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It's that old nanny or nursery dilemma

(38 Posts)
NorthLondonmum83 Wed 29-Nov-17 19:53:27

Would love some thoughts from those with experience of this...We both work five days a week, I have some flexibility and not very long days and live central London with a short commute. 9 month old and 2 year old. Going back to work and the 2 year old already in nursery. Baby can join, the baby room is nice enough. Cost of the two in nursery is massive, it's the same pound for pound as a nanny so I'm in the nice position of being able to choose the best option rather than worry about cost - (well, I do have to worry, it's a bloody fortune, but I mean there's no difference so...smile) I'm keen on a nanny...about to interview someone who looks amazing. Love the idea of kids at home, no pick ups and calls when they're sick. Question really is my 2 and a half year old - he does like nursery but I'm sure he'll adapt. However can he be socialised and get enough interaction with other kids? I'm sure yes but I don't have any friends who have gone down this route to ask....

CarlHickbread Wed 29-Nov-17 19:54:59

Could the nanny take them to baby and toddler groups so they can interact with other children?

RicStar Wed 29-Nov-17 19:57:47

Nanny will take them to groups / have a nanny network for playdates etc. If there is somewhere local that offers funded 15 hour places then get his name down ASAP - we have a few totally or pretty much free options in SE London - then nanny can take to pre school / nursery once he is entitled for socialisation.

TheLegendOfBeans Wed 29-Nov-17 19:59:17

Personally I’d feel that to yank the two year old out of Nursery would be petty underline for him; I’m guessing it’s all he’s known since he was around six months old?

And again - personally - I think nurseries are great as they get kids experience in social bonds and a learning environment before they go to school, in a way I don’t think they’d get from Rhyme Times and soft plays.

Sympathies re the stonking cost of the childcare though, my DS goes to DDs Nursery in April and it’s the GDP of a small landlocked African country.

Believeitornot Wed 29-Nov-17 19:59:34

Nanny! Every time. Your nanny takes them to groups plus should have a network of nanny friends with kids of similar ages.
When my dcs got to 3, they went to preschool using the “free” hours as well.

MrsPandaBear Wed 29-Nov-17 20:00:21

People I know who've gone for a nanny put their older child in preschool for the free hours once they are eligible. I met several nannies at some of the toddler groups I went to so I think that's what people before that age.

Iwantawhippet Wed 29-Nov-17 20:00:42

Our nanny did a group every morning, lunch at hone and a quiet afternoon playing at home. Trips to grandparents when we asked. You need to allow a bit of money to pay for groups. Ask your candidate how she’d spend a day with them.

I don’t think children need to socialise before 3/4. At 3.5 my children developed a strong sense of belonging in their class.

southeastlondonmum Wed 29-Nov-17 20:02:59

We had similar issue and we actually did a mix of both. Worked really well - and also aided the transition to school when nanny was still on hand to do pick ups

NorthLondonmum83 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:04:27

Thanks all Legend that's my worry with the eldest but I just don't know...he joined only at 13 months, part time, then a few months later he went down to two days a week when I had my (accidentally very close in age) second baby! I'm honestly not sure how he'd respond but I'd be devastated to make a change and upset him...After holidays he can seem reluctant to go back...I wish I could tell the impact on him. Bloody hell I wish someone had told me it was this hard all round tbh. And the constant effing guilt no matter what I do!!!

southeastlondonmum Wed 29-Nov-17 20:08:12

When I reduced my eldest DC time in nursery I was also really worried but they adjusted fine ( I made sure they remained in nursery on days their friends were there). A good nanny will give them a hugely different experience. And our last was like Mary Poppins- came home to a cooked meal, bathed kids etc etc

NorthLondonmum83 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:09:35

Southeaast that's my hope! I said to the agency on the phone 'Obviously I don't a Marry Poppins' *of course I do

AveEldon Wed 29-Nov-17 20:13:03

Nanny.
No taking both kids to nursery before your commute
Nanny can do playgroups, playdates, classes for socialisation

Buglife Wed 29-Nov-17 20:13:21

If a child can’t adapt to a change in circumstance at the age of 2, when can they?! He’ll forget about nursery so soon and he can go to pre school for 15 hours when he is 3. I agonised about taking my 3 year old out of his nursery to start him at the preschool year of the school he is going to to, I was in tears about it, he’s mentioned it about twice 😂 and he was so close with his key worker! He settled at the new place shockingly quickly. At that age they get into a new routine so soon. The ease of just being able to leave the house and come home to the kids with no drop offs, your children spending time together (they wouldn’t in nursery) etc would sell it for me. He can go to groups and have play dates with other Nanny charges. I would not rest this decision on a 2 year olds reaction to leaving nursery. Plenty children stay at home until 3 and preschool hours begin. It doesn’t disadvantage them as long as they have access to learning through play, books and social occasions. Let them be little without worrying about the educational system!

lal17 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:13:59

Nanny every time. No rushing about to get out for drop offs, kids can play at home as well which is nice for them I think and both nannies we’ve had (2 in 9 years) have kept kids super busy with play dates and groups with other nanny friends. A good nanny is a total life changer (does kids washing, stays on top of toys, helps work through any issues with kids).

