choose to be on benefits even though they are physically and mentally are capable to work and has plenty of work opportunities. However I would not get benefit, because my husband would work and earn enough... also I cannot find myself without a job, unless I break my neck. And as I said, I always paid tax...

@codenameduchess Having children is a benefit for the country and the population. Because they are going to pay YOUR pension... and they are going to keep up the economy, when you stop working... Letting the moms go back to work and being able to save more money also a benefit for the country... it boosts the economy as you are going to spend that money on other things, like quality clothes, books, car, whatever... so it will stay in the country. And people would feel like it's worth going to work and they are valued.
On £17 I understand all this is not a concern for you. grin You probably didn't have to restart your life at 25... like I did. smile

InDubiousBattle Thu 06-Jun-19 13:21:27

yourestanding, op is 33!

codenameduchess Thu 06-Jun-19 13:23:46

@whitelanner you know nothing of my life, you are not better than anyone else and I think you should reevaluate your attitude before you bring a child into the world.

I'm paying into my own pension, because I don't expect a struggling state to keep me. Any benefit from the next generation would be negated if the government was to find what you suggest. The country is over populated, there is a housing shortage, there isn't enough money to support the population at its current level- how does expecting more free money from a state that doesn't have enough for its services now solve any of that?

Also, student loans aren't free- you pay them back. For a long time.

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 13:23:53

@Hollowvictory I am not whining, stop being so arrogant!

@GreasyHairDoNotCare And who said that every 16 years old mum is a slut? I said I was handled as one... My gosh... some people here need to learn to read properly. grin grin

@yourestandingonmyneck As I said, it is free in my country, and many of the European countries... but most of them definitely cheaper than here... so it is not an "impossible idea". I am 33 and I believe I am wise enough, but thanks for wishing me the best. grin

@Starlight456 Again... I don't judge people who need the benefit... come on guys... what's wrong with you? You never heard of those, who just stay home for the benefit because they just don't want to work? There like thousands of them in this country. You blamed this on the immigrants, but most of these are actually British...

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