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How would you handle this situation?

(81 Posts)
Fuckingsickofpeppa Wed 29-Nov-17 16:09:19

Here's the basics without going into too much detail.

MIL collects DD from nursery 1 day per week, brings her to my house and watches her for 2-3 hours until I come home from work. Every week I leave details of what's for lunch and any other info I think she'll need.

Yesterday it was pesto pasta for DD lunch and if left a note saying as much. There was fresh pasta in the fridge so it was a meal that would take about 10 mins to sort out. Nice and easy.

I arrived home earlier than normal to a scene of absolute chaos. MIL said she didn't know what pan to use, didn't know if the pasta was to be salted, didn't know what to do with fresh pasta, didn't know how much pesto and cheese to use. DD (age 3) was STARVING. I had to step in and take over.

This has been an arrangement for 2-3 months now and MIL has never once taken DD to the park round the corner or done anything with her while she's in her care. I come home and the house is a TIP with toys, the kitchen is a MESS even if it's just been a cheese sandwich that's been made. It's quite difficult as I spend a fair bit of time sorting the place out when I get home from work.

Now, I know I'm very lucky to have free childcare for my 1 morning a week BUT the woman is driving me mad and I just feel like she's putting no effort into what she offered to do.

Any helpful suggestions?! I'm thinking of "sacking" her and getting a childminder.

scurryfunge Wed 29-Nov-17 16:10:48

I'd get a child minder.

Wolfiefan Wed 29-Nov-17 16:12:55

The arrangement was pick her up and watch her for a couple of hours. She's doing that. Maybe leave a packed lunch or yes. Pay for care.

HeadDreamer Wed 29-Nov-17 16:13:39

I'd get a childminder too. She's not fit to look after a child. I never left my two with my MIL because she's unfit like yours. She gets to see them only under DH's supervision.

nannynick Wed 29-Nov-17 16:17:55

Could MIL take your DD back to her house, where she knows where things are? Maybe that would work better.

VeganIan Wed 29-Nov-17 16:18:56

Try leaving a packed lunch in the fridge. If that doesn't improve the mess, get a childminder.

Are the toys from where she is playing with your DD? If so not going to the park is not the end of the world.

Fuckingsickofpeppa Wed 29-Nov-17 16:21:00

I'd love if she could take her back to her house but she can't work the car seat and her driving is horrendous so that's not an option. We live in walking distance of nursery. She doesn't.

I don't think it's too much to ask her to make up a simple lunch for DD. When I can, I leave something that's already made up but that's not always possible. I thought pesto pasta was as basic as basic got. But hey, I was obviously wrong! hmm

Amatree Wed 29-Nov-17 16:25:42

You need to either accept the situation for what it is or pay for childcare. When someone is doing it for free you don't get to criticise and tell them they aren't doing it well enough. If your daughter isn't being looked after how you want her to be, then pay someone, it's that simple.

Wolfiefan Wed 29-Nov-17 16:27:06

You're already getting free childcare and now you want her to cook too, and manage outings to the park (with a tired child after nursery) and tidy up as well.

namechangedtoday15 Wed 29-Nov-17 16:33:22

As everyone has said - you make her a sandwich and leave it in the fridge. Unless she's confident to cook in your house (and she's clearly not) take that out of the equation.

I wouldn't 'sack' her - it's your DD's grandma confused - just let her enjoy their time together and stop being so 'on it'. Try to let it go and see the bigger picture.

DonkeyOaty Wed 29-Nov-17 16:38:32

Make up a packed lunch.
Be grateful, smile and say thank you.
Or, good luck with finding a childminder to do a very part time pick up.

WrittenandGrown Wed 29-Nov-17 16:39:50

I would leave the food ready to microwave, for example pesto pasta could have bedbugs ready to just warm up or a sandwich for MIL to serve. Does your daughter have fun with MIL, if she does I wouldn’t worry about the mess sometimes DCs like unstructured playtime.

RoryItsSnowing Wed 29-Nov-17 16:56:32

I'd get a childminder. She sounds a bit useless, who can't manage a simple lunch for their grandchild and a stroll to the park?

I'd be naturally much tidier when looking after someone else's child in their house than mine in my own too. I wouldn't appreciate coming home to a tip.

Ttbb Wed 29-Nov-17 17:00:46

I would leave a packed lunch and teach your DD to clean up after herself and ask you MIL to do this with her before you gone home.

Kentnurse2015 Wed 29-Nov-17 17:10:36

You sound very down on your MIL. I wouldn't take my own children out to the park after a morning of activities. Leave a packed lunch and be grateful of the free childcare. Seriously.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 29-Nov-17 17:16:37

Leave a packed lunch. It's probably that she isn't used to cooking that kind of food and panicked a bit. I wouldn't be bothered about her taking dd out if she's been in nursery all morning. If dd is enjoying the time I would keep it going.

Fuckingsickofpeppa Wed 29-Nov-17 17:17:18

I did have a childminder lined up but MIL offered. They live 18 miles away and never come and visit (both retired) so I thought it'd be a nice opportunity for DD to see her granny every week. When she initially offered and subsequently insisted she did understand that making DD lunch would be involved.

MIL has raised 3 of her own children and has looked after my 2 nephews (collection from nursery/school 2 afternoons a week) so I thought she'd have a bit of experience and some common sense.

I think I will go down the childminder route. I don't want it to become a bigger issue that causes problems in the family down the line.

Thanks everyone!

Wolfiefan Wed 29-Nov-17 17:20:15

Wow. You don't like her much do you?
So she's driving over 30 miles to collect your child and cook her lunch and entertain her but you also want the house tidy and trips out?
Yes she raised her own kids. She's done that. That's not the same. And she was younger. And in her own house. And doing things her own way.
I suspect it will cause an issue.

Cockmagic Wed 29-Nov-17 17:21:06

So you're happy to get free childcate but also want her to cook, clean etc.

Why are you leaving her notes on what's for dinner etc?

She's a grown woman I'd just let her get on with feeding your DD what she wants, you clearly think she's capable of looking after her.

You sound a bit hard work😯

Fuckingsickofpeppa Wed 29-Nov-17 17:32:00

Like I said, she insisted

Fuckingsickofpeppa Wed 29-Nov-17 17:34:29

Also, I wasn't keen. Was put on the spot when husband said "that'd be great" in front of MIL

Wolfiefan Wed 29-Nov-17 17:35:02

Perhaps she is sad she doesn't get to see her grandchild much and welcomed the idea of spending some relaxed time with her.
I doubt she saw herself as chef, cleaner and take her on multiple outings.
You're being rude and unreasonable.

PotteringAlong Wed 29-Nov-17 17:35:50

Make a packed lunch or buy a kids microwave ready meal she can just bung in the microwave - once a week won't hurt and it will cut down the mess.

Kentnurse2015 Wed 29-Nov-17 17:38:03

I agree with @Wolfiefan

Fuckingsickofpeppa Wed 29-Nov-17 17:39:18

To be clear. I'm not expecting her to "clean" anything. I'm expecting to come home to a house that resembles the way I left it in the morning. Her job is to care for my child while I'm not there. She's not doing that if she can't make a simple lunch

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