BackforGood Wed 29-Nov-17 20:20:35

Will it really be he same cost though? By the time you add on expenses - things they do, travel, food, etc. - and take off the free hours you'll get once your ds is 3 ?
Will it be worth it once your older one is in school (which comes round sooner than you think) ?

llangennith Wed 29-Nov-17 20:22:14

Childminder?

minipie Wed 29-Nov-17 20:23:35

If it costs the same then absolutely get a nanny!

Make sure you are accounting for the cost of a good nanny (market rate not lowest rate) and you've factored in hidden costs like outings, nanny's food, having the heating on in the day. Also bear in mind nannies have holidays and occasionally get sick.

On the other hand (and this is a BIG consideration) a nanny will look after a sick child unlike a nursery. Overall parents who use nannies are IME far less likely to have to miss work due to childcare issues than parents who use a nursery.

Nanny can take your DC to classes and playgroups (if you are in London there will be loads), will do playdates with other nannies, and also do other outings - park, library, softplay, museums even. And as pp said your DC1 will be ready for his 15 free hours soon.

And as pp said it is SO much more convenient for you. No rush to get DC up and ready before leaving for work. Much more flexibility if you are running late sometimes. And they can do kids' laundry, cook for DC (incl freezer supplies), put away food shop etc.

InDubiousBattle Wed 29-Nov-17 20:23:40

Is there a pre school near you? A nanny could take your 2 year old?

RandomUsernameHere Wed 29-Nov-17 20:25:24

Another vote for nanny. All the nannies I know take the DCs to a group/class every day so socialising not a problem.

NorthLondonmum83 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:26:34

I talked it through with the agency and he nannys decent hourly rate plus the taxes etc came to basically the same as nursery. Our nursery is central London, charges at the higher end and just put prices up. Good point about add on a for classes etc, although it still wouldn't be a crazy amount more than nursery. Hadn't really factored that in though.

sqidsin Wed 29-Nov-17 20:34:12

Agree with the posters who've said nanny. For all the reasons mentioned and also, think ahead just two years to when your eldest will be starting school. Lots of people think this is when it gets easier. It isn't. Having an established nanny at this point would be fantastic (while your youngest still needs full time childcare).

The nanny can:
- help settle the child into school (many schools do shorter days at first)
- be there for inevitable sick days
- enable you to avoid breakfast clubs/after school clubs which can be a bit overwhelming and tiring for little ones
- help your home life to run smoothly by sorting out school-related admin (uniform, keeping track of dates, sorting out costumes, arranging play dates, etc)

Just my thoughts.

lovealatte Wed 29-Nov-17 20:34:31

We have done both - had 2 at nursery and now have a nanny. And would say 100% nanny - there are so many advantages compared to nursery. No rush to get kids ready in the morning, no getting home exhausted after work with 2 grumpy hungry kids to a cold dark house with dinner still to make and clear up. The kids are so happy and settled with her and get loads of interaction through play dates with other nannies. It is so nice to get home to a warm clean tidy house and two happy settled and fed children. Plus if either of the kids are sick there is no stress about having to take days off to care for them or find them childcare. Plus the nanny will do bits and bobs of shopping, dry cleaning, cooking etc - I used to spend most of my lunch breaks doing these chores. Life is just so much easier than when the kids were at nursery and I really don't think there are disadvantages.
HOWEVER as pp has said it isn't the same price as nursery even if it seems to be at first glance. You will need to factor in petrol or travels expenses for excursions and money for days out, snacks and drinks when out etc. Plus your kids are eating lunch at home every day rather than in nursery. I would say we pay out between £100 - £150 a month on petrol and extras.

theliterarycat Wed 29-Nov-17 20:38:49

Nanny any time. For the illnesses alone.

NorthLondonmum83 Wed 29-Nov-17 20:38:50

I think anything up to 200 a month on the extras probably seems fair enough? I know it does seem hard to believe it could be the same, I'm surprised too, but I must stress again that my kids nursery is utter daylight robbery (although slightly better than the Montessori one down the road at 2k per month per child finishing at 3pm no food provided.....)

CactusCactusCactus Wed 29-Nov-17 20:47:31

Being SUPER nosy now, but very roughly how much is a nanny full time for two a month?

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