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How do you cope?

(78 Posts)
whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 08:02:42


I am only starting my pregnancy journey, but already looking into childcare options... and I am totally shocked. shock shock shock

In my area I would have to pay 800-900 pounds a month to pay for full time nursery. How the hell can people cope with that? That money could go towards savings or something. It is crazy.

Please tell me there are other ways! I just checked childminders in my area, but some are even more expensive than this, but most are the same. I don't have space for an au-pair...

Help! shock


Manclife1 Thu 06-Jun-19 08:09:26

Wife took a year off (saved in advance so only slightly less than usual income) then went part time (3 out of 5 days). We also worked 24/7 shifts which we did back to back pretty much. So someone was always at home, though when that didn’t work we had to use annual leave so we didn’t have a proper family holiday for years.

waterandmilk Thu 06-Jun-19 08:16:18

It was £1250 a month for me, plus £475 commuting so I quit my job 😔

coffeeforone Thu 06-Jun-19 08:18:09

You will get lots of people saying that's not even bad. Full time is £1600 in my area.

Just think the highest costs are only for a few years then they start to reduce. Also things like tax free childcare reduce this cost by 20%, so it's really 'only' about £700.

If you want to work then you have to find a way to afford it basically! Even if there is a small margin between childcare costs and salary you might still need the difference to pay the bills!

coffeeforone Thu 06-Jun-19 08:20:31

Some also can make it work by alternating shifts, even the thought of that makes me utterly exhausted

Youmadorwhat Thu 06-Jun-19 08:20:45

That money could go towards savings or something

🙄 everyone would love to save that kind of money all the time yes, So while you have a child it will have to be the “or something” it’s either worth it and a priority or not it’s simple really, it amazes me how people are ok with paying that money for a weeks holiday but begrudge paying it to someone to mind their much wanted children while they work.🙄

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 08:28:47

@Youmadorwhat ... I understand that people need to be paid for minding the kids. That is fine. What I don't understand, is why not the government pays for it? I bet it would be cheaper then giving out benefits. And it would also be better for the economy.

But it's also missing the point... my problem is that this money goes out and doesn't come back... if you save it, you then invest it. Even a holiday has mental/health benefits.

But to pay for someone to do something, that I could do and I would want to do, rather than go to work and get paid basically on a half rate. This is just ridiculous.

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 08:32:09

@coffeeforone ... It is good to know about the 20% off. Thanks. We won't be able to do much alternating shifts. Both are going to have office based jobs, Monday to Friday, office times. There might be some flexibility. I was thinking maybe we could do 9 hours days, 4 times a week, so like me would work Tuesday to Friday and my hubby from Monday to Thursday... so only for 3 days we would need nursery. This could work, if our workplaces flexible enough.

ElphabaTheGreen Thu 06-Jun-19 08:37:59

Nursery had massive ‘investments’ for my DCs. They ate a better variety of food there than they ever did at home. They’re in school now, but still have some very close friends from nursery. Starting school for them was an absolute doddle because they were so used to the daily routine of going somewhere else, with other people caring for them and having a structured day. I honestly feel that my two got far better care at nursery than I could ever have given them at home.

Yes, it’s expensive but if it’s a good nursery it’s worth every penny (hardly any of which the amazing nursery staff ever see, sadly.)

jollyohh Thu 06-Jun-19 08:40:15

That money could go towards savings or something.

grinyeah childcare needs paying for. Of course it doesnt 'come back' but you will retain your earning potential, they children learn and develop, make friends etc

Lotsalotsagiggles Thu 06-Jun-19 08:43:42

Both me and hubby work full time hours over four days. We have a non working mid week day off early h with the baby and he goes to a childminder 3 days a week

She charges £50 a day so about £650 a month and we pay have childcare vouchers taken out of our salaries so helps

stucknoue Thu 06-Jun-19 09:04:41

Why should other people pay for your children's nursery (government means tax payers!) we already pay for school and more recently nursery from 3. Children are a choice and you have to make financial sacrifices, I'm still making them 20 years on because I chose to have them. If you think nursery is expensive try university!

Youmadorwhat Thu 06-Jun-19 09:15:05

@whitelanner because it’s very simple....the government cannot afford to pay for everyone’s childcare needs!? Alongside their schooling, medical needs, housing needs, topping up of wages, infrastructure, etc etc its not an endless money pot unfortunately. 🤷‍♀️

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 09:16:14

@Stucknoue ... university is free (student loan). I know. I am doing it now.

I wouldn't mind paying more tax and have free childcare... but maybe that is just me then.

I don't think having kids should be a financial sacrifice... but again... maybe that is my point of view. Where I am coming from this is the only thing that is better... women can stay home for 2 years on 90 percent of their salaries and then there is free nursery. The rest of the financial situation there is crap... hence I left... but I would have expected more help here for women vs in a very poor country.

