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Responsibilities of hildcare - CONFUSED PLEASE HELP!!

(7 Posts)
Isabella26xx Sat 23-Jun-18 13:24:25

Hi so this is kind of complicated me and so have two children with a ten year age gap! We had our first back in 2003,
After getting a house etc DP used to pay for all bills , I paid for shopping/food. We were VERY lucky as my mum and MY family did all the childcare for our dd
FAST FORWARD to ten years later in that time we had a huge break up I managrd to get my own house on a mortgage , now just over two years ago we got back together and I got pregnant with our second baby (another dd)

Now as we got back together I moved into his house (the original house) but this time maybe cos we’ve lived separately he’s expecting me to pay for much more EVEN THOUGH I still have a mortgage on my own house which I rent out to students now n so I do not get an Income but not a steady one
Now out youngest is 7 months old I am going back to work next week only for three days initially but after Sept I am hoping to go full time

PEASE HELP- it looks like dp is expecting me to pay the childcare costs as “im going back to work so I have to find the childcare” I’m really confused and upset. I don’t understand it all - I HAD to go on maternity leave and get a rubbish pay and no wait in going back have got to sort this out child care
ATM we have his parents doing two days and mine doing one but when I go back full time I’ll obviously need two days from a childminder

Please anyone from te uk explain you’re chidlcare arrangements. I.e who does what? How often? What childcare arrangements and who pays for what?
I just think it’s out of order for dp to expect me To do it all and finance it too, I just need to know what other couples do? Maybe it would help (ATM were constantly arguing which isn’t good for the kids)
Is anyone in a SIMILAR position to us? As in you have separate bank accounts, you pay for things separately? Who does the childcare costs?

Oh and DP earns more on 30k I’m only on 15
Please advise thank you

Isabella26xx Sat 23-Jun-18 13:27:03


Isabella26xx Sat 23-Jun-18 13:28:00

Sorry I have written this in a rush and noticed loads of typos, wasn’t sure how to edit. Please bear with me and if you need to ask any details don’t hesitate
Thanks again

Blaablaablaa Mon 25-Jun-18 13:39:19

In our house childcare costs are a joint responsibility...we treat it like any other bill.

We have a joint account where all bills are paid from. DH earns more than me so pays more into the account than I do which means we're splitting the bills fairly.

Expecting the mother to cover all childcare costs is a very misogynistic attitude and is essentially saying that childcare is women's work. I wouldn't stand for it.

Bythebeach Mon 25-Jun-18 13:43:12

It is very obviously a joint responsibility. I can see why you split up with him......

Glumglowworm Mon 25-Jun-18 23:26:21

You both had a child therefore childcare is a joint responsibility and cost.

He sounds like a real prince hmm

Isabella26xx Tue 26-Jun-18 07:34:56

Thank you for everyone’s responses so far . In one way I’m so relieved that you can all tell what type of person he is, he’s probably one of the most difficult guys in a relationship very selfish and self absorbed
For example, he’s buying motorbike this weekend!!! He claims it’s because he can get to and from work quicker to beat the rush hour traffic but how does that help me?! How does it help the kids?!
I shouldn’t vent too much sad I just wanted to show him other examples of couples who share their finances I think we’re the only couple like this with separate bank accounts and him not supporting me. I could have stayed longer on maternity with our dd but HAD to go back as I have a mortgage still . He didn’t even offer to support me whilst Iv been on maternity sad I just don’t know how to approach the subject or make him
See how he’s being unreasonable as a partner and father!!?!?

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