Anyway... it is what it is. We will deal with it.

roundbanana Thu 06-Jun-19 09:17:13

At least you’re realising now. I didn’t until during maternity leave. I went back to work and hired a nanny then it all went wrong when dd started school as finding wrap around care was very difficult so I quit work and now after two years searching have managed to find a school hours job!
Maybe check out child minders as well as they can sometimes come up cheaper.
I needed a nanny as I was out the house 13 hours a day and no local nursery catered for it.

BogglesGoggles Thu 06-Jun-19 09:17:35

Well when I had children I expected to spend money on them. My reproductive choice = my financial responsibility.

BogglesGoggles Thu 06-Jun-19 09:19:47

It may also be worth noting that prolific government spending results in a ‘crap’ financial situation so be careful what you wish for.

SlinkyDinkyDoo Thu 06-Jun-19 09:22:20

University is not free!

The world does not owe you. How old are you? The government should pay! Pah!

The amount of people who have kids without ANY forethought is astounding.

Youmadorwhat Thu 06-Jun-19 09:39:41

I don't think having kids should be a financial sacrifice... but again... maybe that is my point of view
Yes this is an f’d up point of view, children cost money end of!

Where I am coming from this is the only thing that is better... women can stay home for 2 years on 90 percent of their salaries and then there is free nursery.
Then go back??

The rest of the financial situation there is crap... hence I left... but I would have expected more help here for women vs in a very poor country.
That’s probably because they spend All the money on childcare and paying 2 years worth of mat country has it all unfortunately 🤷‍♀️

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 09:59:45

@SlinkyDinkyDoo ... Free at the time you are doing it. Then it is free if you earn less than 25000 a year... and if over, then you pay like what, 50 pounds a month back for 30 years? For me, that is (almost) free. But nothing compared to 900/month for sure.

I am 33, and I did give enough forethought... hence I started Uni again, to have a better salary so I can provide more to my future kids. But I would have rather saved the 900 for them, so they can start their life easier when they grow up...

Government pays for all sorts of silly things... so why not this?! This would make more sense than pay for people who DOES NOT want to work so they have 5 kids and get a council house and benefits... I think the government should appreciate those who want to work and give them help, rather than those who chose not to work. And I am not talking about those who cannot... that is different obviously.

Also... we are here without any backup whatsoever. No family, no friends... we can't just leave the kid with the grandparents, like most people here actually can...

@Youmadorwhat ... children cost money and financial sacrifice are two completely different things. It is not sacrifice to spend money on my child... but it is, if it takes half of my salary and if it affects our chances to get a mortgage... so we stay in rent... so we are wasting even more money.

Go back? Wow... very kind... grin

There are many reasons why the economy is crap in my country, long paid maternity leave is probably not one of them, as the population is decreasing, and if they don't help people to make families, my nation will go extinct... and there would be no one to earn money, to pay taxes and pay for the pensions. ... So on the long run it is beneficial for us to have long maternity leaves.

Here I guess, too many people already, so it is not a priority for the country to encourage more children. This is sort of a population-control method I guess. The only trouble is that poor and uneducated people will still have kids, and live on benefits, and their kids will do the same... and those who want to work and have a meaningful and quality life will probably choose carrier over kids. ... so the overall "quality of population" will go down...

ElphabaTheGreen Thu 06-Jun-19 10:13:01

The only trouble is that poor and uneducated people will still have kids, and live on benefits, and their kids will do the same


Hope you’ve dug yourself a nice deep trench there, whitelanner. You’re about to get slaughtered.

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 10:20:03

@ElphabaTheGreen ... why? Because I speak the truth? Only those will be offended who are actually doing it. ... giving birth only to have a lazy life and live on benefits it is a burden on any countries. It happens in my country as well.

I am not talking about those, who have lower education and salary and choose to have kids and then their life circumstances change and they need benefits. That is absolutely fine. I am talking about those who are just plain lazy.

Youmadorwhat Thu 06-Jun-19 10:22:16

@whitelanner then wait and get yourself a mortgage first. Then have a child once you are sorted. It’s not the governments problem whether you have a mortgage or rent. If that is one of your concerns and you are not at that point yet then be smart and don’t have a child until you are ready financially. You are 33, you could finish uni, get a job and mortgage and have your first child at 35/36?

whitelanner Thu 06-Jun-19 10:27:29

@Youmadorwhat that was the plan. But over 35 it is harder to conceive and I already started to feel less fertile and my hormones were changing. And I didn't want to miss my chance. Tried once and I got pregnant straight away. (only 11 DPO though) So I believe it meant to be. If I lose it, we might reconsider to wait.

Youmadorwhat Thu 06-Jun-19 10:34:33

@whitelanner well look whatever way it works out there are sacrifices to be made regardless, financially or not. That’s just life unfortunately. Congratulations 🎈 and best of luck

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